Sibling room sharing: different bedtimes
Hello, I would like to put my almost 4-year-old girl and just turned 2-year-old boy in the same bedroom. They would like to be together and we have an extra room. But, I'm not sure how to handle the different bedtimes. The older girl usually falls asleep 60-90 minutes later than her brother. We could put her brother to sleep first and then bring his sister in to the bedroom after reading books with her in another room. However, I don't think there is any way we can get my daughter to be completely quiet when she comes into the bedroom. My daughter is very chatty when she falls asleep and we usually sit with her for a while so she can unwind and relax as she falls asleep. Her brother is a decent sleeper but the disruption of a parent and his sister coming into the room would certainly wake him.
I have read the posts on this topic on the website but I am looking for strategies that you have found worked putting two kids in the same room. Both kids are still in cribs although we will probably take the front railing off my daughter's crib some time in the next year. My daughter is a very restless sleeper and we've delayed moving her to a bed since it's likely to make her sleep worse if she can easily get out of bed during the night.
Both kids wake up occasionally at night but I think we could probably quietly get one or the other back to sleep in the middle of the night without bothering the other child too much.
Parent Replies
This sounds a lot like my kids (6 y.o. girl, 3.5 boy). I was worried that bedtime talking would keep my son awake, or vice versa, but I’ve found that it’s very hard to wake either of them at that point in their sleep. If they wake each other up, it’s usually past 3 am or in the morning. I know every kid is different, but my daughter is a very light sleeper and wakes at the drop of a hat, but has yet to be awoken by her brother’s loud chitchat when she has occasionally fallen asleep before him. She also gets quite loud at bedtime and he’s never woken up. I read to both of them and he usually falls asleep while I’m reading, and then I chat quietly (well, as quietly as possible, ha) with my daughter for awhile until she’s settled down a bit. Bedtime hasn’t really been an issue since they’ve started sharing, it’s more the MOTN but that’s a story for another thread, ha!
My two (two years apart) have been in the same room since the baby was 4 months old. When they went to bed at different times, we would do all of the older one's bedtime routine outside the bedroom and only go in the room as the very last step when we were ready to get right in bed. He would talk and be loud, especially in the beginning. Usually the baby slept through it. Sometimes she woke up, and we would have to put her back to sleep too. The baby was also a bad sleeper in the beginning and would often wake up crying in the middle of the time. Usually the toddler slept through it, but sometimes he would wake up. It was challenging for the first couple months. But now they've been in the same room for two years and they're both great sleepers and regularly sleep through each other's shenanigans. Good luck!
This sounds just like us. Younger boy is a light sleeper; older girl is a heavy sleeper. We have them in the same room. In the end, we set one bedtime for something in the middle, around 7:30-8pm, consistently. We did this partially out of necessity since my son had separation anxiety and didn't sleep well in a room by himself. (We used to lay in his room until he fell asleep, then sneak out, but I heard that makes abandonment issues worse.) My daughter initially didn't like the earlier bedtime, but we eased into it and now it is no problem. I have seen a lot of research that shows Americans generally get too little sleep, and brain health is boosted by an hour more sleep than you think you need. Of course, son goes to bed later than we'd like, but he's still napping at daycare. Finally they sometimes sing and talk to each other before falling asleep, which encourages unsupervised sibling bonding. It's adorable to listen to when it doesn't get out of hand, when we have to step in and remind them it's bedtime!
You may be surprised at what little brother can sleep through... it's worth a try. I have had our 2 boys (3.5 years apart in age) share a room at more than one juncture and it has a way of working itself out. Put little brother to bed first, then do the bedtime routine with big sister in another area, read books and snuggle on mom and dad's bed or the sofa or wherever, and then she will learn that she needs to be very quiet when you both go into their room for sleeping. You can sit quietly with her in the dark, but basic instructions of "shhhh... no talking" might just be enough. Good luck!