Going into labor with no sitter for older child
Hi everyone! I'm looking for some advice on how to deal with my situation as I'm sure there are many who either have been or are in the same boat... Pretty much we don't have someone to watch our 4 year old when I go into labor. I'm due in February. We have no family in the area and we haven't been in the area long enough to make good friends with anyone. To be honest I am a very protective mother and haven't found anyone I would trust with my daughter yet. My husband did have a co worker that we did baby sitting swapping a few times but then they ended up moving away. We live in Castro Valley and there aren't any neighbors that have kids that we've gained friendship with either. My 4 year old goes to school part time, two days a week. If I happen to go into labor on one of those days my husband can take my daughter to school and *if* there is room that day she could stay for extended care hours before and after. Ideally I would like to get an occasional sitter now so that both us and my daughter would be comfortable with them the time comes. I am open to another mom in the area and doing sitter swapping. I'm not opposed to having her come to the hospital with us and being there but with so many unknowns with delivery I would rather not if possible. My brother and sister in law had the same issue a year ago and luckily their delivery was smooth and they kept their three year old with them the whole time while their older kids were at school. Anyway just trying to get some ideas, suggestions, and hopefully some baby sitter suggestion for my area too. Thanks everyone!!
[Moderator note: past advice about this on BPN: Childcare for Siblings during Birth]
Parent Replies
1) Do you know any of the other parents at the preschool? You could ask them for babysitter leads or they may even volunteer to help out themselves. The teachers may also know of reliable neighborhood babysitters. Some teachers at my kids' old preschool also offered babysitting services outside of school hours to supplement income.
2) Your neighbors don't need to have kids to watch your 4 year old for a few hours. I went into labor with my second child in the middle of the night. Our neighbors came over and slept at our house while our older child (who was 2) slept through everything. We had gone over that possibility with both our neighbors and child ahead of time. They fed him breakfast then took him to preschool. Most neighbors would be delighted to help and you've got some time between now and then to work out the details.
Good luck!
Since you're not due until February, It sounds to me like you have enough time to cultivate a good relationship with someone who can help you out. It might be helpful to envision this as a relationship that you will continue after the baby's birth, because you'll be busy and will probably need additional support vis a vis your four year old. If your daughter has friends at preschool and you like some of their parents, you could communicate with them about doing some swaps, etc. to build a relationship. For your delivery, she could leave extended care and go over to their house. I'm also wondering if she's in any music programs, etc. where you really like some of the other parents. Same idea. Finally, you could ask folks for babysitters that they really like and take some time between now and then to get to know them. Something that you can always do with babysitters is have the first few sessions (or how ever many you need to feel comfortable) at your house with you in the house. They play with your child, and you get a sense of how they are. It's also okay to tell a babysitter that you have some concerns/fears about leaving your daughter alone with someone for the first time. You'll learning a lot about them from their reaction to telling them this. If they're understanding and supportive, they will probably be better to work with. If they're not understanding or supportive, they're probably not a good match for you. There are a huge variety of expectations of what kids should be used to by age 4. Hope this is helpful. If you send your daughter over to a school friend's house, it's okay to ask if you can hang out for a while while she gets comfortable. Again, some parents will be completely fine with this. Others, not. Lots to learn from their response. The nice thing about cultivating relationships with the families of school friends is that those relationships can last far into the future if you keep them going. My daughter is 11 and we're still part of an active network of people from her coop preschool. Good luck!