Teen wants to live with mom only

I have been divorced several years from my child's father, who is a vindictive narcissist and super hard to deal with. We have a 50/50 timeshare with our child, now a teenager. Teen has said they want to live with me full-time though each time thus far has changed their mind after a bit. From what I gather from my divorce attorney, the process of changing the timeshare arrangement takes some time, and is not guaranteed to go the way the teen wants. I support whatever my child wants to do, and we can provide documentation of dad's negative behavior. For those who have been through a similar situation, could you please share how the process has gone...do you have a family therapist who is experienced in this...what if one day my child refuses to go to dad's house...what else do we need to know? Thank you. 

Parent Replies

Parents, want to reply to this question? Sign in to post.

Hello anonymous,

I would like to connect on this in case this happens for us.
Would you like to also?
Stay strong,

Hello dear parent,

Your attorney is correct,  ultimately is the adult parent(s) who make the decision regarding child custody and not the minor/child.   Of course the judge will hear both sides and in most cases refer for mediation.  the judge does not have any interest in breaking the nuclear cycle of the family (unless is evidence of physical, emotional or sexual abuse to a minor - in this case the perpetrator parent will end up behind bars).       How old is your teenager?  Is dad's negative behavior verbal, physical toward child?    it seems your teenager keeps changing his/her mind (I will pay attention to this, it could be a transition phase most teenagers experience, especially during this period of wanting more independence.).   I understand you want to support "whatever  your teenager want to do",   but keep in mind your teen is a minor and often times teenagers are driven by the "immediate now".   I will suggest therapy with the specific plan to address teenagers's resistance  and feelings to see dad .  This is an issue of family therapy and a decision that involve everyone in the family but in particular a adult decision with some input of the teenager.