Seeking a Therapist for Gender Questioning 7YO

My 7-year old daughter wants to be a boy. She dresses like a boy and recently we cut her hair off. I want to support her on this journey and my husband and I, and my daughter all need professional help. She has extreme rage and is very confused. We are going through all the emotions and feel unsure of how to best support her, and ourselves.

Any family therapists or play based therapists with expertise in gender issues would be very much appreciated.

Thank you.

Parent Replies

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An organization called Gender Spectrum has a monthly support group for parents and other caregivers of gender-expansive children. You will find a great community there who can help you on your journey and give you therapist leads. More info here:

We have one of the country's experts on transgender children right here in Oakland. Diane Ehrensaft (510) 547-4147. She wrote the book "The Gender Creative Child." 

Gender Spectrum is having their big annual conference this coming weekend 7/7-8. You might want to go with your child. Also, Diane Ehrensaft, PhD in Oakland is a developmental psychologist who specializes in this area. If she doesn’t have openings, she may have referrals. There is a local camp for kids called Kickin’ It. 

I would encourage you to contact John Luna Sparks who I worked with for many years at Children's Hospital.  John is an LCSW with great experience and familiarity regarding these issues , certainly worth talking with him about your daughter.  He also is an Acupuncturist.  This is his website.  I believe his Psychotherapy practice may be in Albany.

Dr. Diane Ehrensaft is a long time expert in the area of child treatment and gender questions.

I think Jessie Rose Cohen (who is great) works more with gender-questioning teens, but she'd know whom to refer you to.  Make sure you get a specialist in gender identity.

Best of luck.

Sorry I don't have a therapist recommendation, but as an adjunct, I can recommend the novel "This is how it always is" by Laurie Frankel. It tells the story of a family and their M to F transgender child from a smart, fun, well written and well researched perspective.

If you have Kaiser, I wholeheartedly recommend Rebecca Patridge. She is based out of Kaiser MH in Walnut Creek. 

A trans friend of mine wholeheartedly recommends Erik Grabow MFT. He is based near Ashby BART. His number is 510-549-3797. 

If you need additional resources, you are welcome to message me. 

Another place for resources would be the Trans Lifeline. 

Much love to you and your child.