Floating 19 yr old, jr. college
Dear All: My oldest grandson (soon to be 19) is in his 1st semester at a jr. college taking 3 courses--all math based. He flounders. He lives at home with my son, wife & his brother who just turned 15. (Younger brother wins trophies in whatever sport he chooses to play, makes super grades, is artistic, well -liked by 'everyone' PLUS he's about 3" taller than his older brother & already has hairy legs & a deep voice. ) Our 19 yr old plays poker with his friends and/or spends time with his girlfriend- he changes girlfriends every few months. He also smokes marijuana. He didn't get into a 4 year college (failing to send in required registration materials, such as simply forwarding his SAT scores.) Did he really want to go off to college?)
He's musically inclined, likes poetry, philosophy, writes and is quite good in math. He's a caring & loving person whom we enjoy being around--- until he feels the need to go off & play poker at which point he'll cover up what he's really going off to do. (For him, poker-- which I'm told he excels in-- isn't an addiction; it's a game strategy like chess.)
I write because his father/my son requests husband & I talk with this grandson. A couple of nights ago he told his parents that his friends have moved on, but he's on a "a splintered path". My son told him it didn't matter what he chose to do-- mechanic, store employee, etc.--but make it something he really wanted to do. (We all have advanced college degrees, except his mom & heretofore it's been mistakenly assumed this19 yr old was college bound too.)
Sticking with anything has been an issue since he was a toddler. There's enough $ in the family that he doesn't HAVE to work. (As a single mother I had to raise his father differently--so my son needed a job to pay for his 1st car.) Grandson has wrecked 3 cars in 2 years. When he worked this summer,--at local Y-- he quit after 3 weeks. For several summers he's worked part time--- at local club teaching sailing. His dad gives him gas money & a weekly allowance.
I suggested seeing a therapist-- but am told he's against therapy. Maybe because older, half sister--- who has organic mental issues-- was in therapy for years with a charlatan who took the whole family for an expen$ive ride.) Before beginning his senior year he wanted to change schools, from expensive private one to local high school, "to save money" (Dad's business was failing at the time).
Would a life coach help? I have no idea. If you know of one in East Bay area will they work with someone out of town---via Skype? Would they know how to approach someone who doesn't like therapy?
I look forward to receiving insights/suggestions based on your experience---even book titles. Thanks so much for your time.