13 girl entering HS with poor decision making skills
Has anyone had success with local providers to help their teen's decision-making skills? My 13-year-old daughter gets paralyzed by decisions. Deciding what to wear in the morning is a nightmare. Deciding what to eat is a nightmare. We've tried giving her many choices, few choices and no choice, but haven't found what works. She's also a bit defiant and a perfectionist which makes this much harder. She has been diagnosed with ADHD, attentive type and was taking concerta for a while and stopped in 8th grade. I'm dreading hs mornings and evenings and want to try to get her help ASAP. She doesn't seem like an anxious person but this is probably caused by anxiety.
Aug 1, 2016
Parent Replies
My son struggles with those kinds of decisions when he is overtired. See if focusing on increasing the amount of sleep she's getting could help. I do think it's anxiety, but it's made worse by lack of sleep. Perhaps taking an anti-anxiety medication (mild) at bedtime could help her get to sleep earlier and lengthen her nighttime sleeping? Or exercising during the day so she gets more physically tired. It also helped my son when I pointed out "you're having a hard time with this because you're tired." That actually made him relax a little.
Hi, fellow mom of a girl w ADHD. As far as the "easy" ones (what to wear), I'd let it go. If there are consequences to be had, she'll get them (late to class cuz she couldn't decide, wears something "ridiculous " or inappropriate and gets teased, etc.). As far as the more consequential ones (classes, whether she gets drawn into drugs/alcohol), I found that peer pressure did an awful lot. I never stopped letting her know what my preferences were and why, but yours is likely in that period where parents do NOT matter but friends do). Count your lucky stars if she ends up (chooses) a healthy group.
Offer up up whatever counseling, meds she might have available to her, realize and accept that kids w ADHD mature more slowly than non-ADHD, be persistent in your own messaging and encouragement, accept that it's much less up to you now and strongly support the good choices she makes, let her make some mistakes...My blessings to you both.