Toddler stress/BM issues

I highly recommend the Ins and Outs of Poop by Thomas DuHamel. There is also a website but the book lays out a step by step guide for dealing with constipation and witholding. Regardless of the stress that caused it (new baby is a huge stresser for littles) you do need to deal with the poop stuff. We had a lot of issues with our daughter witholding and soiling when I was pregnant and very sick and when the new baby came. Emotional support helped with other behavioral issues but we had to do the DuHamel Poop Program to deal with the poop issues. It took about 6 months and then was fine, I know others who it took longer and any less than 6 months you probably haven't fully dealt with it and the issues will come back.

Mindy Szelap has been so helpful to our family with this issue.  She's at mindy.szelap.lcsw [at] gmail.com

It might be worth asking your pediatrician about a temporary low-dose Miralax regimen, starting with a higher dose to help clear her out and reset her system. It's the only thing that worked for my daughter, in addition to fiber gummies made with inulin. Personally, chia seed pudding completely clears me out (so that I basically can't eat it). Maybe try some? But only after resolving any impaction issues. I made a ritual out of sitting my daughter, who had a tendency to withhold, on the toilet once a day for 15 minutes while I read her a book. I used M&M bribes if needed.

I feel your pain. We went through this recently with our 4 year old and it was incredibly difficult. He would go for days without pooping, and would complain about stomach pain, and we could not get him near the toilet. He also exhibited behavior changes that were concerning (bedtimes were exhausting multi hour events), and when we saw his poop start to leak out we really knew what we were doing wasn't working. We resisted doing a Miralax clean out for a long time, and I never thought I'd be one recommending it, but doing one long weekend cleanout changed our lives. I feel like it worked on a number of levels - he learned to recognize how to do it, he had to bring himself to the toilet several times so it didn't seem like a big deal, and it also helped us parents be more calm and patient knowing that it was going to inevitably come out. Previously I'm sure he felt our anxiety in hoping that he'd try to go. He only pooped maybe once or twice a week for almost 2 years, and now miraculously he gets on the toilet willingly once or twice a day. I know every situation is unique but just wanted to share what worked for us. Hang in there!!

Sorry to hear you are going through this. We were in a similar situation about 3 months ago. Our 3yo son had just started being able to go #2 on the toilet (but only with much coaxing and many many sits throughout the day). Then his beloved preschool teacher got a transfer, plus we all came down with COVID and were on holiday travel. So he started withholding because of all the changes and illness. The only thing that helped us was to do the Soiling Solutions method, which is a bottoms-up approach (i.e. with help of suppositories and enemas, but only as last resort). I bought the digital manual (it's called Clean Kids Manual, you can google this) and also a consultation with the doctor. The method goes against the grain of letting a child decide for themselves when they're ready, but we felt the constipation required our intervention. Within 2 weeks, we were able to get him to not only poop every day but also he is pretty much pooping by himself now on the toilet. If your child was fully potty-trained before, maybe you can have her watch "The Poo In You" first on YouTube (very helpful in our case) to help her process what is happening. Also, for constipation and to "aid" our success in the bottoms-ups approach, I was slipping prunes to my son throughout the day; he especially loves the Costco ones (Kirkland/Sunsweet brand) because they are very high quality. Feel free to PM me if you have any more specific questions.