MFT to help navigate next steps in a crumbling marriage...?

After almost 20 years with my partner, and almost 11 years of marriage, we (mostly me) are finally speaking seriously about the possibility of splitting up. We're looking for a counselor who can help us communicate with each other to determine if there is anything left to salvage...and if not, someone who can help us uncouple with as little emotional fallout as possible (we also have a 9-year old son). Looking for someone in the Oakland or Berkeley/Oakland border. Any leads are appreciated.

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I'm sorry that you're having serious problems in your marriage. In terms of a good counselor, I highly recommend The Couples Center in central Berkeley. That's a bit north of where you're looking, but they're highly regarded.

And, though I know you might not want to think about this right now, if you have brought up divorce with your partner -- or before you do -- it's wise to find consult an attorney or two. Even if you both start out amicable, things can change very quickly, even with someone you trusted and thought you knew well. It's better to be prepared and have eyes wide open, than to be caught flat-footed.

Hi, 

Janelle Salah is an amazing therapist that my husband and I (married for 10 years, in a relationship for 16 years) have been seeing for the last 3 years.  We have been in couples therapy on and off throughout our marriage.  Janelle is the only therapist that has been able to connect with my husband who has a difficult time connecting with his emotions much less putting them in words.  She is kind but is direct and fair.  Although our work is lifelong, she has helped us find our way back to each other in difficult, stressful times. Janelle is located on Shattuck in Berkeley.  She does not accept insurance but can provide billing codes.  Her phone number is 510-540-5970. I cannot say enough great things about her.  She truly has a gift.  Good luck to you! 

We have found Rachel Katz (415-641-9380) to be a very skilled and sensitive couples therapist. She is warm and down-to-earth, with a good sense of humor, and can navigate and hold space for very difficult conversations. She works with humility, strength, lucidity, and grace. The therapeutic process can be incredibly difficult, but we've come to trust her to help us find understanding and a way forward. Her office is located on Shattuck, near Ashby.