Teen son has told me he is asexual
So, my teen son told me yesterday that he is asexual. I'm afraid I didn't handle it that great, mostly at first I just said, okay. I mean, I had thought about what I would say to my child if they came out as gay/transgender/whatever but this had never occurred to me. The next day I sat down and told him I was surprised and didn't know much about it but support him completely. So now, how do I do that? I have been reading some websites and am trying to figure out what to say/not say but am hoping other parents have advice or recommendations on how to support him, especially so he knows I am not trying to "fix" him. He has probably done some research but I assume there are teen groups he can find? Or.... anything else anyone can tell me would be great.
Parent Replies
It sounds like you handled it well. Sometimes all that a parent can do is say, "Okay. I love you". I was asexual for about a year when I was 17. There are many phases we go through. Adolescence is marked by feeling new things, trying on feelings and identities like sweaters to see what sticks. Impermanence and change are never more apparent than in adolescence. I have had to learn to not have something to say about every girlfriend my son has, because that label is used frequently and often just describes a flirtation. Things change every day, his moods, his likes.....everything except for the fact that he's a great guy with a good heart. You can ask him if he'd like some support group, but chances are he doesn't need anything from you except calm acceptance and love.
I agree with the previous response -- I think you handled it well! And I'm not sure there's anything you have to "do" -- since it's not a problem -- but continue to be there for him and listen when he tells you what he needs. Especially for teens, asexuality can be seen as counter-cultural, but there are many, many people who lead single, celibate, happy and fulfilled lives.
I imagine this is hard for you to hear- but at this age I would not take his proclamation too seriously. Just let him know that the teen years and beyond are times of trying on identities and many hats and encourage him to keep exploring. Try not to react with shock even if you are shocked.