15 year old using marijuana - success with treatment?
Hi - my 15 year old son is smoking marijuana regularly. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with it, has lied to me about it and thinks he knows more than anyone else about the benefits and liabilities. He is very bright, can talk circles around me about it, but his grades are poor. Our funds are limited and we have Kaiser insurance. His father and I are separating and are not on the same page about how to handle this – he thinks its okay for our son to smoke as long as he gets his grades up. I disagree. Have you or someone you know had success with any treatments that hopefully don't involve massive expenses? Please - I only want to hear about successes. I don't want your advice about how I should take everything away from him and keep him away from friends – unless it worked for a teenager that you know. I have read the advice on BPN on the subject. If you know of a Kaiser therapist or counselor who has been helpful, please post or send me their name. Thank you for any help.
Parent Replies
I guess no success stories?
Just to echo your follow up question - I got nothin' except to say that for our daughter, getting her proper psychiatric care and treatment has been key. She still smokes pot, for sure, but at least she has improved greatly. I also suggest reading "Unbroken Brain" by Maia Szalavitz. It's a fascinating up to date look at what works and what doesn't from someone who went from being a heroin addict to a PhD in Psychology. Spoiler alert: recent research shows that there is ALWAYS an underlying mental illness that's not being addressed properly in addictive behaviors. Read it. It really opened my eyes. Also, rehab was a failure for us - waste of time and money. Sorry - like I said, no real "success" here, just some improvements.
Here is a (sort of) success story: the mother started talking with the son. She used every language she knew: reason, love, anger, threat, combination of some or all, etc. and never gave up on talking, discussing, lecturing, questioning, and voicing her concerns and fears to her son. The father supported the mother's point of view, and the parents encouraged the sibling to take their side, too. The parents also started painting in details, along with income figures and life amenities, different scenarios of his future with and without weed, and took him to visit different college campuses. After some long months, eventually at some point it seemed that the son realized the importance of the matter to the mother, or maybe just acknowledged her level of caring for him since she had promised to do anything that would help him, or maybe he just wanted to avoid her emotional outbursts. For whatever reason, after months of continuous resisting, the son quit smoking marijuana. But that of course was temporary. He quit smoking heavily and continued smoking once or twice a week, got good grades and has been admitted to a good college and is now graduating. He has continued smoking marijuana on the side but not to his impediment. He does not smoke when he comes home and plans to quit it when he has a family of his own.
The moral of the story is: do not give up. Continue patiently with your mothering role and continue encouraging him by all the means available to you and in any language you know of. It is not easy, but hang in there. Your love and support and lecturing him, i.e., your persistence, will eventually go a long way!
Been-There Mom
Thank you both for the great support and stories!