Teen boys social life
What is social life like for your high school boy?
My highschool boy is generally happy, doing well in classes and playing sports and in several clubs at school. He’s great.
However, outside of organized clubs and sports event, he does not socialize. He does not get invitations to hang out or go places. He’s mostly home with us on Saturday and Friday nights. Is this atypical? I wonder if he’s missing something about making friends, or other boys are also at home.
May 30, 2025
Parent Replies
I’ve found that since Covid and since after school travel sports and other activities got so popular, boys tend to be home when not doing those activities and/or communicate with friends on Ap’s and on line more than face to face interactions. This is a sad state of the world today, I think.
Yes, same experience here. My son is just finishing up at Berkeley High, but while he was involved in various activities, he didn't really form a solid friend group. Just had various friends here and there. And Berkeley High is so massive, you don't really see the same people year to year in your classes. He seemed mostly ok with it, but I'm hoping college is better for him. I think the covid lockdown in middle school also crushed his social life before he headed into high school and I'm not sure he really bounced back.
My son sounds exactly like yours when he was in his early teens. His outside-of-school socializing clicked in in 11th grade and remained extremely strong right through graduation last week. I think there are a few reasons: (1) He's an observer. At the beginning of high school, he was busy watching what the kids who seemed to be more social were doing and figuring out his place in the mix. Some of his elementary and middle school friends took paths that he wasn't so into and what looked like not getting invitations to hang out, was actually not that. It was avoiding situations where he wouldn't feel comfortable and not reporting his friends' questionable behavior to me or my husband. (2) He got his driver's license. That was a game-changer! (3) His personality is such that he was decently social at school and happy to have the downtime at home. (There were also video games at home in which he controlled the social situation for a while.)
I wish we had worried less. He's a lovely, well-adjusted kid whose ultimate friend group is goofy and sweet and smart. It just took him a while to get there. Best wishes to you and your son.
I feel like this is typical for this generation. My teen is similar: well-adjusted, plenty of friends, plays sports, has his driver's license, doing well in school. Aside from the occasional sleepover or school dance he hangs out at home with us on the weekends - he's often studying but also plays video games online with his friends. I definitely think the pandemic did a number on social development. I used to worry about it but at the same time I'm glad he's not out drinking and getting into trouble.
My senior boy is the same. He is in a club and does drama, but he hangs with us a lot. He definitely feels like he hasn't found his friend group at Berkeley High. He did a month-long study abroad program last year and immediately clicked with the other kids and really enjoyed it. I've been telling him college will be more like that (he's going to a small college next year). I hope he finds his social groove there. Like someone else said, I'm relieved he's not smoking dope and drinking - I have some friends whose kids have gotten into really huge trouble with that at Berkeley High. I personally never felt I clicked with others in high school but loved the college experience. Fingers crossed the same will happen to my son!