Looking for more and less- are there options, really?
So. I'm a solo parent to 2 elementary school age kids (kids father has been completely out of the picture for over 4 years now). I work full time and have a pretty decent job and salary, yet as we all know, prices in the bay area have made it impossible for me to be a homeowner, and rent has continued to go up. I find myself in a constant state of stress. I have some help- I don't try to do it all myself (hired help, and some other family help), but I feel like we've gotten to "as good as it gets". I hate to complain because we have so much, and I'm so thankful for health and a job when I know so many people have it worse AND I also feel like something major is amiss.
Our days go by in a constant state of disarray- from crazy mornings trying to get kids to where they need to go then myself to work, then get through work, then back home for dinner and bedtime routine, I feel like the enjoyment of living life is passing us by. My kids have some special needs and need extra support (one of them needs a specialized school and we shall see about the second one) and I find that I'm always on the "need" side of the equation, and I hate to be. I get frustrated easily. I find myself thinking about what it would be like to have more relaxed days- maybe move somewhere more affordable where the little bit of savings I have can be used to put a down-payment on something, and maybe find a way to work part time and spend some time at home with the kids. It seems impossible in this day and age, and yet I remember days as a child myself, wandering freely after-school, etc, while my own kids (and I'm sure yours as well) have to be in afterschool until after 6pm so that I can be done with work. Weekends are filled to the brim with errands that I can't get done in the week.
Is there a place where life can be a bit simpler and yet "more" at the same time. I guess this is a random post, but I thought I would put it out there.
Parent Replies
I was at my family reunion in St. Cloud, Minnesota, a couple of weeks ago. It is a lovely place. Home prices are amazingly reasonable. Yes, you really could move there, put a down payment on a house, and possibly work part-time. My partner and I ran the numbers, and we could do the same. It's tempting. Really tempting. For us, it's made less tempting by the fact that we're gay and don't really want to move somewhere where that's an issue. Also, our family and community are here. But, for you, maybe it would be better? That's one answer only you can figure out. But I thought I would write, just to answer your basic "is this possible" question.
Some friends of ours with kids moved to Arcata, CA, and others moved to the Coop housing on Bainbridge Island, WA when their kids were young (both couples had 2 kids). Both have been happy with their choices for the last 15 or so years. They not only found the pace of life easier, but our our Arcata friends bought a bigger house next to a forrest and took up several outdoor activities. So I think there are more reasonable pace-of-life options in lovely surroundings in other places. Good luck with your search and decisions.
You are not alone.
Not only have prices gone up in the Bay Area but traffic has never been so bad and it's only going to get worse. Have you seen all of the housing being built? And we aren't building any new freeways. With all of the housing being built many cities are requiring builders to offer low income housing. In the spare seconds you have every week you might want to see what low income programs your city has to offer.
I feel for you, and I only have one kid! I can share my experience, for what it's worth. We did move away from the Bay Area to a lower cost-of-living region. I found a job that matched my California salary (which was low for Oakland, so not that hard to match elsewhere) and have been so happy about how much farther the money goes. I bought a house in a nice, suburban, working class neighborhood, close to the train to my job, and we got very lucky that there's a little girl across the street exactly my daughter's age. Many people still have more money than us, but it doesn't seem to matter so much here. My mortgage and escrow are equal to my last rent payments, and I get so much more space for it. Yes, the money will be easier in many other places, assuming you can keep the same level of salary.
Everything in your second paragraph though is about time. And sadly, no, moving does not, on its own, create more time to spend with your kids, or less stress. I still feel like I'm pulling back a giant slingshot when I get out of bed at 5:30 in the morning to start the day. It's got to shoot me through until 9pm when my daughter is in bed and the kitchen is cleaned up. I, too, dream about working part-time and being home more, but on my more realistic days I know it ain't gonna happen. There is no part-time job that pays enough to cover our expenses. Also, we could debate the pros and cons of homeownership in regards to stress reduction. I love the space. I love that it's mine and I won't lose it. I don't love the water on the floor of my bathroom that's leaking through the roof. I'm stuck between panic over the urgency of finding and fixing the problem, and wanting to stick my head in the sand because I just cannot deal right now.
In your shoes, I might think about how I could leverage my decent salary into more time. My little family HAD to move because we did not have enough money, or possibility of earning enough, to make it work long-term in the Bay Area. If you do, even if it's just enough, I'd probably work on outsourcing things that are filling your time to the brim. Can you use Taskrabbit for errands? Hire someone to function as a housekeeper for the after-school hours to pick up the kids and start dinner? What else can be delivered or jobbed out that would free you up to be the mom you'd like to be?