potty training a 4 year old
I have twin girls that have just turned 4. One is making potty training progress (pees on the potty, does not yet poop), but the other is terrified of the potty and absolutely refuses to have anything to do with it. I have encouraged her to sit on the potty with her diaper on to get used to it, but she absolutely refuses to go anywhere near it. I would just let this go if I felt assured she'd come to it on her own in the next year, but I have a feeling that another year, or two, or more (!) could go by and she would continue to have a deep anxiety about it, and refuse to ever even approach it. Help! I am feeling totally hopeless on this issue. She is otherwise very bright, observant, and fairly cheerful girl, although very stubborn. How to I give her positive encouragement without further deepening her anxiety?
Parent Replies
This is a big challenge for all. Pelvic health isn't something most of us learned about, and it is key to a sense of well-being and function. I would encourage you to lighten up about it, to lessen the anxiety load for her. Proceed with gentle confidence and let her know this will all work out fine, it's sometimes just takes more time. See the award-winning ads for Squatty Potty with her and buy one (Costco is a good local source). Buy yourself the book "Below Your Belt, How to be Queen of your Pelvic Region," by Lavender and Ihm -- a pelvic health handbook for girls, published by the Women's Health Foundation. This will be a good resource for her as well, when she is older. For her age they make a book called "Riding the Potty Train: Better Bathroom Behaviors for Little Girls on the Go!"
I'm going to tell you what someone told me when my younger daughter was resisting potty training: No kids go off to college in diapers. I was convinced mine would be the first, but her anxiety lifted - quite abruptly - and when she decided to potty train (she was about 4 as well), she just -- was already potty trained. Boom, one day, no diapers. Kids are weird!
I had a friend with twin girls with the same predicament. One potty trained completelyby 4 and the other stil in pull ups with zero interest and even alot of upset and resistance built up.
Eventually my friend ( who ironically is a psychologist) just asked the kid what it would take for the kid to go potty. The kid said "Disneyland". And they struck a deal that they would all go to Disneyland once she was out of pull ups and using the potty consistently for a month. And it worked!
That said, mom ruled out medical conditions, sensory processing problems and the like begore moving to incentivizing. She speculated the kid was a wee bit anxious but got over it quickly once the incentive was in place. Provided Disneyland reminders strategically around the house as reminders and it worked!
good luck!