Still Enjoy Your Husband?
My partner and I have been together for almost 15 years, we have one child. We have been to couples therapy on and off and working on our relationship for 4 years especially due to his anger issues and verbal abuse. Fortunately, he has worked on himself and has learned to control his anger and eliminate his abusive outbursts; he has really come around but it took a long time. Now, it's about rebuilding trust and intimacy in the relationship. He is pressuring me for sex but I don't feel ready to be intimate. Sex was never a solid thing to begin with for us and was even at times stressful as it was happening! I feel we should be connecting in other ways before sex can feel natural. I want to want to have sex. However, I can't stop thinking about the fact that we don't have a lot of fun together. I see other couples that do things together and seem to really enjoy each other. I'm not feelin' that. Life is more about the house, the finances, the schedules, the kid, etc. We have our own hobbies but not something we do that's just us. I've suggested activities but they are not received well or seem at all interesting to him. Most nights are spent with him in front of the TV and me behind a book-in different rooms. I've lost my compulsion to do nice things, plan dates - everything feels so forced, an effort, even contrived. We end up talking about the kid or work when out together. I feel our lives are boring, that HE is boring. Even when he's doing something he deems fun there's stress, negativity, bitching. I'm more likely to take things in stride. I've learned to do my own thing, cultivate relationships, give myself projects/goals to keep myself from going nuts. I just want to laugh, play, learn new things, grow. Is this mid-life, house, raising child normalcy? How can I want to be sexual with someone that I don't see myself spending a day/afternoon with most of the time? Are we just in a rut? Have you felt this way and turned things around? If so, how? I would especially like to hear from folks who have suffered a betrayal in their relationship. I have to admit that years of verbal abuse has walled me off. So, I find this really difficult to overcome.