21 year old possible alcoholic
Our 21-year-old son seems to have a drinking problem. He lives with us so we are seeing the hangovers and finding the empty containers. He was out all night last night, location unknown, phone going straight to voicemail, but we did finally track him down around 9:30 this morning. We had a conversation where he acknowledged that he may be an alcoholic then went to sleep it off. So we're looking for resources--young adult AA? Thunder Road, which is mentioned many times on BPN seems to have been swallowed up by BACS and there is no helpful information on their website (I did just leave a voicemail seeking info). What else is out there for us? We are in Berkeley so looking for resources in that area. We are not Kaiser members. Thank you!
Dec 12, 2022
Parent Replies
I'm sorry you are on this difficult path with your son. It's one I have been on with my son.
You're already familiar with AA, that's great. SMART Recovery also has local, in-person, meetings that are an evidence-based approach to alcoholism and substance use.
I highly recommend you and your partner consider attending a family program. Al-Anon (particularly a parent group) would give you a common baseline if your son attends AA. More compassionate, evidence-based family support is available through The Invitation to Change (ITC) and Allies in Recovery. These last two will provide you with understanding and skills to talk with your son more effectively about his use and motivate him toward recovery. I wish I would have found them years ago.
First, I’m so sorry about this challenge, and I think it’s very good that you were able to identify worrisome behaviors and bring them up with your adult child.
I work in addiction medicine, and I know there’s a lot of conflicting information out there about how to best help him with this disease.
My advice to you would be to first find support for you and your coparent, and any siblings in the home — AlAnon can be a fantastic resource. Addiction medicine has moved far beyond the “tough love” approach to helping loved ones but as a family member who wants to help you need to start from an informed and emotionally strong place. It’s a marathon, not a sprint…
And lastly, a saying that my patients have taught me: for a person with addiction, the substance use isn’t the problem — the substance use is the solution to a problem.
Best wishes to you,
Ava