Daughter, 17, needs a coach for nutrition, sleep, & exercise
My 17 year old daughter has been suffering from several physical and emotional challenges for quite a while and I'm convinced that they're significantly impacted by lifestyle factors such as nutrition, sleep and exercise. Unfortunately, my partner is a huge barrier to my attempts to help improve those factors (by buying her junk food, painting me as a nag, etc) and wants her to see a psychiatrist to get on medication. I'm hoping to find some kind of lifestyle coach (or maybe it's a behavioral therapist?) who can help my daughter understand the impact of nutrition, sleep and exercise...and can help her create and stick to a health plan. We're in Berkeley but willing to travel around the Bay Area and/or pay out of pocket. My daughter would not be thrilled about working with someone on Zoom but, if that were the only option, I think she'd give it a try. Also, she would do best with someone warm and encouraging. Humor goes a long way with her, too. Thanks in advance for your recommendations!
Parent Replies
My son had all these issues and more. He didn't graduate but did take the HS equivalency test. My husband and I had different ideas about how to help him. I think we were my son's biggest problem. My husband wanted to nag him about what he was eating and telling him he need to change, exercise and all the rest of it. I tried gentle encouragement, which did some good but not much. What seemed to help my son was we took school out of the equation, and he was much happier. He's now taking classes at the community college. What I did was started including him in my struggles with weight and exercise and addressing it as if we were fighting it together. It was a very slow progression but he is now exercising. I set up a gym in our garage and he meets with a trainer via Zoom three times a week for a half hour. I try not to nag him about what he eats. I let the trainer talk to him about nutrition. He seems to be responding well to this process and exercises on his own sometimes. He was always too self-conscious to go to the gym but now does go with a cousin once in a while. I stopped fighting with him about being up all night and he's now self-regulating. I also suggested and helped him get a job at safeway. He has to get up at 6 a.m. for work so he's figured out staying up all night doesn't work. He pays his car insurance and his cell phone. This has been a long process that started two years ago but I see my son finally growing, learning, and enjoying his life. I was so afraid he was going to be a recluse with no life. We spent so much money in therapy to no avail. Well, possibly it helped a little. But when I finally got my husband to quit nagging him and let me gently push him, things slowly got better. Don't be the food police, just don't bring the junk in the house. No one wants to be policed. They have to feel like they're doing it for themselves. Nagging is the worst way to approach these kids or any kid. I used to tell my husband, every time you nag him, all he hears is he's not good enough. Make it a team effort. I have somewhat of weight problem so it was easy. His dad is skinny and athletic so he was the wrong person to push him. Good luck. I know it's so hard to sit back and watch them go through all of this.