Need therapist w/strong results recommendations
Hi BPN family! 40 year old mom here.
I’m looking for recommendations of therapists you have seen that have gone beyond the typical superficial talk therapy sounding board setup that can take decades to make a dent, if lucky. Someone who has successfully reversed stubborn thoughts and behaviors instilled in you from very young.
Background / detail below as needed.
Thanks so much!
I have seen maybe a dozen different talk therapists off and on over the past two decades. Other than some basic awareness of why I behave the way I do based on what happened in my childhood, and prescribing harsh drugs which I refuse to keep taking especially since they do nothing to fix the root cause, none have helped me actually reverse subconscious patterns, thinking, habits, and behaviors. I need a deeper type of therapy with someone who has proven results and a proven track record.
After some research, that deeper type of therapy might include biofeedback, hypnotherapy, neurolinguistic programming, EMDR, Neurofeedback, EFT, etc.
I have spent countless hours searching for this in the area, and I will find profiles of therapists who say they possess these skills and I even interview them about it, and they say it to my face, and then in the actual session, their form of hypnotherapy is taking me through a basic guided meditation that has zero effect. It’s like they just are OK with lying to the world!
Some issues I want to tackle: overwhelm / poor stress management, weight fluctuations from emotional eating, maybe some leftover childhood trauma (strict verbal and pyschological abuse household), fearing failure or judgment or rebelling against anything regimented, perfectionism, procrastination, somatic pain/frequent injuries, addictions, low motivation / low energy, S.A.D., mood swings, general unhappiness/ dissatisfaction with life and work, memory issues, lack of mental clarity and focus, inconsistency/ don’t stick to things for long, negative thoughts/ habits/ behaviors, and judgmental of others like I was taught growing up.
If you have found someone who has been able to reverse your programmed behaviors permanently, please let me know!
I have anthem blue cross, but I’ve never had good luck finding therapists through insurance, I wonder if that’s part of the problem? I am prepared to pay out of pocket if that’s the reason for my failure and if someone actually will make a change after losing half of my life stuck in the same situation and wasting thousands of dollars on folks that have failed me. Now is the time since my child is going to be directly affected by this. It sucks when it can be $200 an hour, which makes one just not want to go consistently or long-term but again, if it’s going to make a REAL and permanent transformation, I’m prepared to make the investment.
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I'm sorry that you've had such a hard time getting effective support despite your best efforts. Unfortunately, I don't have a specific practitioner to recommend that's taking new clients at this time. But, I would encourage you to look for someone well trained in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectic behavioral therapy (DBT). DBT can be considered a ramped up version of CBT. These are the gold standard treatment approaches for significant mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, addiction, etc. Both are evidenced-based treatments based on behavioral science.
CBT and DBT have been a game changer for my young-adult children and me after years of ineffective talk and relational therapy.
It sounds like you might benefit from a DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) program. This is a structured course with skills training and then processing work. There are a number of groups in the area. One is DBT Center of Marin (https://dbtmarin.com/), but there are others. It's a time investment, but it involves actual WORK on your part, and it has clinical studies to show that it works. Good luck.
Wow, first of all, I commend you for your commitment to tackling the many issues you are facing and taking it seriously.
I had a great experience doing hypnotherapy with a Marin-based practitioner named Anahaar around a decade ago. Working with her for a few sessions really helped me release the pain and the awful internal monologue I was experiencing after a very difficult break-up. Anahaar set me on a path toward choosing better for myself, and she did so in a way that had profound and very fast effects on my life.
I almost didn't reply to your post, though, because it seems you have been at this for a while, and I honestly couldn't tell you the clinical difference between hypnotherapy and guided meditation, so I'm not sure Anahaar will live up to what you are looking for. She was extremely effective for me, and I am grateful to her years later. She's very different from any other therapist I've seen before or since. So... maybe?
I also want to comment that the list of issues you are tackling seems immense to me. It's not surprising to me that you're dissatisfied with the therapeutic experiences you've had so far. Look at how much you are trying to change! That is enormous. It's been my observation among my friends that when they are feeling in crisis on so many fronts, medication actually is the thing that helps the most because (at its best), it can function as a reset of their baseline. As I perused your very long list of issues, I also wondered to myself if you had considered trying psychedelics. It seems that what you are seeking is an adjustment to your entire life and habits of mind. It sounds like you are hungry for something radical... could psychedelic therapy be an answer for you?
Hi! I wanted to offer some support and to tell you that I can really empathize with what you are going through - I'm a 39 yr old mom and spent most of my life in the same situation. 25 years seeing multiple therapists and doctors who diagnosed me with general anxiety, depression, and Bipolar II over the course of my life. I was prescribed a ton of heavy duty medications that never really seemed to address my actual symptoms. Since I couldn't find a treatment that helped with my issues (very similar to ones you listed) I just assumed this was life and other people must be suffering this much as well because shouldn't all these medications and doctors help fix me?!
Last summer I was talking to a friend's mom, who works in the medical field, about how much difficulty I had just getting through the day and she encouraged me to talk to my psychiatrist about ADHD and how it presents in adult women (she was diagnosed about 30 years ago at the age of 40). After some research I was shocked that no one had suggested this earlier. My behavior as a child through today made complete sense and I could finally start the work and get to the root of my issues.
I wanted to share this with you in case you haven't explored this option yet. And if you have and ruled it out, I hope you get some great suggestions from other BPN members that can help you.
I also wanted to add that I enjoyed reading "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to heal from distant, rejection, or self-involved parents" and my current therapist, Neda Ehya (https://www.nedalunatherapy.com/treatment-approach) has been wonderful.
I hear you! I have been in therapy for the majority of my adult life, and have lots of insight but no deep healing and change until I began to work with Anneli Richards with Family Matters of Marin. https://familymattersofmarin.com She is innovative, multi-modality and continues to incorporate new methods into her work. She is now expanding her work by including others in her practice. Internal Family Systems, EMDR, trauma-informed care, psycho-education and more. It has taken time. I had emotional challenges from a very young age, that led to coping strategies that were not functional for me as a parent, and as an adult. I now have inner resources and more self compassion that help me function as a whole person and not just reacting to inner turmoil.
this work with her has been life changing for me. I have a lot of experience with therapy and the approach here is unique and effective.