Explain Nanny’s poor behavior to previous reference?

We have continually had trouble with our part time nanny who quit today abruptly because she was upset that we had confronted some performance issues we needed to be addressed. Namely, not giving adequate notice when changing schedule or taking days off, and misusing paid days off by taking sick days for personal healthcare that could easily be scheduled outside of work hours with no notice or regard to our schedule. She additionally pressured us to pay her for extra vacation days and a holiday that were not named in our agreement. We communicated that since the terms of our arrangement had been broken so many times, we would feel more comfortable proceeding in an hourly arrangement going forward because we couldn’t afford to pay a part time nanny to take so much time off when we weren’t receiving the benefit of sufficient notice and ability to control our schedules. We hoped this conversation would help her to see our point of view as a family needing support and that she would rise to the occasion, but she was argumentative and hostile and then quit abruptly a few days later with no notice.

Fortunately we had prepared contingencies for her departure and knew this outcome was possible when confronting her performance issues, but we felt forced to confront her performance because she had repeatedly made it difficult for us to complete our work obligations. In addition, she broke COVID protocol by attending a wedding when it was expressly not permitted by California law or our arrangement and took very little initiative when it came to caring for our son, it was a constant source of stress and work for me.

At the end of this, we feel we have been exploited. We were as generous as was financially possible, paid an above market hourly rate and gave paid time off (for a part time job!). We gave a generous holiday bonus after a very short time being employed and allowed her to bring her daughter to our home to help ease the challenge COVID presented to all of us this last year. At no point was the slightest courtesy or consideration returned and we were treated like managers at an hourly shift job.

We spoke with her reference when interviewing candidates who had been happy with her, but had not employed her for a very long period of time. Her positive reference was the reason we hired her over another candidate. My question is, would you convey this story back to her reference to hopefully save another family from this type of experience? We feel strongly this is not a person with the basic maturity level to support working professionals.

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