Parents badmouthing school
My kids attend a wonderful district elementary school in the East Bay. While the school has the same sorts of problems that lots of schools are experiencing right now, like a challenging hiring environment and the lingering disparities in what kids managed to learn during the "COVID years," the school leadership is amazing and committed and I think we're lucky to be there.
The student body has been both racially and socioeconomically diverse for several years, but we seem to have hit some tipping point this year. The clear majority of students in the younger grades are white and coming from the rapidly gentrifying neighborhood, which is to say their parents can afford $1M+ homes. Of course parents whose kids are younger are the ones who volunteer for the PTA, etc., and are very gung-ho about getting involved. The problem is that this particular cohort seems intent on tearing apart what we have and "making it better." One person has posted on Facebook that the school is really "turning around," which is incredibly insulting to those families who have been part of this school for a long time. They want the after-school program to stop distributing unhealthy boxed snacks, which for some kids is their evening meal. There's a contingent who wants to offer teachers cash bonuses to come to our school--effectively under the table poaching educators from other district schools. Someone recently suggested that we fundraise by asking neighbors for money, messaging that their property values will increase if the neighborhood school is "better." These parents are congregating at drop-off, pick-up and at school events, criticizing how the school is run.
I am a white parent in the neighborhood myself. Increasing property values are devastating to many of the families within our school community. Our school is extraordinarily well-resourced; we have a PTA that pays for enrichment activities, an after-school program that is free to all families and a committed teacher community. We are incredibly fortunate.
My question is this: How can I contribute to shifting the tone of the parent community back to a focus on equity and inclusion--or at least taking the time to listen to other families? A few years ago it felt like people in my demographic were all listening to Nice White Parents and, later, reading Learning In Public. Our society is not at all integrated; I think both lay out principles of moral responsibility in an environment that is probably most parents' first (and, TBH, likely last) experience with integration. I'm hoping this community can give me advice on how to start turning this conversation around--it feels like swimming uphill and I'm an introvert.
Parent Replies
I would recommend starting by talking to the PTA president about your concerns. See if they share your concerns and can brainstorm ways to raise this with the school community. Perhaps you can do a presentation at a PTA meeting. Perhaps the school principal can be engaged. Consider ways to center the views and needs of families that are being dismissed and overlooked by wealthier parents. Thank you for recognizing this problem and best of luck in addressing it.
You could almost be describing my children's public school and I wouldn't be surprised if this is an issue across other Bay Area public schools located in neighborhoods that have been gentrified. I commend you for noticing and wanting to shift the tone, and I'd be curious to hear what others have to say. I have a few thoughts though: firstly, have you inquired with or looked at your school's PTA board to see if the PTA leadership have a similar condescending view or are they also cognizant of the offensive tone these newer parents haven taken on (I assume the PTA is the one doing the fundraising and would therefore be leading or at the very least, guiding/monitoring such discussions)? Or maybe this younger cohort of parents are in PTA leadership roles, in which case, YIKES! Secondly, as this isn't something that you should tackle alone (hopefully, there are others who've noticed what you've highlighted), I'd encourage you to bring it up with the principal. You mentioned the school leadership is amazing and committed so they can't be blind to what's been happening and may have a few thoughts as well. Also, does your school have a Diversity, Equity & Inclusion (DEI) parent group or something of this nature? If so, maybe you can inquire with them? Essentially, I'm encouraging you to seek out others who hold similar concerns so that you can come together to see what can be done.
So it sounds like your concerns are that (1) some parents want to stop distributing "unhealthy boxed snacks" in the after school program; (2) some parents want to offer cash bonuses to attract new teachers and (3) some parents want to encourage donations to the school by telling adjacent homeowners that those funds would improve the school. Your post uses terms like "poaching" that make these activities sound nefarious. I think these perceptions might be a little harsh. Some might think, for example, that parents who know that some children consume snacks as an evening meal have a moral responsibility to advocate that more nutritious snack food be distributed by the after school program.
How could you know whether "most parents" at the school have lived in integrated areas before or whether it is "likely" that they will not have further "experience with integration?" You are also concerned that these parents "congregate" at drop off, pick up, and school events and express their own opinions about how their children's school is run. How do you suppose the school authorities could put a stop to that?
Maybe the problem is that you are making unfair assumptions about parents with whom you disagree.
I hear you on the introvert part, but at the same time, it's important to be a voice where others more directly impacted by this shift may not have the time and space to speak up. Maybe start by hanging out with the group so you can naturally join in on the conversations as they happen, and redirect them to ask the difficult questions. Casually bring up the premise of what happened in Nice White Parents if they don't already know the story and inquire whether or not they want to be contributing to creating the same dynamic in Oakland, which is already happening. The idea of doing anything that increases property values in communities that are already unattainable to born-and-raised Oaklanders is tone deaf and colonial mentality (see recent Oaklandside article: https://oaklandside.org/2022/10/06/oakland-housing-market-affordable-li… ). People don't like being called on their s%$* and you'll likely receive some backlash, but you've got to develop a thicker skin and keep pushing, even if it's an uphill battle. I'm rooting for you!
I empathize with you because I was in a similar place with my child's school not that long ago. I am also white, but my son is mixed race, and his school is very diverse racially and socio-economically. I started to notice that many of the activities at the school (especially events hosted by the PTA) were exclusive to only families that could afford to pay a certain amount, which left out many. I stay quiet for a while and simmered, not wanting to rock the boat BUT that was not the right thing to do. This kind of thing is lingering just below the surface. I started to get involved in the school and the PTA. I started to slowly talk to more parents about my concerns and guess what? So many people had the same thoughts too! It took some time, but we now have open conversations about topics like this and things are shifting. The school staff is more aware and even the composition of the PTA has changed and become more inclusive. I know it probably seems daunting, especially as an introvert but just start by doing something little. Volunteer in your child's classroom or at an event or hang around for parent chat one day after drop off. Slowly start becoming friendly with others and have an opinion on what's going on. If others don't feel the same way as you, at least you are putting it out there and they are thinking about it. The word will spread and that's what you want to happen. I wish you the best of luck...I know this isn't easy!