Prom ticket etiquette
If there is a ticket that must be purchased for prom, say over $100 per person, and boy invites girl (AFTER girl strongly hints that she would like boy to invite her to prom, but does not explicitly suggest to boy that they attend together, even though 1) boy is obviously clueless and 2) boy would obviously love to go to prom with girl and 3) one would expect that, in 2018, girl would feel sufficiently independent to suggest it outright to clueless boy, but nothing happens until boy's mother points out to boy that obviously girl would like to be invited and boy should ask girl to go to the prom, which he eventually does, and girl immediately and enthusiastically accepts.) So. Is boy expected to pay for girl's prom ticket? (= $200+) Does girl's financial situation vs. boy's financial situation have bearing on this? (assuming boy even knows what financial situation is, which he doesn't)? How does this work in 2018?
- Just wondering
Feminist mom of clueless boy
Parent Replies
It really should have nothing to do with "feminism":
1. If they go to the same school, they should each buy their own ticket.
2. If they go to different schools, the one at the host school should buy both tickets, but maybe the other one buys dinner.
3. The kids could discuss this themselves; a main point of consideration should be each financial situation. For example, I get the idea from your post that perhaps the girl is presenting some entitlement. The boy needs to let her know that he will take her, but his budget (including tickets, transportation, corsage, suit/tux, etc is $X), her loss if she can't deal with it.
Each kid should pay. $100 is a lot of money.
Hmm, kind of tricky. Since he/you :-) did the asking, it might not be cool to turn around and ask the girl to pay. He probably has to wait for her to offer to buy her own ticket. My daughter was asked by a friend, not as a formal "date" but just because the friend didn't want to go alone. We paid for my daughter's ticket.
Mostly, I just wanted to say that your post was the most entertaining I've read in a while!
Dear feminist mom of clueless boy,
Your post cracked me up. I think since he invited her, he should probably pay. If you think that costs should be split evenly, try to keep in mind that it is pretty expensive for a girl to go to prom.
My daughter went to prom recently and here's how it went: Her date paid for the tickets. Because he bought the tickets, she offered to get the flowers. By the time she bought her dress & shoes, had her hair and nails done (a friend helped with her makeup) and then bought the flowers, I'm pretty sure she spent at least as much as her date, although I don't know how much it is to rent a tux nowadays. She was actually extremely aware of the costs and bought a dress from a girl on Facebook, so it's not like she was being extravagant.
The kids can work it out however they want though. I hope they have fun. It sounds like they like each other. :-)
Your post and esp. your signature made me smile. I am truly shocked at some of the traditional ways of young women today who think they are egalitarian except when it comes to asking a guy out on a date or paying for the first date and proposing marriage: never! (I teach Family at university level). So my son took his girlfriend to the prom and I think she purchased her ticket and they split some of the other costs. I had a good time purchasing a wrist corsage for her, I must admit. I'd encourage you to talk w/ your son about approaching the topic with his date somehow. He could suggest that he pays for dinner and would she be able/willing to pay for X. Your son sounds very endearing in his cluelessness, I must tell you. Enjoy.
The etiquette rules for prom in this regard aren't any different than those for any other date. The one who does the inviting - unless some other arrangement is proposed up front as part of the invitation - is responsible for paying the cost of admission (and transportation, and food, and so on) for the invited.
In my opinion, the silly games that teenagers play when trying to figure out who likes whom doesn't have any real bearing on this, nor does the relative financial resources of the involved parties, nor does the fact that yes, in 2018 (or even in 2008 or 1998 or 1988 for that matter) a girl who wants to go to the prom with a boy really ought to just ask him straight out! That said, if the relationship is a good one it ought to be possible (if still somewhat embarrassing for the boy who had to be hit with a clue-by-four) for the inviting person to humbly admit to financial restraints and request a contribution from the invited person. And my 17yo often tells me that my sense of the right thing to do is ridiculous, and he and his friends don't follow "all these rules". Social skills are certainly not a strength for him, and I think he'll discover the good reasons for those rules as he gets older, but you never know...I could be wrong!
No, I think each person should pay for their own ticket. My son has been invited to 2 Senior proms (different girls) and both times he paid for his own ticket as she paid for hers. They split the other expenses as well (limo, pictures, etc.) He did buy the girls the traditional corsage as well as his own boutonniere. But sometimes the girl buys the boutonniere for the guy. These days kids generally split things 50-50, even dates. I guess if one person's financial situation would prevent them from going to prom the other person could offer to pay, but it's not expected. Prom is ridiculously expensive, and don't forget he'll want to rent a suit or tux if he doesn't have one!
What a wonderful question! I hope others chime in. My child is in elementary school, so I have no first-hand experience. Just writing to point out that as you consider respective financial obligations of Boy and Girl, keep in mind that Girl is likely to spend waaaaaaay more on appearance for this event. If Boy's high school prom is anything like the ones I just observed around here, Girl and her peers (and/or their families) will spend money on buying a dress that cannot look like anyone else's dress, shoes that cannot have been worn before because they must go with the dress, plus hair, makeup, bag, and jewelry/accessories. Boy will buy some but not all of these things, and each item will cost less than the corresponding one that Girl purchased. It may even the score a bit if Boy pays for Girl's ticket.
I have taught my daughter to ALWAYS pay for herself on dates of any kind. It severs any basis for a sense of entitlement to sexual payback for money spent on the part of any boy/young man who asks her out. I don’t want her to feel either entitled or indebted, but to be responsible for herself and unencumbered in making her choices. She and her steady BF have looser arrangements based on who has money but try to stay roughly balanced.