Concerns about 12 yo son’s social skills
My son is 12 (will be 13 in January) He is on most counts doing extremely well. He gets mostly As, and his teachers through out the years have been very positive about him. He’s athletic and has competed and won medals and his team has won a championship. He helps around the house and can be extremely sweet and kind. What wakes me up at night is that he has no friends that he texts with or hangs out with. At first I thought this was just my own anxiety from when I was his age and was bullied pretty intensely. But last night at the dinner table he said that kids tell him, who are on his team, that he “sucks” and is a “freak” who has no friends. WIth a pit in my stomach I asked him how that felt. He said it hurt a little bit but he just told those kids that at least he’s a starter on the team (they’re not). He just said they’re jerks but that apparently a lot of kids tell him this. He said that he even asked one of his friends if he’s his friend and the kid shrugged and said “I guess”. He told me that kids think he’s “Crazy” but he likes it. It doesn’t bother him.
I’ve thought before that maybe this is ok in a way. That it could be worse, he could hang out with bad kids. And that the time he would of spent with friends he instead focuses on his passions of sports and reading. But now that I’ve heard this I wonder if he is ok. He’s been bullied in the past and has hidden it although then he was very angry. He’s not as angry any longer (sometimes he has outbursts). He’s always been “spirited” I.e. intensely smart but also inflexible and extremely active. When I see him with kids he’s kind of a “spazz” in their face, very physical and intense. I can see how he turns kids off. Do I talk to him? Should I check with his coach or teachers (which I’ve done before but they never saw a problem?) do I just stand back and observe and not intervene? Maybe this isn’this Issue but my childhood scars?
Any words of wisdom from other parents who’ve been through this appreciated. It’d be nice to get some sleep. :)