Helping a 5th grader through a move
We recently moved from the east bay to Marin for a number of reasons. My 5th grade boy is having a harder time w/the transition than I thought. He loves his new school and teacher and has never been more interested in school than ever before. However, he terribly misses his old buddies and says they are “his forever friends” and the kids here are nice but are different. He has a few boys he has made friends w/at schools but he’s not interested in having any “play dates” w/them outside of school and does not want to do any of the extracurriculars they do. I don’t want to push him too much but I am very sad for him and want to help him through this transition as best I can. He was quite liked at his old school and our house was the hangout house and now it’s not. He talks to some of his old friends online everyday and that cheers him up but I am not sure if it’s making worse for him. Academically, he’s doing better in school than he has ever done. Any advice? I am worried how this will all go in middle school next year (which fortunately is a small middle w/only his school and 1 other feeding into it). I am all ears! Thanks!
Parent Replies
Moves are hard when you're a kid (or adult). (I've moved countless times.) He's mourning the loss of the closeness he enjoyed. Truthfully, around this age kids do develop new interests and go in different directions as they explore. Even if you lived there he'd be experience a version of this over the next few years. (But probably it won't help if you say that to him, just bear it in mind.)
But rather than curtail his interactions with old friends, I suggest you look into some non-academic activities or programs where he can keep busy and interact with new kids to allow time for bonds to build. Rather than one-on-one playdates, look for activities through the school or outside. Some ideas: Boy Scouts, a swim or baseball or soccer club, band, 4-H (yep, we have 4-H), a martial arts class, parkour. That's just off the top of my head.
There are lots of groups that work with animals : Wildcare, the Humane Society, the Marine Mammal center are just a few. Maybe some of them have children's programs.
I don't know which town you are in but lots of cities have Parks and Recs programs.
And here is a link to the Marin Mommies website: http://www.marinmommies.com/.
My heart goes out to him. Maybe he will keep his old friends forever ... but he could make some new ones he'll keep forever, too!
I don't have any advice for now, but I would expect middle school to help. With two elementary schools feeding into one middle school, it will be natural for relationships and social dynamics to shift. All the kids will be on unsure footing navigating the larger student body, which will level the playing field for him (instead of him being "the new kid" among kids who have been together for 5 years). I went to a small middle school with 3 feeder elementaries, and by high school I had an entirely different circle of friends than I had in elementary school. I think that was true of most kids.