3.5 year old having tough time adjusting from half day to full day preschool
My 3.5 year old son used to love preschool and was having a good time when he was attending for half a day, typically around 3.5 hours. He has been going to preschool for 1.5 years and we were glad that he didn't have any problem with school. We sent him full day for a couple of months around 6 months ago and he had tough time for a couple of weeks and then he was fine.
Few weeks ago, we started sending him full day as both of us are working and no one will be at home to take care of him. He's been crying at drop off and has been crying on and off at school through out the day. He doesn't eat anything at school and doesn't engage much in the activities. He's been miserable at home as well and cries when we speak about his school. It seems he doesn't like the school at all now. He's been very clingy at home and doesn't like to play.
He's very attached to me (dad), but he doesn't have any separation anxiety normally. It seems he's asking for me the whole day now and he's in tears when I drop off/ pick him up. I discussed with his teachers and they have tried a couple of approaches. They've been very caring & nurturing initially. Later on, they have been a little stern with him and encouraging him to participate in activities. But, nothing seems to work.
He used to be a very happy kid, so to see him like this is painful. We are thinking of waiting for a couple of weeks more and then switch to half day or a new school. Any suggestions are appreciated. Thanks.
Parent Replies
First of all, solidarity, it is SO hard to see your little person in distress. Also, with my now 4.5 yo twins we have gone through many ups and downs in their excitement about going to school (or lack thereof) so my first thought is a wait-and-see approach is probably best before making any drastic moves. We have gone through many such of these periods (although in our case we have moved preschool a few times due to house moves) and they have more or less always passed. My other thoughts are:
1) how are YOU handling these transitions/talking to him about school? Are you feeling confident that this is a good school and that he will be happy there and are you sure you're communicating that to him? Are you feeling confident about your need/desire to be at work full time (or if this is a more recent change for one or both of you you may still be adjusting yourselves) and do you think this might be being communicated to him somehow?
2) Read some books like Llama Llama misses Mama and Timothy Goes to School to talk about adjustments to school and making friends (sorry, both are a litlte mom-centric but still useful)
3) make sure you feel happy with how the school is handling it and supporting him. I can't tell from your message if you do feel 100% on board with how they've dealt with it but if not make sure to figure out how to make sure they keep supporting your little guy, giving him some space for his feelings but also (and without a LOT of delay) moving him on from them in ways that aren't too much 'telling off'
4) I would go to earlier pick ups rather than back to part-time if I were you (and I needed to work). 3.5 seems old enough to be able to handle a full day if the emotional stuff can be dealt with but the difference between a 4pm pick up and a 5:30 or 6pm one can be huge in terms of how much time you'll have to connect at home after
Hope any of the above help, good luck! But I would definitely make sure you give it a fair amount of time before making a drastic change
The biggest mistake that I think that I've made as a parent is putting my son in full-time childcare and then after-school care until 6:00 at night. It was just too much for him and it caused all kinds of problems. While I thought that he was doing okay, he wasn't and he was under stress all the time. We'd pick him up at 6:00, start dinner, and then finally start his homework. Every night was a nightmare. His second grade teacher highly recommended that we stop sending him to the after-school program at school and instead figure out something less stressful for him to do. She thought that he should be allowed to come home after school, have a snack, play for a little while, and then do his homework and reading with the goal of being done before dinner. It has made a world of difference. Our son is happier, more confident, having less social issues, and we're no longer having the very unpleasant homework battle after dinner. This has required spending more money on a nanny for some days and changing our work schedules for other days. We have less disposable income but a much happier child who is doing better in school.
I was adamant that both of us needed to be able to work full-time and that the after-school program was fine but I was wrong. Hindsight is 20/20 but I really wish that we had figured this out before kindergarten. In my opinion, you should consider whether your child is like ours and just can't handle that much stimulation for that long of a period. If you can figure out a way to shorten his days you might have a much happier child.
I am sorry your son is struggling with school. Is he potty trained and is he willing to use the bathrooms at school for everything? If not this might be the problem. Some kids do not want to go at school and wait until the get home. This obviously makes it very uncomfortable 1/2 day versus full day. If he is “withholding” and avoiding going number 2 this would make him uncomfortable when he eats and it made my son very whiny and generally miserable. We solved the problem with changes to his diet and daily doses of miralax. It did take a little while but then things were much better. Best of luck.
Oh man this set off warning bells for me. I had my kid in a daycare in Alameda. My child was crying every day going in, due to some other reasons I decided to interview at some other pre-schools and noticed that my child wasn't upset at all. Moreover he told me that the teacher would turn into an angry bird sometimes. I moved on and withdrew my child and found a new daycare. Later other parents came to me to ask if my child had been hit after coming in to see the teacher striking their children.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. We are currently going through something similar with our child, who enjoyed school last year but this year was miserable every morning and never wanted to go to school. We ended up deciding to find a new school, since we concluded that his needs just weren't being met where he was (in short, he was bored out of his mind). It's hard to say what's going on without knowing your particular child, your school, and the dynamic between the two, but since your son seemed to be okay with the school for half of the day, it sounds like the problem may be whatever's going on the rest of the day. Could it be naptime? I know with our kid, he was old enough to be done with naps, but was still required to "rest" for 90 minutes every afternoon at school, which only made him more stir-crazy. Have there been any other changes at the school recently? A new director? A good friend who left? Many things can make a big difference in a child's experience, which can lead to sometimes drastic behavior changes. You may also want to see your pediatrician to be sure there's nothing physical going on with him that's affecting his behavior. And of course, you do have the added (significant) wrinkle of both parents working full-time now, which is a big change for a little guy.
In short, it may be premature to pull him out of the school, but you should talk to them about exactly what's going on all day, and maybe start exploring other options if you don't like what you hear. Best of luck!
This is the age where afternoon naps are often going away/transitioning. It can be a difficult period, because they are tired and need to sleep but can't sleep and they are all messed up. It could be as simple as a disrupted sleep schedule. Now that he's in full day, how much is he napping and sleeping at night? He may need to go to bed a little earlier at night. Full day preschool can be exhausting! My daughter was jet lagged recently and consistently waking up too early in the morning, and was this sleep deprived, and her emotions were just out of control. Good luck!