Does biting every time at 11 months mean time to stop (correlation with working?)
Hello all -- I hope you can help. I've been back at work fulltime since my daughter was 5 months, and she's been on a combo of pumped breastmilk, breastfeeding mornings, nights, and more often when we're on vacation or otherwise together all day, formula, and food since 6 months. She loves food and has graduated quickly from purees to self-feeding. She's quite content chomping away on rice, pieces of sausage, fruits, etc. The more chewing the better (she's done with purees). I was intending to continue night and morning breastfeeding, but about a month ago she started aggressively biting me each time. At the beginning of breastfeeding. We tried everything, including stopping for a bit, trying when she's sleepy, taking a bath together, gently reacquainting her with the breast to feed again in a gentle way. No dice. Still chomping (she has 7 teeth now). What to do? Consider it done, and stop pumping entirely? She's 11 months now.
I'm confused because most of the online resources seem aimed at parents who want to wean (not the other way around) and don't consider the situation for fulltime working moms that have been supplementing with bottles and formula for awhile now. Might it just be natural that she's seen so many options, she's over breastfeeding? I don't want to force it. At the same time, I know it's the best nutritionally so maybe we should keep trying (although I'm a bit traumatized by all the biting!). HELP!
Parent Replies
My daughter self-weaned at 7 months, back when the recommendation for breast milk nutritionally was 9 months. As soon as my daughter started crawling, and I was also working full time, she was not interested in being held to be fed. For your daughter, at 11 months and eating well, I would think nutritionally she is fine. Try not offering; she may be ready to quit. If she is ready to self-wean don't hold her back (because then it would be more about you than about her :))
Biting was a phase that my child went through and then came out of. I tend to associate biting with teething, with wanting my attention, and with being kind of stressed out about other things. (Check out the Hand in Hand blog posts about biting and the value of using play and extra attention to help, which I came across at the time and were pretty accurate for my situation.) Oh, and there was kind of a phase where my child was using the biting as a way to get all the way latched on, especially if sleepy and starting to fall off.
On your question about whether this means it's time to wean, I have read that the approach to baby-led weaning is to not offer nursing but not to refuse it either. I'd use whether or not your child is requesting to nurse as an indicator more than biting. But if your instincts are telling you that this is what it means, and if there are other indicators that your little one is done with nursing, you might well be right!
It sounds like you've tried everything. Here's what I did, but it might not help, given all the strategies you've tried. If the teeth contact seemed accidental, I would lightly say "careful with your teeth" and tap near where it was happening (e.g., on the jaw just below the bottom lip). If it was a clear bite, I would stop the nursing, at least for a second or two and say "I can't let you bite me." If it was accidental (e.g., the latch situation), that was enough to re-set their approach. Sometimes it was clear that my child was testing or being mischievous or looking to interact, so I'd end the nursing and snuggle up and say something friendly like "you know 'no biting,' silly! are you done nursing for now? here's a book we can read."
Biting IS a bit traumatizing, I agree! To deal with the mental piece, I reflected on how much my child had to trust me to keep them from getting hurt, and how once in a while I bumped their arm on a door frame or something, so I put this in "accidents happen but we keep trusting each other anyway" category. Children don't have true self control until something like age three, so it makes sense that this action that gets such a reaction from us would be hard to resist. But yes, I feel your pain! I found that the Motherlove salve that I used during early infancy helped speed healing and make the pain go away more quickly.
Thank you so much all!!! Really appreciate the sympathy and support. We're definitely done, then. I did a few more pumps and put the breastmilk into baby popsicles, recommended by my lactation consultant: so she can get some breastmilk and teething help for a few more months. She's voracious about food and we'll move to cow's milk soon anyways. Yay we did it!! Thank you!! Your advice and support are so valuable. Onwards...
Biting during breastfeeding can be an important boundary setter for parents and children. Children should not bite their mother, they should not make loud and aggressive scenes in public, they should not slam doors in frustration, etc. When these things happen, parents can help their children and calm their families by explaining and enforcing rules. Allowing these behaviors to continue will lead to problems down the line. Whatever you do, do not let your daughter bite.