Baby is crying the whole time nanny is here
Our 6 month old is having trouble adjusting to our new-ish nanny. Our nanny has been with us for 3 months and the first few weeks went smoothly. Baby would cry for the first few minutes of being alone with the nanny, but then calm down. Around 2 months ago, something shifted. Now Baby cries for almost the entire time they're with the nanny. Our goal is to have Baby spend 1-2 hours with the nanny in the afternoons on weekdays without a parent present.
I've tried spending lots of time with baby and nanny with all of us together, going away for very short stints within ear shot, leaving the area for 5-10 minutes at a time, having a simple mantra like "mommy and daddy always come back". Baby continues to sob with our nanny while I'm gone and stops the moment I pick them back up. Any tips for what to do here? We like our nanny and she's great with our older kids, but we'd love to figure out how to have her spend calmer time with our baby. Any thoughts or suggestions welcome. Thank you!
Parent Replies
I think you need to leave the house entirely or be gone longer than 1-2 hours. 1-2 hours with frequent check ins means the baby knows you will come back quickly if they cry and have learned you are going to check in frequently. Developmentally it makes sense - they have more of a sense of object permanence and know you are " somewhere" and that crying out brings you to them. They are also more in tune with schedules and right now the schedule is 1-2 hours of crying with parent checking in a lot. They will adjust to a new rhythm if you give them the chance. It's similar to when kiddos start daycare. They will cry for a bit but they will adjust!
Hi there, maybe the shift you mentioned occurred because your baby may have gotten more aware that you were gone, and now Baby has learned that crying makes mommy and daddy come back. I think Baby may need more consistency and space to adjust to being with the nanny, without Mom or Dad in the house... I would suggest that you leave the house for the two hours if possible, every day. I realize that may not be possible. Perhaps you could show Baby you're leaving the house and then sneak back in and "hide" from Baby and nanny. Or send Baby and nanny out of the house for their time together. Regardless, I think consistency is key and NOT intervening if baby is crying. 1-2 hours is a really short amount of time for Baby to get used to being with a caregiver, and if a parent is around it is going to be a lot harder for everyone. Hopefully once Baby is more used to being cared for by the nanny (and has learned that crying no longer summons Mommy & Daddy), you don't have to clear out, but it might take some time for Baby to learn. From my experience as a nanny and babysitter, it is very difficult to care for a baby (or toddler) when a parent is around. Many babies will be happy playing with the nanny, but then as soon as a parent walks by they want to be with the parent, so it is tricky. When my own baby was getting settled into daycare at 5 months, it took a few weeks for the crying to completely stop. The first few days, she would cry on and off for hours. But she learned that she was safe and lovingly cared for at daycare, and before long she was very happy to go there. So I think that for the nanny situation to work, you may need to accept that some crying will be part of the process, and give Baby and nanny the space to work through it. Good luck!