Help for overweight teen picky eater
Our 16 y/o teen son was born with my seemingly genetic slow metabolism, which has made him (like me) gain weight during puberty (which later evened out for me). He is tall and has very large bone structure, really, he could be a football player. The problem is his diet. If we take away the foods he wants to eat (most carbs) there's hardly anything left that he will eat. (I know some of you are saying that's the solution but it's not! He just gets hungry and really really cranky) He was NOT overweight or as picky as a little kid and was 'normal' size up until 5th grade, when puberty started to kick in. He is physically active, social and a great kid, we are just at our wits end trying to figure out how to help him make healthier choices when it comes to eating.
We don't want him in some bad cycle of dieting/weight loss and regain, and at the same time, while he is understanding of his situation and is not happy with the way he looks, he's a teen boy and it's been a slog to get him to make changes. We eat healthy as a family but most evenings he will not eat what the family is eating because he doesn't like it (for example he won't eat most meat, he won't eat most vegetables, he doesn't like alternative grains, etc). We spent way too long trying to accommodate his limited palate (totally our fault) and are now exhausted trying to help, talking to him and worrying about it. I'm sure it's no picnic for him either, pardon the pun.
My questions are: 1/Did you have a teen like this and what was the trajectory? We are hoping as he continues to get taller and the hormones start to stabilize, he will 'even out' or maybe his palate will improve with age and he'll be more tolerant of foods he says he can't stand, and 2/ Do you have a nutritionist or someone similar to recommend who can help with counseling/innovative meal planning so he can find foods he likes and stick to them?
Parent Replies
I don’t have your exact situ but we did cater to a picky child way too long, and created a problem. Ours was a bit younger than yours when we did a hard pivot as a family, taught him about nutrition and health and just endured the pain (which lasted 2 weeks max). Now he eats almost anything …. It can be done. In your case I think hiring a nutritionist for your family is a great idea. Everyone learns. Everyone adjusts. Ignore the anger etc. It will even out IF you educate him while you still can. It’s a gift for his entire life. Oh and a technique that worked for us is - have him cook a meal a week. Simple things he can easily do well like roast chicken. Don’t eliminate pasta, just radically reduce. Rather than make rice, make half rice half quinoa. Make cauliflower gratin vs potato. Add beans to pasta sauce. Etc. Lots of ideas out on the internet.
Put him in charge of making dinner one night per week that must have a protein, a non-potato vegetable and a salad. Like Sunday is his night. If there are other kids, assign each of them a night too. Help him/them look for recipes, or provide some simple suggestion starting points (e.g., say "here are 3 recipes you can choose from, or let me know what else you find"), make sure the ingredients are there and let him take care of it.
I think that if you persist in “talking to him about it” and, for example, take him to a nutritionist, he will have a lifelong unhealthy relationship with food. You have already spoken your mind, and done your job. I would leave it alone and let him figure it out for himself at this point.
People can be healthy and happy at any size; dieting and self-hate are unhealthy. My kids are naturally big; they got a lot out of playing high school sports such as football where size is a plus. Pretty soon, they were running 10 miles as well as lifting weights and playing multiple sports; this carried over to exercise habits after HS. Your kid may listen to his coach about nutrition, or the good example you are setting regarding eating healthily may kick in after he leaves home and there is no teen rebellion component.
My son is an overeater who is also picky. He doesn't like to play sports. I too am somewhat overweight. So I always approach his issue as our issue. I have him help me cook meals and talk to him about what we should be eating. He has been pretty resistant but is beginning to respond. I talk to him about the fact that I too was picky and how I had to learn to eat salads and veggies. He is now trying a bite here and there of veggies. He once cried for 3 hours because I told him he had to take one bite of green beans before he could eat dinner. I workout with a trainer on Zoom and get him to workout with me a couple times a week. It took a while to get him to workout with me but slowly he's been doing it. This process has taken a lot of patience. One thing I have always done is not have any junk food in the house. I don't prohibit him from eating anything he wants but I don't make it available in the house. If we have a gathering or party, I pour out all the soda that's leftover and throw out the desserts, for me as much as him. I try to make healthy things for snacks, like popcorn. I don't believe depravation is the answer for a young person. They have to learn how to eat and that doesn't happen overnight. I've also got him drinking Sodas that have Swerve in them instead of sugar. You can't force someone to change. Be patient, understanding, and include yourself in the problem solving. Main thing is to build them up, not make them feel bad about themselves. That will only make things worse. My husband is skinny and athletic which makes my son feel bad. So if there's one parent who has a weight issue, that's the one who needs to work with the child. The skinny parent makes the child feel judged. Good luck!!
Hello, my child went through a similar trajectory and I have a different take on from the other respondents. We determined that our child's pickiness is a real thing - she has a visceral reaction to a lot of foods' texture and taste. It makes it physically difficult to eat a lot of food (think of your gag reflex). I have two suggestions for you. One, you might try an occupational therapist - they specialize in working through these types of sensory issues and building up the ability to try new foods. We also see a nutritionist based in LA (via Zoom) who we found through a lot of mis-matches. She has been able to work with all of us in a really positive way - she really understood our child's issues but helped us find ways of breaking the impasse with eating that was a game changer for us. She is not taking new clients, but you can contact the practice (Nourished with Kindness): Nourished with Kindness. Just to add that this has been a real journey, and we have been there. Good luck!