Advice about Sleep Training

Parent Q&A

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  • We have two children, ages 3 years and 6 months, and live in a typical Berkeley home with two small bedrooms. Our goal is for both kids to be sleeping through the night in the same room. Right now the baby is sleeping in a crib in our room and the toddler is sleeping great in his own room. The baby still wakes up several times a night to eat, but our pediatrician gave us the green light to sleep train since he is very healthy and doesn't require middle of the night feedings. We used the ferber method to sleep train our toddler and it worked well so we're planning to try the same method with this baby. I have two questions: 1) How have other families sleep trained babies using a CIO method when room sharing and with a toddler in the house? 2) How have other families gotten a toddler and a baby to sleep in the same room? Our toddler is a good sleeper and I'm afraid of the baby waking him up at night.

    Hi! We were in the same position as you, and what we ended up doing was bringing the toddler into our room (a little floor bed w/ his toddler mattress in the corner worked great) while we sleep-trained his little brother in a crib in the other room. We took longer than necessary to move big brother back into their shared room (once everyone was sleeping through the night) but that's sort of on us (and him - he loved being our "roomie"). Good luck!

    We moved our toddler into our room for a couple of night. and the baby into the kids’ room. That got us through CIO pretty easily. Once they were sharing a room, the little one would still wake up in the middle of the night on occasion, but the toddler would sleep through it. 

    We had the same issue with our small 2-bedroom house, and ended up moving the baby out to a corner of the living room while we worked on sleep training. It meant that after the baby went to bed we hung out with toddler in their bedroom, and then adults in our bedroom, but it was only 10 days or so until we were certain the baby was comfortable sleeping through the night. Moving the baby into the toddler room was a breeze, because both were solidly sleeping through the night. For awhile the baby went to bed earlier, then they both switched to having a similar bedtime (but we only have a two year age gap).

    Also (unsoclicitated advice, sorry!) I really like the modified Ferber method described in The Sleepeasy Solution - in particular, the book describes a good method to uncouple middle of the night feedings (which can linger for awhile) with "sleep training" (which is typically considered babies learning how to self-soothe and go to sleep on their own without aids. Just another resource in case it's helpful!

    We have a 12 month old and an almost 3 year old. They both sleep through the night if they are in separate rooms so we (the parents) sleep in the living room. If they sleep together, they wake each other up. Usually the younger one makes a peep and then the older one starts yelling. We've been trying to get them to sleep together for 4+ months. It was successful maybe 3 out of 45 attempts. Hopefully you'll have better luck.

    We just went through this last year with our then 5 month old and 3 yr old. Toddler stayed in her room as my husband was worried about moving her out and messing up her routine since she sleeps on her own well and can be very particular about things - her pillow, blanket, etc (didn’t want to have to retrain her again)
    We used our room where baby already slept in a pack and play next to our bed, and did the Feber method over one weekend. One parent took turns checking in on the baby while the other put the toddler to bed in her room, and then we would hang out in the living room till baby was deep in sleep before we could have our room back. We started sleep training on a Friday night and by Monday she was able to soothe herself to sleep. Even though she could put herself to sleep, she would still wake up once around 4:30/5am to feed then go back to sleep so she continued to sleep in the crib in our room until about 7-8 months when she started sleeping till 6am. At that point, we moved her into the room with the 3 yr old and I was always on alert to get her out of the room once she woke up at 6 before crying got too loud (thanks to setting my alarm and babycam stalking). That way she didn’t wake toddler who typically sleeps till 7am and can be a light sleeper. 
    Now they are 1 and 3.5 and both wake up around the same time and the toddler entertains the baby when they wake up  

    For bedtime, the. baby goes down first around 7:30pm. Toddler does her own routine - reading and storytelling in our bedroom and then we walk quietly using a phone night light to get her to her bed. She knows to stay quiet so she doesn’t wake the baby up but occasionally she sings to herself in a low voice as she falls asleep, and the baby is yet to wake up!

  • Hi there! My partner and I live in a 1 bedroom apartment with our 3 month old daughter. I've started to read up on sleep training, and a lot of what I'm reading involves putting our child in another room. Unfortunately, that's not an option for us, so I'm looking for advice from other parents who've successfully sleep trained in a 1 bedroom. As a first-time parent, I am at a loss.

    Our situation: Our apartment includes a living room, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. The bedroom includes a long, narrow closet that runs the length of one of our walls. We don't have any walk-in closets and we don't have a long hallway. BUT her mini-crib will fit in the closet. We have a sliding door that we've removed from the closet, which we could put back up if that would help. Our daughter currently sleeps in a bassinet next to our bed.

    What is most important for sleep training? 

    Thoughts on how to set up our bedroom to facilitate her sleeping well and independently as she gets a little bit older? We are not planning on moving in the near future if we don't have to. 

    Thank you! 

    I guess it would be helpful to understand what you are trying to accomplish with sleep training. It is a little early to stop feeding overnight as most drs recommend continuing to feed at night until around 6 months. We started a bedtime routine around the 12 week point so that our baby could start to understand the pattern. That really helped him start going down easily at night after several weeks of repetition. If that's what you're trying to accomplish then I would think it would be something you could do in a 1 bedroom apartment, assuming your child goes to sleep earlier than you. 

    We recently got our daughter through to 7mo in our 1-bdrm. Our sleep training for her simply included getting her on a reasonably consistent schedule (bed always between 7 and 7:30), and a routine (bottle, book, singing, bed). We gave her a lovey. We put a dohm in the room for white noise. We played a "shhh" song in the room. Black out curtains (think blanket clipped over the window shade) might be helpful for summer. A baby monitor was helpful to keep an eye on what was going on.  We did some cry-it-out. We sometimes caved and bounced her to sleep. Ultimately, feeling out what was right for her and the routine seemed to be the keys. We would wait for her to fall asleep and then quietly get into our bed.

    One note...our baby outgrew her mini-crib at 4mo. She started scratching the sides and would keep herself awake doing so. The full size crib solved that.

    Good luck!

    I feel your pain. I'm a Choice mom (single mom by choice) with an 11 month old daughter. She has her own room but I resorted to the
    "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" book like the bible!  Good luck!

    https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=NyCeCgAAQBAJ&source=prod…

    What I'm envisioning is that the mini-crib will just barely fit in the closet.  That just doesn't sound so good to me - too much like a cage.  And, emotions aside, I don't think a sliding door is going to block out much of the sound. Could you put the mini-crib in the kitchen? Maybe temporarily replace your kitchen table with a folding table, and fold it up at night?

    I assume you're looking down the road, because 3 months is a little early for sleep training. Some pediatricians advise against it until the baby is a year.  You may find when you get there you don't need to do much. If you are lucky!!!

    The narrow closet sounds scary. In my opinion, it is not a good idea to put a baby in such a small enclosed space with no adequate air circulation. If the goal is to teach her to fall asleep on her own, why don’t you just leave her alone in your bedroom and go to the living room while she falls asleep? 

     I live in a 3br house in Richmond, but my 11 month old’s crib is still in our bedroom. I did CIO at 5 months (3 months is still too young to sleep train- babies don’t have sleep cycles and sleep hormones until 4 months). The first couple nights there was a lot of crying, but he quickly learned to put himself back to sleep when it wasn’t a feeding time (like if he woke up an hour after eating). After a few days, he went to sleep with minimal crying, and he’s been sleeping great ever since! It doesn’t matter if you are in the room. A mesh bumper can block the baby’s view, if you are comfortable using one. The most important thing is consistency. Pick a method, and stick to it! Sleep training was amazing for my family. I was a different person from sleep deprivation, and am so happy everyone sleeps now. Congrats on the new baby!

    We have a 6 1/2 month old who sleeps through the night and only have one bedroom/living area with kitchen etc downstairs thus we spend a good amount of time in our loft/bedroom area.  We successfully sleep trained (no night feedings, sleeps in crib from 7p -6a).  We did what many of these other parents did.  Started by initiating a simple bedtime routine around 3 or 4 months (warm wash cloth or bath, diaper change, pajamas, sleep sack, nursing, book, singing).  Transferred to normal sized crib at 5 months.  Did gentle cry it out (books Happy Sleeper and Sleepeasy Solution were pretty helpful). Couple difficult weeks but have had great success for many weeks now.  We don't use a sound machine since I was worried about our babe becoming dependent on it and we do spend time in the room after he's gone to bed.  We of course have to be quiet but we are not silent.  We are within very close proximity and it works.  I imagine that if you can be in the living room while your baby's in the bedroom, even better!  We do have black out shades which seem to help especially for nap times.  Also, right around 5 1/2, 6 months we started night weaning (as advised in The Sleepeasy Solution) and that really helped streamline our nights.  We will be keeping this living arrangement for as long as we can and it is working for now.  Now that our baby understands his routine and where he sleeps, I don't think he is bothered by the fact that we are close by and awake.  

    What we did in a similar situation was have a pack-n-play in the bedroom and a crib in the living room. We would put the baby to sleep in the bedroom, then go about our evening in the rest of the house (and we had a fair bit of evening left - we are huge supporters of the Happy Baby, Healthy Sleep Habits book, which espouses a pretty early bed time).  Once we were ready to go to bed, we would quietly pick up the baby and move him to the main crib.  Typically he did not wake up during this transfer, and if he did it was usually a brief snuffling about.  I suppose you run the risk of the baby waking back up fully and having to repeat any sleep training work you'd done earlier in the evening, which will be trying. But still worth it, in my book.  You'll get good at the transfer - making sure both rooms are dark and quiet, turning on white noise if you use that, etc.  I often wondered if our baby wondered why he woke up in a different spot from where he went to sleep, but he never seemed surprised in the morning, so I think it was just the normal routine for him.

    You (the parents) can just sleep in the living room for 3 nights or so when you sleep train.  We recently moved from NYC where this is common practice :) I also highly recommend the book the sleepeasy solution - great overall sleep strategies and techniques for night weaning or maintaining one feeding while sleep training.  Good luck!

    Hi. I can write about our experience with trying to sleep train in a similarly small apt, but remember that all babies are different! Our son was not one that we could just put down drowsy but awake and he would miraculously fall asleep. We also were in a one bedroom apt his first year of life. The two things that made a huge difference were creating a clear bedtime routine and ‘sleep schedule’ and putting him in a closet. We found that until there was a door between us and him, he’d wake up way more often. But, we also were slower to sleep train—starting our bed routine at about 2 months, but continuing night feedings through 6 months or so. It was a combination I think of bed routines, having him in his own space, and him just getting older that really started to make a difference. Hope this helps! 

    It sounds like you have a good set up. Just follow Ferber can get her down consistently. She hopefully will stay asleep when you both go to bed.  And, and I think the book talks about this (Bringing up Bébé certainly does), if she cries out in the middle of the night, wait a moment- she might get herself back down.  This is a skill she's learning.  Worst thing to do is to pick her up right away.  As for timing as others have mentioned, we employed an overnight doula for our first, when he was under 2mo. and we started then.  He's slept very well since, continues to do so (at 6).  White Noise app is great.

    Have a blanket and pillow on the LR couch if possible, in case one of you needs to be able to sleep fully.

    We sleep trained our daughter at around 4 months in a very small one bedroom apartment (using the Ferber method but I don't think the method is that relevant here). We put her down to sleep in the bedroom and hung out in the living room while she got herself to sleep, then we went to bed. It took one or two nights before we could start going to bed at our normal time. She now goes to sleep around 6:30 and we go to bed around 9. We're quiet when we go in and we've never had any issues with her waking up, even when we get up frequently to use the bathroom or drink water throughout the night. She's now 6 months old, so I don't know if it will continue to work when she gets older. If not, we may be moving our bed out into the living room until we can move to a bigger place.

    Although we have a two bedroom, when we “sleep trained” our daughter she was still sleeping in our room.  We used The Happy Sleeper,which I can’t recommend enough!!  It is kind of a modified sleep training, with a lot of emphasis on the child never getting scared that the parent won’t come back. Like everyone is saying, you wouldn’t be doing a sleep training portion right now, but there are things you can start doing to encourage your daughter to figure out ways to self soothe. Right now you will still be very involved, but you can still start getting her comfortable falling asleep without as much assistance.   We worked on some of the skills around 3 to 4 months. At around 5 1/2 months we did what they call The Sleep Wave with her falling asleep in the bassinet in our room. We were able to make this work for us, and eventually we transitioned her to her own room, but it wasn’t a necessity. 

     Hope this helps