Adult siblings and parents asking us for money
My husband and I are trying to problem solve an ongoing issue in dealing with our families. It's a prevailing theme for us and we need to see something in a different way in order to address it.
We have three small children and each have our own businesses. We are boot-strapping due to the starting-a-business part of things. We need family help, but both of our families are not helpful; in fact, all four grandparents are very needy (aside from my father having dementia, my mom spends all of her time with my siblings' kids; my father-in-law is off traveling the world and calls only when he feels depressed to let us know or shows up at our door to tell us how mad he is about the 'irritation-du-jour.' My mother-in-law recently sued us because she thought we had her ex-husband's money, which was a nuisance because of the time going to court, etc). Yet, we are called upon to give time to her health problems, to give money (requests are big $), to care for my father with dementia, to watch nieces and nephews (we have not granted requests in over two years) and are expected to give services for free to family members (my husband is a physician). Small things, such as asking my sister to send a piece of mail (envelope) to us from her home in Seattle seems like the equivalent of pulling teeth. Many different moving parts here, but we are stuck inside and need to see the outside.
Is this a suck-it-up-buttercup issue?
Maybe my thought process is an entitled one?
Is this a lack of proper boundaries issue?
We are not able to accommodate everyone in our family and are berated when we cannot grant requests (most recent request occurred three days after closing on our home in MA and my brother asked for $15,000 for our parents. By the we never told him we made any money because we didn't actually make money)!
Besides hiring nannies and au pairs to help (which is no longer an option), and small children in preschools, we can no longer afford to help our families, whether it's time or money. At the same time, my dad's dementia care is $12,000 per month and my mom is running out of money. We have no say in anything (my oldest sister makes all of the decisions and it's my opinion there are better and more affordable options for his care). We are ONLY contacted when someone needs help and/or money but we receive no response requests of "please help, we need some assistance, too!" Any conversation is turned around so that it's our 'fault' (which, I believe it takes two parties to tango); emails, hand-written letters and texts are ignored and rarely do they pick up the phone when I call.
I know there is something missing. Since we are new to the area, we don't talk much to others about this sort of stuff and all of our friends are busy with their own issues. I'm wondering if anyone has had a similar experience.