Thinking of a second child with sperm&egg donor?
We have a 3 year old conceived using donor sperm and am dying to provide a sibling for my child.
Unfortunately, this time round, we have tried and failed multiple IVF cycles. I'm almost 42. My RE has told me it is time to move on to donor egg if I want a biological child or adoption as another option.
I am excited with the donor egg idea vs adoption as we could still use the same donor sperm and I would be happy that my kids would share half of their genetic makeup. I'm not worried at all about being able to bond with our child. However, I'm freaked out that our future child will have no genetic connection with us. Will she or he grow up feeling the void of missing that genetic link? I feel that at least with adoption, there is some openness and I think I would be more at peace if we could find an egg donor that we could meet and be in touch with..well, does such a thing exist, something like open adoption?
On another note, I'm reading horror stories online of young women recruited without any information on the risks involved and ending up in hospital even years after raking up huge medical bills. I feel bad that I'm exploiting another woman's body for my person gain, I know it sounds dramatic, I would LOVE to hear from anyone who has been a egg donor and who can talk about ethical agencies and most importantly agencies to avoid.
Please share your experiences!! thanks!
Parent Replies
I do not have experience of this personally but a good friend of mine donated eggs via an agency in the UK called Altrui - http://www.altrui.co.uk/ - they focus specifically on finding egg donors who have some personal experience that helps inform their decision to pursue altruistic donation. My husband and I conceived our twins via donor sperm so we did not go this route, but a friend of ours who also used donor sperm to have her 3 children then decided to become an egg donor to 'pay it forward' so to speak! I was half interested in doing this but did not fulfil the criteria by that point. So to say that there are some people who do go into the experience very aware of the consequences although I'm sure this is sort of an exception! But if Altrui can't help you in the US you could also call them and talk through some of your questions, they might be able to recommend another agency.
On a side note, we recently moved here with our kids and are looking to connect with other donor-conceived families! It would be great to connect or if you have any local resources/meet ups to share we'd appreciate it. And I'm sure you already know about the Donor Conception Network but if not they have lots of resources for double donation families too https://www.dcnetwork.org/
Hello! We used a donor egg and I gave birth to my son (now 7) at age 46. We had worked on our fertility issues for several years, but an egg donation became our best chance for success. My son has a genetic connection to my husband, but not me. It took me just a little time to wrap my head around that fact, but it seems like a very small issue to me now. We used the fabulous Fertility Connections in Mill Valley to find our egg donor. They were on our fertility doctor's list of recommended donor agencies. We were with Kaiser at the time and I felt confident that the agencies that they recommended had been thoroughly vetted. The agency's policies, insurance requirements, contract, and more made me feel that the donors they worked with were well informed and well protected about risks and any other potential issues. In regard to meeting the donor, the agency has all parents and donors note if they do want to meet each other, do not want to meet, or were ok either way. The donors' choices are noted on their profiles so we had that information when choosing a donor. In our case, both parties had noted "ok either way". In the end, we decided not to meet.
From an early age, we have told our son that a wonderful lady gave us one of her eggs to use since mine were "broken". In the past year, I have talked with him about how eggs and sperm contain genes that determine many of our physical characteristics and that he gets his from both the lady and Daddy. He has accepted it all and asked a few questions when we talked. I expect that more questions will come up as he learns more about reproduction and genetics, but I feel that we have created a good foundation for understanding. Best wishes on your quest for a donor!
look at pacific fertility in san Francisco
their donors are well informed and the facility is top notch
Hi Mena, What you are looking for exists; donors who will meet you and be open to contact. Although you have an RE, I would encourage you to contact ours: Dr. Aimee Eyvazzedeh. She is an RE unlike any other in the Bay area, extremely accessible and *very* plugged into infertility resources in the area and nationwide including egg donation agencies and individuals. She is incredibly ethical and I would trust her judgement without hesitation regarding your specific situation; she would be a terrific source for referrals. Her deets are:
925-277-0600
She is very responsive to email: email [at] draimee.org
Additionally, donorconcierge.com may be a good option for you; they will do nationwide searches of reputable agencies for you (for a fee) and they have a top-notch reputation in their field.
Lastly, I would point out that with an egg donor you will carry the child and while that is not a genetic link, it is certainly a very strong biological link. There can be openness about a egg donor child just like with an adopted child.
Good luck