Is the Montessori approach "too hands off?"
Hi everyone, would love some feedback / advice. Apologies in advance for the long post.
Our son has been attending a local Montessori school for the last 2 years. Overall, it's been a good experience albeit we felt in the dark on day-to-day activities or curriculum (as we couldn't enter classrooms or observe interactions due to Covid and they don't provide photos or regular updates). Unfortunately, there's been a recent trend since January where he's come home with more scrapes and bruises, or has talked about not wanting to go to school because X friend keeps pushing him down. We have also seen some of the older (bigger) kids not respecting our son's personal space during morning drop-off time but the check-in teacher doing nothing about it. It also sounds like (from talking to the teachers) our son in particular is often on the receiving end of physical aggression during outdoor time, as other parents apparently haven't reported their children having the same experience. What pushed us to consider a new school was his recent repeated request that I call other parents to ask them to talk to so-and-so about not pushing him down -- in particular, a classmate he considers to be his "best friend" :/. When I ask what the teachers do when this happens, he either says "I don't know" or doesn't respond. When we talk through what he can do in these situations, it sounds like he either isn't comfortable telling the teachers or that they don't really do anything in these circumstances.
Based on this and a few other things we've experienced (ex. lunch coming home with milk everywhere since the kids are responsible for putting things away), it seems like the Montessori environment is almost too hands off with the kids as we're concerned why teachers don't intervene, but I can't tell if I'm overreacting. Of course, this is all based on what my son is telling me -- and totally understand it's possible that he might be omitting some key details.
We've heard great things about Smiles and were able to tour recently -- everything seems great and we think our son will appreciate the structure they provide but curious if others have experienced a similar "too hands-off" approach at their Montessori school? (For what it's worth, my son doesn't want to change schools and got upset when we broached the topic, but it's gotten to the point where we really can't tell if teachers aren't paying attention or if they just don't care, or if letting kids work things out themselves is simply the Montessori approach).
Again, not sure if it's his particular classroom or school, but would love to hear other parent's perspectives. Thanks so much in advance.
Parent Replies
I am curious which school this is, as our kid has also been coming home bruised and often talking about being pushed, but etc. understand if you’re not comfortable sharing. This is not, however, the Montessori way. Yes, the philosophy is that the kids should learn conflict resolution but you should be told if / when this happens (our school does not report it and I have complained that we need more transparency). Started to have similar thoughts of moving schools as with the head teacher gone on maternity leave and another leaving, they have replaced with two seemingly relatively inexperienced teachers so I don’t foresee it getting much better.
Neither of my children attended a Montessori based preschool, so I can't speak to what is normal. However, one of my children attended Smiles. It is a well run program, and very popular in the neighborhood, particularly with Montclair and Thornhill Elementary parents. Given its popularity, I would encourage you to make your decision sooner rather than later as they always have a waiting list.
I'm so sorry you are having this experience! My 2.5 year old has been at Grand Lake Montessori for almost a year and is having a wonderful experience. Some of the things you share (like lack of photos and updates) is extremely different than the experience we have been having at GLM (even though their campus is also closed to visitors due to COVID). My understanding is that there is no copyright on the term Montessori and so anyone can use it and there is a huge range of positive and negative "Montessori" environments. If it were me, I would ask the teachers directly about the physical aggression issue and would expect them to help problem solve the issue. It is understandable that there may be minor physical altercations between students, but the teachers also need to protect the safety of the students and come up with solutions if there is an ongoing issue. I would expect direct communication if another kid injured mine (e.g. my son was bit by another student once, and I got a phone call to share what had happened). My understanding of Montessori is not that it is "hands-off" but that it is about supporting kids to learn how to be independent, but that still means a hands-on role for teachers to provide the safe environment needed.