Late bloomer starting kindergarten
Hi:
My son will be turning five the last week of August and will just make the date cut-off (by one week) to start kindergarten next year. He's a bright kid-- articulate, and curious, but still has such big challenges with emotional regulation. He often breaks down and gives up at the smallest frustration, often with intensive, high-pitched screaming. He struggles to control himself physically, for example, hugging and kissing others too often and too intensely. He has difficulty making friends at preschool and dreads going. Though he does better at preschool, he's been told he's not allowed to hug kids and feels apart there. He's always been hyper-sensitive to stimuli. Loud noises make him freak out and he has to change his pants immediately if he gets even a drop of water on them. I don't think he has Aspergers--he's often very aware of his own emotional state. He could tell us at three that he was struggling because he was jealous of his new baby brother and can tell us that he feels anxious if we talk about Donald Trump. He just often can't control his responses.
We've gone to a child therapist for advice on strategies for helping him and things have gotten better. We're also looking into the "Be Friends" class at Seesaw to help strengthen his social skills. I do think things will get better with age and I'd feel better if he could wait a year to go to kindergarten. The other boys in his same class at preschool seem so much older and he refers to them as the "big boys." He just seems like he needs to wait a year to go. Are other parents considering keeping their young five-year olds out a year? Have others had similar issues and sent their kids to kindergarten anyway, with things working out over the year? I'd appreciate some insight.
Parent Replies
If you have reservations about sending your child to K then you should go with your instinct. I've never hear anyone say the regret waiting another year, but do regret sending when the child is not ready. We waited and school is a joy rather than a struggle.
Please trust your instincts and wait a year! The social - emotional aspect of school is at least as important as the academic. If he starts school having trouble "behaving" and regularly gets in trouble, this can turn into a vicious cycle (low self esteem, anxiety, easy target for bullies, etc.). We are still trying to undo the damage in our middle schooler who learned early to "hate" school. He is still a smart, creative, emotional kid, who probably would have had a very different experience with an extra year to mature. With our youngest, we decided to give him that extra year, and it has made such a huge difference. Now he is seen as a mature, responsible kid who is academically and emotionally advanced for his grade. I feel bad for the youngest kids in his class (and their parents) who continue to have trouble regulating, due only to the fact that they are a year behind! If you need more data, read up on schools in places like Finland, where kids start formal school much later than they do in the US, and end up far ahead.
Hi there,
You mentioned that your son was sensitive to many things, hyper sensitive to loud noises, and needing hugs. The one thing that immediately came to my mind was he might have sensory processing disorder. That was my son and still is st age 13. This can impact a child's relationship with people . I suggest you speak to your health care provider and ask to be referred to an Occupational Therapist. Early intervention is best.
Good luck.