14 year old boy with anger issues and hates school
I am seeking support for my 14 year old son who absolutely hates school. He complains daily and is incredibly negative about anything school related. He is not interested in other activities. He loves nature and the outdoors and spends most of his summers backpacking but school is a challenge. He also has diagnized LD and has sought therapy on and off with no avail. He also tends to get into a negative spiral quickly and can have some emotional dysregulation. I am pretty desperate to get him the right help. ANy advice would be appreciated.
Jan 21, 2020
Parent Replies
It's great that your son loves nature and the outdoors. Maybe there's a way to do more of that with you. My son was similar, but in high school. We did a neuropsych evaluation that found some ADD and moderate depression. Anti-depressant helped with depression and social anxiety. He had problems connecting with others due to the ADD, which made him hate school. Long term therapy helped the most. If you have a therapist you like and trust, who is very experienced (like 10+ years), and who specializes in children or adolescents, then I would help him enter therapy again, and see how it goes, it probably isn't for everyone. (Our kid was older and saw a therapist who mostly saw adults.) It was frustrating trying to do school with ADD. Also our friend who hated school ended up going to Holden High in Orinda, which includes kids with LD, and he liked it. Good luck to your son and you.
I don't know if this program would be accessible to you as it's part of Tam Unified High School District in Marin, but it sounds great for someone who isn't that jazzed about traditional school and loves the great outdoors. It's called TEAM and it's a one-year outdoor backpacking-based independent study program for high-school juniors. It's free since it's part of public school, but I'm not sure if it's open to those outside the district. Anyway, worth checking out as we know several kids who did the program and it was life-changing. https://www.tamdistrict.org/theteamprogram
I agree w prior poster - depression is probably there - frustration around not succeeding. I cant advise on how to make him like school but I can make 2 solid suggestions - 1. act now, because the older they get, the more resistant they get. 2. consider joining Scouts - they have some excellent troops (do your research) nearby. It's super wilderness focused and you can go on some of the (many) weekend adventures. It will build his confidence and bring you closer. Best of luck
In exploring all options, you might consider an outdoor focused boarding school with supportive services for LD. Note: not a therapeutic boarding school for kids with deeper problems who may have substance use or self-harming behaviors. The Dunn School is one in California. You might consider working with an educational consultant (see past posts for recommendations) to assist with assessing what's behind your son's distress around school, support with exploring options, and assistance with admissions should you choose to consider a path other than the local public school.