When is it OK to give etiquette hints to son's girlfriend?
We recently invited our son's girlfriend of 2+ years to join us for a family road trip up the coast for a few days. They are both 19 and living at their respective homes now that colleges are closed. She is in our bubble so she comes over to our house a couple of times a week. She is very shy. She doesn't have many friends and she rarely says anything. I like her -- she's sweet and she knows a lot about a wide variety of different topics, so she's interesting to talk to if you can pry conversation out of her. But there are couple of things about her that are bugging me that came to the forefront on the trip, to the point that I'm not sure if I'd invite her on another trip.
Number one problem is BO. Just plain old overpowering underarm BO, not other types of stinky. She's kind of a hippy. I don't think she believes in deodorant and she doesn't seem to shower or change her clothes all that often, even if it's been hot for a few days. I can keep my distance when she comes over to the house, but being closed up in a car with her for 3 hours was pretty unpleasant.
Number two: She never, ever thanks us for anything. Not for the many dinners she's joined us for, not for inviting her on our weekend getaway. She isn't a bother at all, and she always helps out if I ask her to, but it seems like she doesn't know she's supposed to thank the host. A couple of times at dinner after my kids have said "that was great, mom!" I've prompted her with "did you like the ___?" and she just chirps "mm-hmm!"
She was raised by a single dad and I don't know him very well, but I gather they are close and she has always had a lot of independence and responsibility. While she is extremely introverted, she is also adventurous and is the kind of person who does her own thing regardless of what others may think. I admire this, but I feel like she's young, and she ought to have a few basic etiquette tools at hand for future interactions with humans and career prospects. I could ask my son to mention it to her, but I dislike the idea of discussing her personal habits with him, and besides he clearly has no problem with it. So ... what would you do? Play the mom card? Or drop hints to my son and hope he picks up on it and relays it to her?