Euro couples counsellor who can deal with strong intellectual man
I'm from southern Europe, in US 20 yrs, married to an American. Came for work and was to return to Europe within 2 yrs. Met him, and after a few yrs married. He said he was willing to move overseas. I had already lived away from Europe for 10 years before I met him and made it very clear I wanted to return. I'm a v int'l person but at this stage of my life I was and am yearning to return to my continent if not my country. (I lived in 2 countries in Europe growing up, another 5 later)
Then he got a great job offer and I stayed. I stopped working. Gradually my sense of 'I want to return to Europe' has grown to the point where I cry on the plane when we return and am depressed for weeks. This summer we're not going to Europe because of the virus so the kids will not have the language boost they get in the summer camps there.
I've talked with him but feel stonewalled. He is thriving in his job and it's a job for life (academia). He dismisses my feelings or denigrates them by trying to break them down. 'You've been here so long can you even consider yourself European' etc.. I feel guilt at asking him to leave for an uncertain future, so have suggested a sabbatical to start. He said nothing in Europe will compare. Hasn't looked.
I need a foreign-experienced, preferably Euro therapist, who will understand my wanting to go back and my feeling 'cheated'. Therapist needs to be strong and used to dealing with 'strong willed' 'good at demolishing arguments' 'little empathy' men. He's willing to do counselling. He will likely fixate on the counsellors' credentials and use that to dismiss any advice he doesn't like. Maybe better if a man counsellor as he can be sexist. On the other hand he'll dismiss any man who chooses counselling as a profession. My husband isn't a bad person but I am deeply hurt by his ignoring my distress. For not understanding that my request is not unreasonable, and after living 20 yrs reluctantly in his country and his never having lived overseas maybe he could give it a try.. He has occasionally promised to register with a headhunter/tap into alumni network in Europe/call friend in Europe, but hasn't done this. If he had said when we were dating 'I want to stay in America'. I would have ended it.
He works in his home office and comes out for dinner. He's not happy, but he's burying it and it's 'my problem'. I feel like a 50s housewife and do everything in the house/yard/admin. This is adding to my sense of feeling 'used' and 'ignored'. Never shows affection or appreciation. (I do show appreciation for the fact he works hard) I gave up my int'l career when we had kids. Our son is following his lead in disparaging me, daughter more sympathetic. Found a few counsellors but at 300 an hour I can't see us resolving this in a few sessions. I'd like someone more economical who 'gets' the situation. I know I'm asking a lot.