20 year old's marijuana addiction

Hi, my child is no longer a child as he's now 20. That said, he is nowhere near being mature and I know he's smoking weed. Actually, I think he's smoking "blunts" which I think are cigars with marijuana, so the outside of it is all tobacco leaves and marijuana is inside. He's doing worse in his classes and keeps talking about dropping out of college, often is so tired that goes to bed by 8 pm and is often acting aggressively (tries to wrestle and do a "take down") with me and other family members all the while saying he's "playing" and "having fun" with us even when we tell him to stop many times over.  My husband and I talk to him about this every day and asking him to stop, but he doesn't listen.

It's the pandemic and life is hard for everyone, but I just can't deal with this anymore.  Is there a way to get someone like that to stop???  He's gone through a program for substance abuse at Kaiser when he was in high school and stopped for a couple of months then, and then twice again (right before college and again just a couple of months ago).  But now, he doesn't even want to talk about stopping.  He promised to use less, but I am not seeing that happening either.

Any ideas?  Treatment?  Again, with COVID I don't know if sending him to a treatment center is possible, and even if it were, he is unlikely to agree to it and we can't quite make him since he's 20 years old.

Feeling helpless and sad

Parent Replies

Parents, want to reply to this question? Sign in to post.

You need to stop asking him to stop. It is annoying him and clearly useless. Ask him to do something with you instead. Help with the garden. Play tennis. Go for a walk or a run. Take an interest in his classes. Read his textbooks and tell him what you find interesting. Try to be a positive influence on his life. Find something to compliment. It may be difficult given the situation, but no one responds well to constant criticism. 

I am the person who submitted this question. Just to add, our son is not interested in his family or doing anything with it/us. We try asking him to join us or help us all the time, and the only thing he wants is for us to give him money or buy him things. He used to be into so many things, but ever since he started smoking pot in high school there are fewer and fewer of them, and now all he cares about is weed:  he smokes it, looks at pictures of it on his phone and now he wants to grow it (he tried that before and wasted our money on that). His car (which several family members bought for him) is littered with ash and remnants of weed, has holes burnt in the seats and stinks of pot since he's smoking in it with windows rolled up (I think that's called hotboxing).  He's impossible to talk to, as he's almost always either high or coming off of a high, so he's acting and speaking outside of social norm.  He almost got kicked out of college because of pot and is now forbidden to appear in person on campus until this year is over, which is ok since school is virtual now, but still. My husband is ready to check him into a rehab program, but we don't know if there's a good one that would work and then we'd have to talk our son into going there since he's an adult even though he's not acting or thinking like one. He's seeing a therapist, but cancels his sessions with him since he doesn't think he has any issues. I love him, but only because he's my son. I don't like him as a person at all, but still hope he would be at least able to take care of himself and be somewhat successful if he figures out how to become and stay sober.