Back in the (college) saddle
Our son is 20, and just completed two years at a school in Boston. On paper, he did fairly well, perhaps 3.3. But behind the scenes, and unbeknownst to us, he was a mess.
He found himself as literally the only guy who thought the election wasn’t stolen on his (jock) dorm floor; lacked confidence in his path and major; found an abusive group of young women to glom onto; was isolated like all of us by covid; got behind on school etc.; started abusing alcohol, (As an example of the “amazing” friend group: when he tried to take a break from drinking, the lead Mean Girl would shame him in front of 20 people, calling him terrible things).
All of this led to him feeling terrible about himself. He became withdrawn, depressed and anxiety-filled. He went from one of the more enthusiastic contributors—his Freshman teacher said his essay was literally the best student paper he had ever received—to sitting silently in class.
We got an urgent call from his therapist. He said he thought our son was seriously at risk. We flew him home from Boston, that day. That was six months ago.
I have since read of, and spoken with many parents who are experiencing similar things with their children. It seems to be that the pandemic behind the pandemic has been mental health.
But we are all trying to move forward. S has been in both group and individual therapy, and is also going to AA meetings. My wife and I are also working with a family therapist, to do better on our side of the fence, in terms of supporting him. S is now better, not great, but better.
However, he’s also beginning to feel like he wants to get back to school. I’m not excited about this, as he is objectively not ready. That said, his therapist says, S wants to work towards a goal, and if he gets in somewhere, he’d still have months, perhaps as long as one year, to continue his self-care.
So I want to support the parallel efforts.
I have long been an admirer of this amazing BPN community. The one slight issue I have is, I can’t always seem to find the right threads among this Library of Congress-esque riches.
There are many many threads about College Advisors for kids in high school, most of whom seem to be driven.
What about advisors for lost transfer students— kids who no longer have the college counselor available at high school (and are not attending JC)?
Does anyone have any experience with a consultant who helped their overwhelmed kid winnow down their interests, leading to a major, and this, the best school fit?
I’ve been looking into the Meyers-Briggs and Strong Interest career tests. Those seem great, but I’d rather S work with someone who can lead him through it.
These might be two initiatives: an MB consultant, followed up by a college advisor.
Any advice would be so welcome. We lived in Berkeley for many years. I so appreciate the people in this forum.