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Archived Q&A and Reviews



Co-worker visiting internet porn sites

Jan 2013

My job requires that I monitor the company's internet use. I've just found out that a coworker is using up about 20% of his time going to Internet porn sites. From what I've seen, it's pictures of young teenagers. What exactly should I be doing? Disturbed

Were you given guidelines about what reporting procedures to follow when you were given the task of monitoring the internet? At my company, you would report to the senior HR staff person and the head of IT. If that is not an option at your job, you should report your findings to the CEO, Executive Director, or lead supervisor.

But I would caution you to be certain of your facts and the information you are providing as it could jeapordize the person's job. HR Mom

Your job requires that you monitor internet use. So what does it require you to do with the information? Follow those rules. I would stay as neutral as possible about it and just do your job.

It's unclear from your description if this is really child porn or just porn involving teenagers (who may look young but be of age). There's a big difference. One involves (presumably) breaking the internet-use rules at work, and the other involves breaking the law. If it's the former, then following the rules at work should do it. If it's the latter, you should make that clear to your supervisors as well. Let them take care of it. just follow the rules

Your email distressed me too! I spoke to good friend who is a prosecutor. You definitely should report it up the chain at work or to the police dept. It's the right thing to do. concerned parent of young teen

I hope you get a lot of people saying this, but it needs to be reported immediately, and in a way that it can be investigated without your co-worker knowing. If they are truly underage, then it is illegal activity. a long time advocate against child porn

Brother-in-law crusing hardcore porn sites on Grandparents' computer

Nov 2004

i was on my in-laws computer looking for a web site that i had visited a few days back and saw that there were several hardcore porn sites that had been visited. i checked out their cookies file and saw hundreds of super hardcore sites that were being viewd on a daily basis. my father in-law doesn't know how to turn on the computer and there is absolutly no way that my mother-in-law would view these sites. that leaves my 30 year old brother in-law who is still living with his parents. my 2 year old son spends lots of alone time with his grandparents and uncle for sleepovers and weekend stays. i am totally freaked out that my brother-in-law could be visiting these sites with my son here. is this his private business and i should keep my mouth shut unless my son gives me reason to suspect anything innapropriate going on or should i be very concerned? i am pretty sick over it right now. i plan on telling my husband and i know he is going to be very upset as he is very close with his brother. i am really at a loss over how concerned to be and what to do about it. thanks for your advice. anon please

I visit hardcore porn sites fairly regularly, and I'm a mother of a young child! I don't see anything inherently wrong with porn (I guess that's obvious since I do it too)-- a lot of people view internet porn and I bet your brother's habits are in the majority for 30 yr old single male rather than the minority.

That being said, I would make sure that my child couldn't access the porn in any way. If there is no password lock on the computer now, I would ask my folks/brother to enable one, explaining in general terms that I want to make sure my child accesses only age appropriate internet content (there are lots of ways to approach it without pointing a finger at your brother). Adult content is appropriate for adults only. -Anon

What makes you think your brother inlaw is visiting these sites while your child is present? Do you have real cause to be concerned? Because what you have described is hardly in itself a real reason, and in my opinion it would be very rude of you to confront him about his 'personal' life on the internet unless you have a valid concern. My own DH has plenty of porn on his bookmarks, but I consider that his business, and it certainly doesn't mean he is incapable of caring for our 3 yr old daughter. anonymous

Unless it was porn for pedophiles, in my opinion, it is of no concern and none of your business. It seems a little extreme to think that just b/c this man looks at porn he would ever look at it when your son could be exposed to it--unless there is some other cause for concern about your brother-in-law that you did not mention in your post. If you look at the HUGE numbers of people who look at porn you have to realize that many to most of these folks have kids or are around kids with no harm to the kids. However, if you have existing concerns about your brother-in- law, that is another issue. not a porn fan but could care less if others are

If I was in your husbandUs shoes and you came to me with this information, I certainly wouldnUt be upset or even surprised. It is what I would expect. That is what men do. They masturbate, like your husband does, and many of them prefer internet porn as an aid. It really doesnUt have anything to do with their relationships with other people. This is his private sexual business. Shame on him for not cleaning up after himself, but he probably didnUt know anyone was going to be peeking. You were shocked that he would do this? Would you find it odd if I thought your masturbation practices, whatever they may be, had anything to do with me or my child in your presence?

I have discovered that my reactions are a doorway into myself. A part of my big reactions includes a distinct discomfort or pain in my body that the reaction itself seems to be taking me away from. It is like unconscious pain assuagement with the lashing out at something outside of myself serving as a distraction from what is really going on with me. I have found that moving toward and into the discomfort while at the same time letting go of the blame directed outside myself offers me an experience that ultimately allows me to feel more free and at ease in my body and in the world. This isnUt always easy but it is always rewarding. anon

I am a woman with what I think is a healthy fantasy life, and I enjoy reading erotic literature and occasionally looking at porn. I don't know what you mean by ''hard core,'' and from your description it sounds as if your brother-in-law may be on-line a lot looking at this stuff, but to my mind, this is none of your business. Unless you have reason to believe that he's a pedophile (the sites are pedophile sites?) or that he shows these sites to your son or otherwise behaves inappropriately, I think you are out of line to investigate his fantasy life (you ''checked the cookies''? this isn't your computer, I take it?) and report on him to his brother. He's an adult. You're an adult. If he's not behaving inappropriately in his dealings with you and your family, you don't need to know how he gets sexual satisfaction. fantasy is fantasy

I'd suggest you say NOTHING to anyone -- accept to ask your brother-in- law not to look at ''adult'' websites while your son is in the house, and be sure the computer is off or password protected. Tell him the truth about how you found his stash, and how easily someone else (your son?) could do the same thing.

If your in laws and husband don't know he's doing this, its completely inappropriate for them to hear it from you, unless you think his behavior is actually illegal or dangerous to your son.

If its actually illegal -- call the authorities. If your child is being harmed... do whatever it takes to protect your child, starting with not leaving him there when you aren't with him.

If your brother-in-law is not breaking the law, and not dangerous to your child, but you just don't like what he's doing.... confronting him about his private behavior in his own home is completely improper. Telling anyone else would be rude. Adults have privacy rights, and that violates his. Heather

PLEASE follow your gut instinct here. Never leave your child alone with this person. Never allow sleepovers. Your intuition is always right, don't compromise your child regardless of who the person is. Robbin

Unless the porn sites were child pornography sites, I wouldn't worry at all. Many, many, many (did I say many?) men enjoy pornography, including men who are wonderful parents, grandparents and yes, uncles. The fact that he looks at internet porn doesn't mean he's looking at it when your son is in the room, I rather suspect he doesn't as this is the kind of thing most men rather do in private. Think of it as sex, you are having it, your in-laws are having it, but it's not affecting your child, is it? So leave things alone or discuss them with your husband if you must. anon

I have some ideas for how to handle this. First, protect your in-laws by cleaning out the cookies and links to these sites. For Internet Explorer, right click on the desktop icon and select Properties, select Delete Cookies and Delete Files in the General tab. Next, I don't think it is really any of your business what your brother-in-law does with his free time. Looking at porn does not mean someone is going to do the things they are looking at. But you do have a right to discuss this with him and express your concerns about your little boy. I suggest that you mention what you found, tell him you clean up the computer to protect your in-laws, and set some guidelines like no browsing while the nephew is in the house, to make you feel more comfortable. I wonder if he is paying for the internet service? Good luck. Jeanne

I would not leave my young son alone in that house any more while the uncle is there. Perhaps your husband can talk to his parents about it, and they can start coming over to your house to visit without the uncle? Notifying the uncle will probably just make him learn how to erase the cookies, so I don't think that will help. Better safe than sorry.

I too would loose my sleep over something like this. It's likely that your son is in no danger whatsoever and this man is just into porn (I assume these looked like adult porn sites and not pedophilic sites). Your child's safety and your own peace of mind should come first.

I would talk to the brother in law and confront him about the porn sites. Tell him you know he visits them and that you don't want your child to be anywhere near when this happens. Tell him you don't judge his sexual life as long as it doesn't harm in anyway your child. I would also talk to your husband first, no matter how close he is to his brother he should have the well being of your son as his priority