Making friends at 10
Hello all,
I have a 10-year-old son just started fifth grade and he’s having a hard time socially. Last year I wrote about him and got some great suggestions. He actually ended up making a friend all on his own but sadly we had to switch schools this year. So back to square one. He may be on the very mild end of the spectrum, or just very socially anxious, but one things for sure: he doesn’t easily make friends. Most of the time he seems to ignore other kids and they ignore him. He kind of freezes up when people outside his inner circle talk to him. For the first time I recently heard him say “ I don’t wanna be the loneliest kid in school” and “I don’t know how to make friends” . Of course this broke my heart and it showed awareness of the issue. It showed that he actually does care about this, and he wants help. He does not have a formal diagnosis, he is getting psychotherapy for anxiety, including social anxiety. We are in the Northbay. And I am interested in anyone’s experiences with a similar situation, meds or therapy or social skills groups, etc. any suggestions or leads greatly appreciated!
Parent Replies
Our son was similar. Boy Scouts (now just "Scouts") was very helpful for him. He was mentored by older boys and gradually made friends on his own. Activity-oriented programs are a good way o meet new people. And you can keep up the friendship with the boy from the old school.
Or, my kid as an older teenager, looking back on his childhood, "Why didn't anyone like me?". He started taking Lexapro, a very small dose, 5 mg, and it helped with the social anxiety. Also he started therapy, but when he was 15, I wish we had gotten him help earlier (therapy or meds, or anything), so good for you for finding a therapist. My son has some kind of social deficit, mild, and he has several good friends now. Best wishes to you and your son.
I would describe my son similar to how you describe your 10 year old. At some point in early elementary I bought him this book: https://www.amazon.com/Growing-Friendships-Making-Keeping-Friends/dp/1582705887. He is an avid reader and I would catch him reading it at times. The book has helpful social skills advice in a kind of how-to, half-graphic novel, style. There are all of those simple social things (like greeting people) that many people do naturally and many of us need guidance on. The book covers a bunch of elementary friend issues. I recommend it.
Thanks so much for your replies and suggestions. I already ordered the book on making friends!