Restraining order for teen
Hello parents, I would really appreciate all experience and advice before school starts this fall.
My daughter broke up with her bf this summer, for reasons I won't go into here. She does not want it reported and is feeling very good about life and going back to school, she has a strong support system including friends, therapy and family. We have been advised by attorneys that she might feel very differently when she has to face him at school everyday and be reminded of what happened between them. Also, he may intentionally make her life unbearable at school, our daughter is under the impression that everything will be fine. We know from what she has told us, he is a very dangerous individual. Important context, she is a person of color and he is white, in a majority white high school.
One of the options we can give her is to file a restraining order against this boy. Apparently it is possible at filing to request mediation so that a minor does not have to appear in court and the order can be approved without our daughter being re-traumatized. And police do not need to be involved at all, since it would be a civil restraining order. Our objective is to get him out of the school and away from her. Obviously we have told our daughter we will move her if she wants, but she doesn't want that.
The boy's family know nothing as of yet, we have been advised to not contact them because more than likely they will deny everything and protect their son from any consequences. And as he is white, he will most likely get away with what he has done.
My question is, do you have any experience with the same or a similar situation? What advice can you give me please? We love our attorney but I always appreciate this community's wisdom.
We are hollow shells, walking through our lives broken forever ,attempting to find a way to prevent more harm to our child. Thank you in advance.
Parent Replies
Wow. On the one hand I am really sorry that your daughter experienced something negative with this teen boyfriend, but there’s a lot going on in this post that feels very heavy handed and wrong to me. First off, give this kid a chance to be well behaved before filing a restraining order against him and trying to get him kicked out of his school. If he actually does something that upsets your daughter (not YOU), then you can consider acting. Second, listen to your daughter and respect her. If she isn’t worried then give her a chance to be right! Her judgment could well be better than yours. Third, absolutely talk to the parents, with a mediator, before getting the court involved. Do unto others! You have no idea how they will truly react. If it’s as bad as you claim, and they don’t know - I don’t understand this. Get them involved. He is a minor.
Anytime you have a hearing for a restraining order, you will be encouraged to try mediation first. As far as I know, you do have to do that mediation in person.
I have dealt with civil restraining orders in the past, and in my experience it seemed like if you have any romantic history at all, they will push you to a domestic violence order. Before you can get a civil restraining order you do have to provide evidence that you have asked the person to stop harassing you and they have to continue after you've asked them to stop. If that has not happened, I would expect it to be very difficult to get even a temporary order.
And if he does start harassing her at school, you can get the school involved. They should be able to provide mediation and I have seen schools actually suspend the aggressor in at least one situation like this.