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Does anyone have an attorney recommendation or co parenting advice as I try to navigate a divorce with an ex spouse who is narcissistic and emotionally abusive? Thank you!
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Sorry about your situation; I went through something similar and can make a few suggestions --
I discovered a good lawyer who can litigate if necessary was especially important when dealing with such a difficult person-- initially i wanted to try collaborative divorce or mediation, but eventually I realized that was not sufficient protection for my own interests. Mediators are not supposed to take sides, but if you don't have a strong advocate to help you in negotiating a fair outcome, the dynamic which prevailed in the marriage (just guessing here, but often the interests and preferences of the narcissistic spouse end up prioritized and those of the accommodating spouse are ignored) may continue even after the marriage ends. What you want is a good lawyer who knows how to avoid expensive litigation but can go there if needed. I highly recommend Donna Gibbs (https://www.bgdfamilylaw.com/donna-gibbs). You don't want to make any decisions lightly just to get through this quickly-- make sure you are making decisions with good advice in order to ensure best long term outcome for yourself and your kids and that you receive what you are entitled to. After being in a relationship like that for awhile, it may have become easy to discount your own needs without even noticing.
I found some of the information at this site helpful--https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
(especially about how to communicate with my ex )
Finally once the dust settles, I highly encourage some personal therapy to help understand how you came to choose such a partner-- this helped me a lot. Though I will note I also learned and grew lot through reading books, talking to friends, journaling, etc-- now I am in a much better place, able to coparent relatively peacefully (with really clear boundaries), and SO glad i got out of that marriage.
all the best to you-- this is really hard, but just keep moving steadily forward and it will get better.