Can't afford to divorce, seeking therapist to draw up a contract
I am at the end of my rope, but still have at least 2 years before I can afford to divorce. I need a couple’s therapist to help draw up a contract to equalize responsibilities around household duties, get stability in management of finances and get basic rules for child rearing or I will surely lose my mind. It is already affecting the kids. We get to ugly stalemates. If I get busy with work, instead of pitching in, he will take it as “cat’s away” and blow off what little he does do. I get home and kids are neglected/glued to screens, domestic work is undone, no one is fed . Leveraging of situations to express unhappiness indirectly is happening through kids who are acting out for many good reasons. It’s chaos and we havre to pull it together.
I encourage my husband to have hobbies and leave me with kids. Everything goes much smoother when he is gone and not undermining basic routines. Problem is, we have to dig out of financial disaster #2 he created before we can separate. I have to work more, which means everything unravels and the kids are crazy, the house is exploded and husband resentful that I would leave him with the kids. Can’t afford to outsource anything and whatever extra I could use to move out and divorce are used to stabilize us financially. I know he will never change, hemce my desire to ultimately divorce when feasible. In the meantime, I would like for us to establish basic rules of engagement for the sake of the children, household and our sanity.
I’m not ready to use the D-word out of the certainty he will destroy me financially and retaliate through the kids. But this crap has to change because it is totally toxic to us all. There are days I worry someone may call CPS when I am working due to naked unfed children on the street because the house is uninhabitable and my husband is locked up in his office glued to a computer screen, oblivious to anyone else but himself
I would like for us to go to a behavioral, no nonsense couples therapist who can help draw up a contract that lays out clearly the responsibilities. I do not need or want to hash out underlying issues. We’ve been there, done that and husband sits there agreeably and refuses to engage. Getting a plan with action steps takes out the finger pointing and wiggle room.
Thanks in advance for referrals in North Betkeley, Albany or El Cerrito. Thanks!