Archived Q&A and Reviews
Hi there, I would like to get recommendations for a therapist who specializes in helping patients deal with anger and fear for my friend. He is not a violent person by any measure, but he does seem prone to irrational fear and sometimes anger (directed internally) and would like help processing these emotions in a healthy manner. Ideally, a therapist covered by insurance (Anthem blue cross, PPO). berkeley advice
I highly recommend Cynthia Lubow, MFT as a therapist. She is very compassionate, smart and perceptive. She specializes in depression, trauma, grief, anger and PTSD work. She takes insurance but I do not know the particulars. Her contact info--email: Cynthia [at] WomensPsychotherapy.com and phone: (510) 525- 2341. Best of luck, Cheryl
I can highly recommend Cynthia Lubow. She has over twenty years experience and specializes in anger, fear and trauma issues. She is compassionate and thorough in her approach and uses EMDR to resolve these issues. I have heard amazing stories about the effectiveness of EMDR in these kinds of situations, so I think she would be a good fit for you. Her website is http://www.womenspsychotherapy.com/Home.html Good Luck! laura
I need a new skill set for parenting and for controlling my temper. I am looking for a therapist in Berkeley to help me with this. I have been blowing up at my kid lately and I want desperately to change. I need someone to give me concrete ideas for learning new behavior instead of yelling. Also I am interested in RCB (redirecting children's behavior) classes. Any recommendations at all will be helpful. Mom that needs help.
My sister-in-law has 4 boys, and after the 3rd was born she was having similar issues to yours, and realized she needed better parenting techniques. She swears by ''Love and Logic,'' (http://www.loveandlogic.com/), which as I understand it focuses on establishing logical consequences for bad behavior, and taking parental emotion/reaction out of the equation (obviously easier said than done, but my SIL has been pretty successful in making it work with her kids). Carrie
I know how you feel. A couple of years ago I felt like I was just yelling at my kids way too often-- I was stressed and mad all the time, and scared of my anger.
I went looking for a class that would help me control my anger - you know, count to 10, punch a pillow, those kinds of tips. I'm lucky I found Yvonne Mansell and her course on anger and stress management. Yvonne is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and also a student of the Buddhist tradition of mindfulness. She has been helping parents explore the psychological and spiritual dimensions of anger and stress for years. (She also offers support groups on mindful parenting and other topics.) Her class taught me tons about anger management, but with layers of insight and mindfulness that I never expected. She has a calming, compassionate presence, and lots of concrete, useful information; she has really helped me understand what my anger is about and what alternatives I have for dealing with it.
You can find out more about Yvonne and her classes at: http://www.yvonnemansell.com/ With her guidance, you can definitely find your way to being calmer and more present as a parent, and happier overall. Good luck to you. - Calmer Mom Now
Dear Mama, Oh I'm so with you! I'm also so sorry that you're having these troubles. I find parenting my daughters so very challenging and I hate it when I loose my cool.
I do have a very good recommendation for you. Yvonne Mansell. Last year I was part of an 8 week series that she does with moms titled, A Mindful Approach to Anger and Stress Management. Do you love the title? As soon as I read it, I was hooked! Taking this class and getting to learn from Yvonne and the other mom participants changed my life dramatically. I certainly am not a perfect mama, but I am SO much better at dealing with stress and my children than I was before the class. I learned techniques and ways to get myself to chill out or ideally prevent myself from getting into predicaments. And I'm much better at forgiving myself for my mistakes.
I find Yvonne's manner and way of teaching so kind and helpful. She's a mom, she's real and she knows this road. At each session there is a check in and then Yvonne teaches on a particular topic. There is time for the participants to share and ask questions and there are times when we reflected on a topic and wrote about it for ourselves. My learning was deep and so very helpful.
Yvonne's website is www.yvonnemansell.com Yvonne runs other support groups as well as individual and couples counseling. Very best to you mama. I think it's great that you're searching out help. Good luck to all of us! Serena
I would like to highly recommend an anger management parenting group that I just completed which was run by Yvonne Mansell MFT (510) 528-9551. It was an eight week group that met once a week. Yvonne had concrete ideas to help with one's individual anger. She provided us with tools that encouraged insight into our anger and what triggered it. Additionally, she taught us ways to reduce those rageful feelings. She has a balanced approach which is spiritual, non- judgmental and yet does not shy away from talking about those big yucky feelings. She also has a good sense of humor! Yvonne's website www.yvonnemansell.com Feeling more peaceful
Hello, Yvonne Mansell offers an insightful, safe and skills-based class to help parents address anger issues. Please go to http://www.yvonnemansell.com (510) 528- 9551. Yvonne uses a combination of education, experiential exercises and discussion on topics. The class provided me with a non-judgmental and structured way to think about my anger. Yvonne offered very concrete suggestions for managing anger before, during and after an anger episode. She is a gifted facilitator and her own journey is very inspiring. I also loved that we talked about how to help our kids manage their anger.
Yvonne Mansell's Anger Management Series
Anyone have experience with this series, or any other anger management class you can recommend? I need to find some tools to help me to calm down, NOW! Wants to Stop Yelling
Hi, i don't have experience with Yvonne Mansell's anger management classes (though I took, and enjoyed) her mindfulness class at one point. However, for anger (or any other emotional issues) and parenting, I would highly, highly recommend Leah Statman in Albany. Best of luck
( Editor note: Leah Statman passed away in 2011. )
Although I haven't taken Yvonne's anger management series, she has been a mentor parent to me for over 6 yrs now. Along the way I have learned so much from her about parenting in general and dealing with frustration and anger in particular. As I remember it, one of the very first questions I ever asked her was about navigating my anger around my son. In all things I find her responses to be compassionate, practical and deeply thoughtful. She also has a very gentle style (and gentle sense of humor) that I find refreshing because all too often others give parenting advice with too much zeal and militancy. sabine
I've heard good things about Yvonne Mansell's anger management classes from a trustworthy friend who attended them. I have talked with Yvonne and she seems like a very competent therapist to me (I am also a therapist).
Albert Dytch 452-6243 conducts anger management groups for men. He works with a woman who conducts similar groups for women. From a graduate of Albert's group
Hi Yelling Mom, I was in the same boat and took Yvonne's class this fall. I was finding myself yelling and angry, particularly with my children, and generally not being the person and the mother I wanted to be. The series was wonderful. It gave me many practical tools and strategies to use and they have made a significant difference in my life. It was also great to have a support group and a place to listen to and learn from other parents. Yvonne is also a parent and brings great insights from her experiences to the group as well. Hope this answers your questions, Susan
Therapist for Anger Management/Self-Confidence?
After 10 years together, my husband has made enormous strides in dealing with his anger [and I'd like to add that I have *never* feared for my or my childrens' safety - it's a more self-directed anger]. He's gone from punching walls because he over cooked his steak (seriously), screaming about a parking ticket, etc to infinitely better and more appropriate behavior. Still, the anger is *there,* just not coming out in the same ways. Lately it seems to be coming out as really mean and snarky comments. If I hadn't already lived with his supremely awful behavior in the past (and his slip ups here and there in the present) I'd be more willing to let some stuff slide, but now that we have two small kids, one of whom is an extremely sensitive 6 year old boy, I feel that he needs to address *why* he is so angry and why he directs it at himself almost exclusively. I refuse to allow this insidious and destructive behavior to be passed on to our son. Any suggestions for a therapist who can work with him on this? He's on board. Thanks. ---- Tired of This
My husband worked with Kirsten Beuthin (652-0990) who I would highly recommend for issues related to self-directed anger and lack of self-confidence. He struggled for quite awhile (not an easy fix), but was able to focus on his issues and is in a much better place now. He really liked working with Kirsten, which was important because I don't think he would have done so much work if he hadn't liked her. Tracy, been there
Albert Dytch runs weekly anger management therapy groups for men. He specializes in those who have families and are not the court-ordered cases. As part of the intake, Albert meets separately with the spouse to get her perspective. I went thru this program and got insight as well as tools for managing anger. His phone is 510-452-6243. Easier to live with now
I recommend ruling out common medical conditions which may cause anger management and impulse control problems. Would your husband be willing to ask his doctor to check him for hypertension, thyroid imbalance, sleep apnea, clogged arteries in the neck, mini strokes, seizure disorders, or other things that might also restrict blood flow to the brain or oxygen levels in the blood?
In addition, it would be useful to for him to see a therapist to assess and rule out depression, post traumatic stress disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder or other chemical imbalance-based mental illnesses which might cause him to act out impulsively and with anger and which are highly treatable with medication and therapy combined.
He could attend anger management therapy concurrent to these medical and psychiatric assessments. If he is acting out in order to get what he wants, i.e. to control others, I recommend you find a certified domestic violence group in your area. Your county superior court while have a list of providers. If he is acting out impulsively, then an anger management group, using a cognitive behavioral therapy approach has good clinical evidence of its efficacy. Andrea
Kaiser Anger Management class for mom?
I've reached the point where I know I need to address my anger towards my kids -- explosive (nonviolent) reactions to behavior that isn't really anything out of the ordinary. The Kaiser class that's been recommended on BPN appeals to me although I'm not a member. My question: any moms out there who have taken this class? Was it useful? If not, can you recommend any effective alternatives? Many, many thanks. Trying to Find a Better Way
I took the Kaiser anger management class for the same reasons as you. My 9-month-old would toss her pacifier on the floor and I'd explode with anger ... just the usual kid behavior that I was too tired and frustrated to handle. I never took it out on her, but I would go pound on walls in the garage. I eventually figured out there was probably a better way to address it.
The Kaiser class was useful for me. It's very basic. It taught me some simple but useful coping strategies. It also made me realize that there was more going on here than anger with my kid. There were other parts of my life that were also causing me trouble, and there were reasons why my reaction was to hold it in and then explode. In the end I found a therapist outside of Kaiser, and I was glad the anger management class opened my eyes to that possibility. It wasn't part of my family background to do therapy.
That said, it's sort of a catch-all class. My experience was, the men are mostly in the class because they have anger problems on the job, and the women are mostly in the class because they have anger problems in their relationships. There's a bit of a disconnect between the two groups. And, well, with a bunch of people with anger issues, they sometimes get annoyed with each other. I actually found that was a useful training exercise, but that's because I was focused on relationships rather than, say, job hierarchies and constraints. anon
I am the severely sleep deprived mother of two children (ages 4 and 1.75) and I just lost it with them this morning. While I didn't hit anyone, I spat at the older one (after she spat at me), screamed, threw toys away and told them I didn't want to be a mommy anymore. I scared myself and them. I've apologized profusely and told them I absolutely didn't mean what I said, but I know I need help. I'm exhausted, angry, alone, and feel like there is no ''me'' left. Can anyone recommend a good, compassionate, insightful therapist (preferably female) to help me deal with these issues? Tired
phyllis klaus in berkeley is extremely helpful with perinatal issues. she helped me with postpartum depression associated with being a sahm. she is extremely gentle and understanding. her # is 510-559-8000. anon
I highly recommend Heather Roselaren, LCSW/MPH off Shattuck in Berkeley. She is very patient and insightful. She helped me with prenatal depression. Her phone number is: 510-527-1217. Gabrielle
I've been seeing Anne Marshall for some other issues this past year, and recommend her very highly. She's smart, insightful, pragmatic, straightforward, and funny. She actively offers opinions and practical advice, and has been such a strong and compassionate advocate on many occasions that I fully trust her occasional recommendations for ''courses.'' Among other things, she has helped me find a place for anger -- I was swallowing mine, and I now have an easier time acknowledging it and bringing it into balance with my other emotions. I can't speak to her experience with SAHM issues specifically, but she has helped me understand and address other issues MUCH more constructively than the 2 other therapists I've seen. Her number is 220-0808, and (icing on the cake) she takes PacifiCare and MHN. And as I'm sure many other posters will tell you, do everything you can to address the sleep deprivation. There's a reason the Geneva Convention lists it as a form of torture! Taking care of two young children is draining under the best of circumstances, and everything gets so much harder when you're not sleeping enough. Also, when my kids were that little, it made a huge difference to my emotional well-being to have some ''me time'' to exercise, have an occasional beer/ vent session with friends, or whatever. Finding ways to recharge your batteries isn't just good for you, it's good for your kids, because you'll have the energy to be nurturing. Just like they say in airplanes, ''put your own oxygen mask on first, THEN your child's''. Best of luck to you. anon
I would highly recommend Dr. Lisa Lancaster. I am also a SAHM and know that I am a better mother from my work with her. She is in Berkeley. Her number is 510-841-2525. anon
Theresa Fleury, Ph.D, is a genuinely compassionate, insightful therapist who has her office in Market Hall (College Ave.). She has 15 years in practice, and did her post-grad training at Stanford. Here is an excerpt from her posting on a therapists' website: ''Self esteem issues, depression, and anxiety are areas of my expertise. I specialize in recovery from trauma and addictions. I have extensive experience working with adult children of alcoholics. I work with individuals, couples and families. Parenting and life transitions are also a focus of my work. I am able to understand quickly the deeper issues that are involved and I share my ideas with my clients in a collaborative style. I like to set goals in the initial sessions with the client and track progress with the client as we work together.'' I have found Dr. Fleury to be exceptionally talented at cutting through to the real issues, and working to achieve positive, healthy change. Good luck. (510) 843-7055 Feeling More Positive
I'd reccomend yvonne mansell, in albany. Her number is somewhere in the archives here..take care of yourself, and remember we have all had moments/days/months like this. been there
My own therapist, Katheryn Hirt, is fantastic at dealing with anger issues, and helped me tremendously. She's real and ''down- to -earth'' not too ''woo woo'' but is still very kind and compassionate. If you are willing to do the work of showing up, she will ''meet you'' and be engaged and proactive and not just ask you how you feel and say Mmmm hmmm the whole time --which has driven me nuts in other therapy. I've learned a lot about myself and gained incredible insight and gotten some tools and skills too, which I needed. 510-220-3558 is her number. Good luck! anon
I don't have a therapist recommendation for you, but I really recommend that you look into the love and logic parenting method: http://www.loveandlogic.com/ I found out about it because my son's elementary school is offering a free 6 week course on it, and I know there are lots of other classes or even books that you could read on it. I don't want to sound evangelical, but after only 1 class I have regained so much of my sanity it is absolutely unbelievable. My children have gone to bed on time without crying for the last 6 days! What this method teaches you is EXACTLY what words to say to your children to get them to behave, and it is a miracle because it actually works. I wish you good luck. been there too
You should contact Lee Safran http://www.leesafran.com/
To the stressed-out SAHM of a 4 yo and a 1.75 yo - I cannot give you any advice/recommendations for a therapist, but I humbly suggest that you consider making it a POINT of making some ''me time''. As parents, especially mothers (whether single or not), we tend to put ourselves last - the kids, the house, work, everything else comes first.
It sounds to me like you need to make a regular ''date'' for/with YOURSELF - get a massage, go to a movie, SOMEthing. If you can find the time (and money) to go to a therapist regularly, you can MAKE the time and find the funds to treat yourself well, regularly.
If you have a local teenager whom you trust, enlist their aid - even 2 hours a week, whatever - and DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF. Go to the gym; go swimming; go to a movie; get a massage; visit a friend; go for a walk; take a class. Whatever you USED to do, that helped you be ''you'', do it again. A therapist may be what you need, in the end, but perhaps you might just need to de-stress a bit. Most of us do. Been there, and now I'm at the gym
Laura Pilnick, MSW 510-465-0553, located near Grand Ave in Oakland. She is very practical and supportive of the strains of being a parent. She will provide you with very concrete tools for dealing with anger and stress issues. I highly recommend her. Congrats to you for doing this for you and your children! Lynne
My advice: skip the therapy and hire a babysitter! You need a break! Go shopping, to the movies, to the gym, for a walk - anything on a weekly basis and you will come back to the kids refreshed and happy. Do it for you. anon
I highly recommend you contact Perinatal Psychotherapy Services at 594-4006. You will surely find the help you are seeking with one of the three wonderful practitioners, Gina Hassan, PhD, Donna Rothert, PhD or Lee Safran, MFT. Good luck. portia
Dear SAHM, I have a really good therapist to recommend for your life and anger issues. Her name is Suzanne Pregerson and I have been working with her for about 6 months on similar issues of my own. Suzanne is a calm, non-judgemental listener who has an active interest in working with parents - individuals and couples - of young children. She is a parent herself and can sympathize and offer practical advice on what is going on with you and your children. I also like that when I am at my wits end with some issue she invariably has a comment like ''you would be surprised how often I hear that complaint. Here is a solution others have tried.'' Knowing you are not alone also helps. Please contact her at 510-548-1237. Good Luck! Jennifer
I have an son who will be 3 soon and a 4 month old daughter. About two months before the baby was born, I started yelling at my son a lot. I guess it was the difficulty I was having being pregnant compounded by my son being a very active 2+yr old boy. My situation hasn't improved. My husband isn't a yeller at all so I try very hard to keep my temper in line. (Having a husband that makes me want to be a better person every day helps) My parents were yellers and I remember how awful it felt to be yelled at by them. My son tells me not to yell at him. When he does, I feel so mortified and completely ashamed because I love him more then anyone in the world. One day, the first thing he out of his mouth to his Dad was ''Mommy yelled at me''. (Dad worked late that day and came home after the kids were in bed) My husband says ''You're the adult.'' Meaning, I should know better then to holler at him. I should and I do! My kid is normal for his age and has lots of energy. But when my son starts working my nerves and I'm exhausted and the baby is screaming, and I am trying to get dinner on and do dishes and laundry, and I am alone with the two of them, sometimes I get to the end of my limit and I start hollering. I have never ever hit or spanked him but I am afraid that one day, I might cross the line. I am really ashamed and scared of this thing that lurks inside of me. I want to nip this in the bud before my kids learn these bad habits from me. It's not going to go away on its own. Can anyone recommend a good therapist or group class for anger management in Berkeley? Mom that Yells =(
I am a ''yeller'' too - It just comes naturally when you have been raised that way. Check out the love and logic parenting method (loveandlogic.com). If you can't make it to one of the trainings, at least read one of the books (you can probably find them in the library). This method is amazing - it teaches you to overcome your natural response of just yelling - the ''drill sargeant'' approach to parenting. Basically, children continually try to gain control from you, and the more that you prevent them from getting control, the harder they try, until they push you so far that you start yelling. The solution is to give them some control on YOUR terms, so they don't drive you nuts, and to let them learn from their mistakes (i.e., natural consequences). The books will give you tons of concrete suggestions on how to do this, but the basic method is to let the kid make choices about things that don't affect anyone else, and also to only give choices you can live with. Then, when they make ''mistakes'', they learn from the consequences of their actions rather than focusing on the power struggle with the parent. Check it out, it really works! good luck
I have greatly benefited from attending parenting and other workshops through the Bay Area Nonviolent Communication. Their approach to communication helps build nonviolent relationships with children, adults, coworkers, anyone. They offer workshops on a sliding scale and subscribe to the philosophy that no one should be turned away for lack of funds. www.baynvc.org Jean H.
Dear Fellow Mom,
The same happened to me when I was pregnant with my second child and my first was about 2 years old. Anger management had never been an issue for me until then. I can understand that you are ashamed and scared of ''this thing'' that lurks inside of you \x96 I was too and maybe I still am. How honorable of you that you want to work on yourself and discontinue a habit that might have been carried over by generations before!
Working on managing my anger has been quite a journey for me. I came to realize that there is not the magical one thing that will make you so calm that you won\x92t yell anymore. It is hard work and there have been many different things that I\x92ve been practicing. Let\x92s start with books that have helped me: ''When Anger Hurts your Child \x96 A Parent\x92s Guide'' by McKay, Fanning, Paleg & Landis. Also ''Kids, Parents and Power Struggles'' by Mary Kurcinka - a wonderful book!It was not just the reading, but practicing over and over again what the books suggested. I kept an anger diary for a while which helped me identify my stress factors and trigger thoughts. Sleep deprivation, PMS, irregular meals, etc. are stress factors that I can try to avoid, now that I know about them. Becoming aware of any irritation and anger in the beginning stage by tuning into my body often helped me push the brakes. Nurturing myself - e.g., sitting down for a few minutes and drinking a cup of tea instead of doing the laundry, stepping out of the door to breath fresh air, calling a friend to get some empathy, deciding not to cook dinner because it would be impossible keeping my cool by juggling too many things, etc. \x96 lowers my stress level. The first year with my second child was extremely exhausting for me too \x96 physically and emotionally. I did see an acupuncturist and took Chinese herbs to replenish my body.
Meditating on a regular basis has probably been the thing that has helped me the most. It calms me down and sets the tone for the day. Through the mediation I practice being mindful, which then kicks in in stressful situations with my kids. Although often it has been difficult to find the time away from the kids to meditate, the 15 or 20-minutes per day are totally worth it.
How can we possibly go through all this on our own? Reaching out for support and connecting with others is a great idea. I went to a mom\x92s support group for a while and found out that I wasn\x92t the only one dealing with these issues. Finally, I decided to see a therapist to work on unresolved childhood issues in more depth which contribute to how I manage (or not manage) my anger. I can highly recommend Yvonne Mansell, a licensed psychotherapist in Albany. She also facilitates mom\x92s support/mindful parenting groups. Phone: (510) 528-9551, email: ymansell[at]earthlink.net. You\x92re right when you say that it won\x92t go away on its own. It\x92s hard work AND there are many positive things that you will encounter on this journey. I wish you all the best! A now more compassionate & patient mom
Good for you for reaching out and asking for help! I don't have a recommendation for your specific request, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone! I too, struggle with anger towards my children and have strong, angry reactions to their ''normal'' kid behavior. Given your status as post-partum and that you started yelling while pregnant, I wonder if you are experiencing some hormonal shifts that are causing you to have a shorter fuse. My temper definitly increased after the birth of my second child and I found my hormmones were never quite the same. I would recommend looking into some post-partum support. Your anger and yelling may be a response to how overwhlemed you likely are with an infant and toddler and the normal stresses of life. anon
I am looking for an Anger Management Class for Men in the Lamorinda, Walnut Creek, Pleasant Hill area. I saw the recommendation for Kaiser Richmond but was hoping for something closer to home. My husband has talked to some therapists in the past but they just listen and don't advise.
I took the Kaiser program and it was very good. The Kaisers in Richmond and Oakland have them, and the Kaiser in Walnut Creek may as well. Call them. If not, the class meets only once a week for eight weeks, and the commute is a small inconvenience for an intervention that can really help. anon
I can understand how you want to help your husband with anger management issues since it impacts you and your child/ren. You need to remind yourself, however, that it is his issue (and also not your fault) and until he wants help, he will never ''listen'' or get results from any program and may end up resenting you because you ''helped'' him go. I know Alameda Family Services (formerly Xanthos) in Alameda has some excellent groups for men and/or therapy that specializies in this field. The battered women's groups can also refer you to some anger management programs for him (and most of the good ones are free or subsidized), but you should take time to focus on yourself---even though there may not be any physical abuse in your household, just the fact you wrote in shows me that his anger is a real concern for you and has impacted your life. Free places to get help for YOU are Alanon and any of the battered women's groups. I used to go to a wonderful one on Sixth Street in Berkeley. Once you get the help you need--and then change, then you will find the answer to your partner's anger. He may never recover (it can last a whole lifetime), but you can go forward and live a more peaceful existence---you deserve it and so does your family. Good Luck--you will get through this. OK to email me anytime to let me know how everything works out! nancy
I am looking for Anger Management classes that cater to highly educated professionals. My husband yells at the kids which at times brings them to tears. He is not physically abusive but I know his shouting is causing harm to the children. My goal is for my husband to learn various skills and tricks to handle his outbursts in front of the kids. I only have one shot to try and get my husband to go to classes so I am very particular that he is in a class with his peers. Please advise. - Trying to keep the peace!
My husband would highly recommend the anger management class at Kaiser Richmond. We got it off this list serve, where it was very well recommended many times in the past. It's open to all (dont' need to be a Kaiser memeber). He said that the teacher was great, the work book was very useful (I hope to glance at it some time). These classes were NOT for folks who were court ordered to take them, and I think most of the students were dealing with yelling and anger expressed at objects issues and not physical violence on people issues. The classes were once a week on Tuesdays for several weeks in a row. They had homework. I got the feeling that many of the students were professional folks with day time jobs (seems like one of your requirements). The teacher is female, the students were both male and female. Privacy is well looked-after.
My husband wanted to be in more control of his verbal anger and physically expressed anger towards objects, and this class has really helped him a HUGE amount. He senses much more early when his anger level begins to creep up and is able to stop its progression and remove himself from the situation if needed. He is much more able to see things from my and our children's point of view. The teacher got across to the students that their family members who watch them slam their fist into the wall, at that moment aren't really sure that they won't be hit next. It broke my husbands heart a bit to get how that behavior scared us, and he doesn't do it anymore. He also doesn't yell much anymore. He also doesn't try to make me listen to an ineffective high volume lecture from him anymore. Things have really changed for the better for us, and I am very grateful to that teacher at Richmond Kaiser. We are setting a much better example for our children, and we have created a muchmore even keeled and harmonious home for ourselves. happier mother
I was helped A LOT with anger issues by attending a parenting class and follow-on Jin Shin Jyutsu body work with Leah Statman. Actually the Jin Shin helped the most. If you want to contact her, just drop me a line, and I can connect you. Best of luck to you whatever path you choose. meg ( Editor note: Leah Statman passed away in 2011. )
Kaiser has a good one. Open to the public. About $75 for 6-8 weeks, IIRC. Ray
Does anyone know a good anger management class? I am looking for one for someone whose problem is mild and far from violent. I don't think he would benefit from something which is pitched for people with more serious problems. He is presently signed up for the Kaiser class. Do people have any experience with that class? Or recommendations for other classes?
The Kaiser sponsored Anger Mangement Class is ideal for a person who is not violent or court appointed. They are open to members and non-members alike and follow an 8 week curriculum that was developed by Kaiser and is taught at any Kaiser offering an Anger Management Class. I am the coordinator of the class in Richmond, and just speaking from my own experience with our instructor and this class, its extremely well evaluated. People like our instructor (she is an expert in anger management) and they like the materials, and of course the chance to interact with the class members. The next 8 week class in Richmond starts on August 13. Its a very popular class and I think word of mouth seems to keep it full. Call 307-2210 if you're interested. Joyce
The ReNascent Center in Sonoma offers a workshop series dealing with anger. For more information check out their website, www.renascentcenter.com. Their classes and workshops tend to be very experiential. Highly recommended. Joe
My husband has finally accepted that he has an anger problem. Let me hasten to say he is in no way a threat to me or our children - he loves us to distraction and would never, every physically hurt us. But he allows himself to get incredibly angry over small things, mostly driving or stuff he reads in the paper. If someone cuts him off on the freeway, he will explode and try to ''get even'' with the person. At home, he gets mad so easily that it is affecting our relationship (fortunately he never blows up at the kids - they are the lights of his life). I know it is affecting his work - he feels that people at work avoid him, and I am sure it is because of his temper.
He has finally admitted that he has a problem. Now, what can be done? He mentioned trying to take an anger management class, but is afraid everyone else will be there because of a court order for beating their wives or something! He is an intensely private man, so I worry that he might have trouble opening up to a counselor. Has anyone had any experience with anger management classes/counselors/techniques? Are there any books that might help him? We have Kaiser for health insurance.
Part of the problem is certainly stress - he works full time, goes to school part time, and we have 2 children under the age of 3 who are 16 months apart. I work 30 hours a week as well, so our lives are not exactly relaxing. anon
I would highly recommend workshops given by Bonnie Serratore at The Center in Sonoma. She has a one-day workshop this weekend called ''Rage to Passion''. She is a master of the emotional body and working with her can give you the ability to shift the role anger plays in your life permanently. Phone 707-996- 9796. She does amazing work. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk about this. Joe
My husband went to Kaiser's anger management class and it was very helpful to him and to us. He calls it ''life-changing.''He learned useable techniques to recognize when his temper was about to flare and ways to shift gears when he felt himself heating up. You can call 752-1075, Kaiser Oakland's health education department to learn more. They offer a single overview of anger management class and then a 10 week anger management class. Also, these classes do not meet the court appointed requirements for domestic violence, so that might alleviate some of his concern. Hope this is helpful! Anonymous
Good luck with the anger management. My husband has a similar problem and has had modest success with a combination of meditation and reading some books, most notably a book by the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn, which is entitled (I think) ''Anger.'' Or at least it has anger in the title.
I think an anger management class is a good idea and wish I could get my husband to go. I think a lot of people (males mostly, but not exclusively) learn growing up that this is the way, the only way, to respond to frustrations and stresses. They need to learn a new way to respond, and it seems to me that it is helpful to know that many other people have this problem, so that they are not a monster, or something along those lines, just someone who needs help unlearning an old behavior/habit and learning new ones. Anonymous
We run a great Anger Management Program at Kaiser Richmond. The instructor is wonderful and has been teaching here for almost 3 years. Usually we have men or women just like your husband in the class- stresses of life and anger related to family/kids. There are also people who attend because they were sent from their jobs - but this is not a class for people who have to attend anger management classes for more than 8 weeks. Feel free to call me if you would like more information about this class. A new one is starting on Wednesday, April 2, 7-9pm, $70 for members including a book ''Why Anger Hurts'' and a syllabus. Joyce at 307-2211.
You are quite fortunate. For one, your husband has admitted to his problem. Secondly, Kaiser Oakland has a wonderful Anger Management program. I am a therapist and I have recommended the class to my clients as an adjunct to our therapy and have been very pleased with the what I have heard from them and the results I have seen. Your husband might put up some resistance (ie no one in the group will have my same issues etc.) but I highly recommend this particular program. It is also open to non-Kaiser members.
Sandra Bryson, MFT
My dad, who is retired, was forced into an anger management class, also through Kaiser, by my mother. So there's an example of someone not going through the court. From what I hear, it's a good thing. Your husband's worries sound like he's just uncomfortable dealing with the problem or acknowledging it's a problem. My dad is not really physically violent either, but the anger is just as damaging. Try to encourage (or coerce?) your husband. Sooner rather than later. anon
Bravo, bravo to your husband for admitting he has a problem, and for you in supporting him in his efforts to change. He will need to do much of the work himself, but you can be there for him--as it sounds like you are. I don't have much specific advice, but I want to STRONGLY state that your husband is doing the right thing by seeking help. I am the adult daughter of a father whose behavior was very similar to that which you describe in your husband, and let me tell you, your husband's actions ARE affecting your children, even if the anger is not directed ''at'' them. Quite simply, your children are learning how to respond to the inevitable angers, stresses, and frustrations of life as they watch their father go about his daily life...hopefully they have a more positive role model in you, but still, they are absorbing it *all* like sponges. I know because I am there: at age 36 struggling to undo those angry ways of being in the world that I learned from my father, trying not to pass them on to my own infant son. For me, two years of therapy helped, part of which involved confronting my own parents about their behaviors when I was a child. (Chances are, your husband had one or more angry caretakers.) My mother claimed that my father's anger was just related to the ''stress'' of a demanding job, but--surprise--now he is retired and he is just as angry as ever! I'm sorry I can't recommend a specific therapist or program locally, since my therapy took place elsewhere. But an excellent book is ''Emotional Intelligence'' by Daniel Goleman, and another is ''When Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within'' by McKay, Rogers, and McKay. I just want to re-affirm that he is doing the right thing by seeking help. Best of luck your family.
Still Working on It.
I empathize and understand the issues involved with coping with an angry husband. You and your husband are fortunate to realize that there is a problem as many men are in deep denial about their anger and the impact on those around them. That said, here are my suggestions for dealing with this complex problem. In the case of my husband, we have been working with this issue for the past ten years and have taken these steps. First, I think it is wise to discuss medication with a psychiatrist or a physician who is knowledgeable about these issues. Oftentimes, there is an underlying depression and anger control is much better when this is treated. Second, I recommend that both of you see therapists. There are two that I recommend: Albert Dytch 452-6243 works with men and does men's groups for anger management. The group work is vital because the men are very good at giving each other feedback and understanding and confronting the challenges involved. While a few of the groups are court ordered cases, others are men from all walks of life, but mainly professionals. Albert generally separates these groups so your husband would not be dealing with the court group. But you also need a group and/or therapist. I had to learn a whole new set of communication skills so that I could recognize what was happening and learn to set clear limits. I recommend Deborah Joy, 524-8284. It is possible that Kaiser has some resources, you would need to check. Finally, there are many books on the subject but I recommend two that worked well for us: For him: ''Anger Kills'' by Redford Williams and Virginia Williams. I know it sounds dramatic, but the book is actually a very practical source and not too time consuming. The second book is called the ''The Verbally Abusive Relationship'' by Patricia Evans. This book helps to provide a framework for considering your interactions and identifies the ways that anger can be abusive. It can be a real eye opener. I wish you good luck, perseverance, and am sending much support for taking action on this issue for yourself and your children.
You are not alone
I took an anger management class at Kaiser Richmond a few years ago. I did not go with any expectations or fears (just knew I needed help with my anger). I found it worthwhile. The instructor was okay, but the materials and the class discussions made up it (she wasn't bad, just not inspiring). I think Kaiser contracts out to different people to teach their various classes, so I doubt she is still there teaching AM. I don't believe any of the folks taking the class were there by court order. Worth checking into, in my opinion. anon
Can anyone recommend a family/marriage therapist in South Berkeley? Are there people who specialize in anger management? We would prefer someone with evening hours or weekend hours. Thanks.
An excellent therapist who specializes in anger management is Albert Dytch, MFCC. He works with individuals, couples and families. He also does anger management groups for men. He is located near Lake Merritt in Oakland. His phone number is 510 452-6243. If he is too far for you, he may be able to recommend someone who works in South Berkeley. Good luck.