How do you reward kids for helping over and beyond their regular chores?
My 6 year old has lately been helping around the house way over and beyond his regular chores. He is helping watch and entertain his siblings, is really helping with the baby, helps with house chores, etc. I know the baby care is mostly because he really loves his baby brother and does not like to see him cry so he spends a lot of time on the floor with the baby playing with him, reading to him, or talking to him while playing to keep him entertained, which as you can imagine is amazing help. He does a lot of it without being asked and does not ask for anything as a reward. We don't want to start rewarding the help directly and have him start expecting it since I like that he helps out without asking for anything in return just because he wants to help or wants his baby brother to be happy or wants to spend time with me when we clean together (all better reasons than to get reward), but I want to do something to reward him since he has been such amazing help lately. Between us and grandmas he already gets everything he asks for purchased for him (since he really does not ask for much) so there is nothing that he wants and does not already has that we can buy for him. So material goods are likely out. What do you do as a special treat for your early elementary school kids? I'm thinking a special outing, or maybe special daddy day (he spends less time with his dad and would likely find it funner than a special mommy day). Though not sure where to take him that we don't already visit regularly on weekends? I want to do something to celebrate him becoming such a big boy and such a big helper, but don't know what to do. We live in peninsula but getting to SF to East Bay is pretty easy on weekends.
Parent Replies
How wonderful that your son is being such a good big brother and helper at home. I think that his knowing how much you appreciate his help and giving your love and attention to him is what is really important. Studies have shown that giving rewards actually can undermine kids wanting to contribute on their own accord. Special time with a parent is probably the best reward. You said you were on the Peninsula and perhaps you already do these things, but maybe a trip to the Aviation Museum in San Carlos, the Junior Museum in Palo Alto, Rockin' Jump in San Carlos, or even just a special afternoon out for a movie and meal. And of course, lots of hugs and thank you's!
Sounds like you have an amazing child!! Maybe one on one time with just you would be a great reward. Maybe a movie and lunch or dinner with just him and make sure to tell him how much you appreciate all of his hard work. I do that with my son and we enjoy the time together very much - he tells me he feels very special when he has quality time with just me.
He sounds like a wonderful kid! Is your family outdoors-y? Maybe a little overnight camping trip with just you or his dad at a nearby campground (or even in the back yard, if that's an option) could be an extra special outing. Would have to be before it gets too cold, of course.
Or would he enjoy a Bay Area Children's Theater show? Pottery painting at a place like Terra Mia? Or maybe you could create a personalized special activity—like a scavenger/treasure hunt to take him on? I think having a parent all to himself for a while might be the most key part of the treat, and since he seems kinda tuned in to others' needs and feelings, finding something you can enjoy together would make it even better!
All him what he'd like, but at that age he may be happy with your thanks and appreciation. Kid, I really blank that you blank, it helps keep your brother happy.
What a great kid and lucky family! His siblings are lucky to have such a warm, caring role model. An experience with a parent seems to be what you're seeking. Ideas: An outdoor activity, like a park outing or hike. Disney on Ice. If he likes sports, maybe a professional or UC Berkeley sporting event. Bowling and air hockey/arcade with a friend or two. Miniature golfing. A children's theatrical production. Boomers in Livermore. You don't need to link the excursion with a reward for good behavior. I bet if you thank him and tell him how whatever he's done is so helpful to you, his pride and empowerment will be quite valuable. Thanking him in the moment will positively reinforce the behavior. And the one-on-one time is always going to be special to boot.
I find that verbal praise is very effective. both directly thanking him and telling him how much of a help he is and that you couldn't so such-and-such without him and also telling people in conversation that he can hear how helpful he is.
Also remember that this is a stage and enjoy it. There will be times when he may not be so helpful. Be ready to be understanding and kind.