Desperately In Need of Recommendations for Therapist

Hi, 

I grew up with one highly narcissistic and controlling parent and another emotionally distant one. As a result I developed low self-esteem, perfectionism and some codependency traits. During adolescent and early adult years, I coped with these issues  by being highly successful in academics and career but couldn't continue and for the last several years I ruined my career. Lately, I've been more aware that I am so eager to help others but act in a way that I don't matter and can't figure out what I want from life and don't know how to have the discipline to pursue whatever I want. I was seeing a therapist who helped me with some of these issues but got stuck at some point and stopped therapy last year. I would like to start again with a new therapist who is more knowledgeable on these issues stemming from childhood and also would help me to find the courage to start over again. I will appreciate any recommendations if you know a really good therapist in Berkeley or surrounding areas (SF included) that you can recommend. 

Thank you,

Still hopeful 

Parent Replies

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You might try Lisa Lancaster--she is in Berkeley and she helped me with issues very similar to the ones you describe.  I too had one very narcissistic parent and one distant and neglectful one and it has followed me my entire life..Dr. Lancaster helped me to understand the depth and the nature of the damage so I was able to free myself a bit and make better choices.  She is also warm.  Good luck!

Kathy Grayson has helped me with issues stemming from a dysfunctional family/childhood trauma. She is located on Alcatraz and College: https://kathygraysonmft.com/

Julia Wallace in SF is spectacular. Really helped me and others I know. Not cheap but worth the money. 

In addition to a therapist, you could try one of the local CoDA groups:

http://locator.coda.org

I will second the rec for Lisa Lancaster, who has been helpful for me with similar-sounding concerns. She has been a strong source of support and transformation in my life, and is an excellent and experienced therapist. Her phone is (510) 841-2525 and her office is in Berkeley b/t Elmwood and Rockridge.

All the best to you!

My therapist specializes in working with these issues: Kristin Hirt in Oakland/ Lakeshore; (510) 872-2336.  She's great - very experienced and well-versed in helping me better understand how early family dynamics have affected me.  She also offers practical suggestions and coping strategies. Easy to feel comfortable with her.  

Dr. Melissa Holub on Shattuck at Ashby is really fantastic. She's smart, intuitive, and she also knows how to push back. I also had a narcissist parent, and Dr. Holub is the first therapist after many years of therapy whom I've found has supported me as I worked through the deeper impacts it's left. Good luck. You're making important progress even now.

She's at: 510-848-7600 http://www.drmelissaholub.com/

I can highly recommend Les Farber, Phd on Piedmont Avenue (‭(510) 655-9322‬}.  He is insightful, good at navigating childhood damage and finding ways to both come to terms with it and to manage it in adulthood.  He is kind as well.

I highly recommend Family Matters of Marin.  Anneli Richards is located in San Rafael, https://www.familymattersofmarin.com/  I have been in therapy most of my adult life, but working with Anneli has given me hope and tools for actual healing from the traumas I experienced when I was very young.  Wishing you all the best.