Divorced for 3 years, missing something ...
Divorced 3 years, stable financially and emotionally after a very challenging time. Great children, friends, nice house, good job... but... something is missing, there is an emptiness, like blanks... Reading, cleaning the house, shopping, all helps but at the end of the day the void is still there. I am thinking taking a class, maybe some kind of dance, but maybe what I am missing is something more spiritual. Is being un-coupled the issue? What is your experience, what did you find?
Aug 13, 2019
Parent Replies
There is evidence that happiness dips in middle age and then improves as you move into your 50s and 60s. The theory is called the u shaped happiness. There is a book on it which is worth reading as it may be what you are going through.
Whether you're coupled or not, you need to have a social life. If you don't have many friend or friends who are single like you, look into something called Meet Up. It's NOT a dating service. It's a way to meet people in your area. They plan trips, card games, and a whole variety of activities. You can opt in or out of any activity. My sister did this when she got divorced and found a group of women to hang out with.
Good luck
It sounds as if you may have depression. I urge you to see a psychiatrist and/or psychologist.
Hello "Missing Something": yes, life is empty when I feel that whatever, whomever, outside of me is the key to my happiness. The whatever includes money, power, possessions, how I look, how my kids do in school/at their jobs (& how they look), health, etc. etc. "Whomever" would be making my partner, friends, etc. responsible for making me happy. YET, there is a certain level of basic needs to meet, and, of course, having healthy, open-hearted friends is crucial (ditto for having a partner). Of all the influences in my life, it's the allowing of natural awareness and compassion to arise, i.e. my inner 'ripening' , that is life-giving. Being part of the spiritual community I belong to and having a spiritual practice, plus wise teachings (in books and from my personal teacher) these are facets of the precious jewel I've been given. --- Please don't settle just for having a partner. You have a rich spiritual energy within; it is knocking on the door.
I'm 7 years post divorce (9 years post separation) and still don't quite feel on an even keel. So I don't have any great pearls of wisdom on that front, but if you are looking for a dance class, American Tribal Style Belly Dance is awesome. There's a class on Wednesday nights at Rhythmix Cultural Works in Alameda (https://www.rhythmix.org/classes/american-tribal-style-belly-dance/). ATS is a group improvisational form, so as you advance, you dance in small groups where the leader of the moment cues what move comes next to the other dancers. It's very fun and challenging, If you sing, my choir, Anything Goes Chorus (https://www.ellenrobinson.com/anything-goes-chorus/), starts back up after labor day
Maybe exercise. Also, everyone needs challenges. Or maybe volunteer with an organization whose goal means something to you. Or, find someone new to fall in love with.
Dear recently divorced - i can relate to your sense of “missing something.” I miss running decisions by someone, having a sounding board, and physical intimacy. It’s not the same of course but singing in group is a wonderful way to relate to others. Music reaches emotional depths that I don’t experience in reading books. Have developed good friends from within the chorus as well. Good luck.