Advice on money matters with our almost 22 yr old college grad
This may not be a "failure to launch" but I am the parent of an almost 22 yr old daughter who recently graduated college with a major in Political Science at a private University. She also has ADD, anxiety and dysthymia (mild low levels of depression) and suffers from low self esteem. She has a therapist and Psychiatrist and is generally doing well on low dose meds. I am paying mostly out of pocket for her to get Cognitive behavior therapy while she is home for the summer.
Both her dad and I are scientists, are well established, and I'd be lying if I said anything other that we are doing extremely well financially. I have tried my best to teach my children the value of money and not just throw money at them like it has no value. We funded her college education 100%. She is leaving college debt free.
My daughter was a confused high schooler and did not know what she wanted to do. She was good at math (tested aptitudes as well as in classes), and after doing an internship in high school, we suggested to her that she major in Computer science. She agreed and that was our biggest mistake. She did not cope well with some of the classes although she did manage others including a passing grade in an Electrical engineering class. By the end of her sophomore year, she was on academic probation; we encouraged her to switch majors and she ended up doing so. She graduated in 4 yrs despite all this. She now tells us she wants to become a writer; we told her she could do whatever she wanted, but she had to support herself somehow. So she signed up for a year of Post grad service where she is given housing, a stipend ($600/month). She supposedly wants to take classes and network and we are standing by.
Our fear is that she will never "fly the coup". If it were not for me, she would have wasted this summer doing nothing but I insisted that she at the very least find a part time job which she did. When she moves away from home again, we are giving her the car she used as a college senior, and paying insurance. My big question is this:
She is suggesting that we help her with payments for a few of her needs (personal) while has a bank balance of ~11K (past summer internships and jobs). She knows that we can continue to support her but the better part of me feels like it is time to "cut the cord". I am torn about this stance knowing her problems. But my other fear is that our generosity is not going to propel her forward and keep her motivated to become independent. Is that the right thing to do?
We have told her that if she decides to do a masters, we would help her (she knows that her 529 account has a substantial balance but we are not giving her the option of taking that money out for herself, at least not for the foreseeable future).
Our younger child, a son is very secure, confident, doing well and has a head on his shoulders. Part of the issue is that she compares herself to him and I can't say that inadvertently and subconsciously, we have too.
Please only advice, no judgements. I am wrought with guilt already so don't need anyone's harsh words.