Teens Out Walking Alone

Have you considered N Berkeley Bart neighborhood? 

All young women should take self-defense training. Talk with daughters about different harassment scenarios and how to handle them. Normalize so they can be aware & know how to recognize but also not be scared. Share your own experiences. Empower those young women. 

We live in West Berkeley near BART. The plus for your daughters is independence if you live near transit. We did give rides after nine or so at night. What my daughter learned was some bus stops are better places to wait than others. She did face some problems but more at the central library and near BHS than in the neighborhood. In my experience parties are much more difficult to negotiate than anything else most teens encounter. 

In a way the decision is about what risks are worth it to you. Being able to get around on your own is an invaluable skill, and makes it possible to go to college anywhere. 

We're closer to Dwight than you are looking, but I've never felt unsafe walking home from North Berkeley BART at night. 

When we were house shopping in 2016, we did consider the existing character of the neighborhood and how much we would be contributing to displacement by moving in as a pair of white professionals. I think that is worth taking into account. 

That said, ...

Ensuring that your house is secure isn't rocket science. That doesn't have to mean living in a fortress, but you want windows that lock properly, etc. Don't advertise your pricey electronics. When my kid got a PS5, I definitely reverted to my NYC-living ways and kept the box inside until the morning of recycling pickup. 

The kind of predatory, random attack that you're probably more worried about can happen anywhere, and has definitely happened in the hills recently, so it is good to have some general street smarts, wherever you live.

I suggest some basic ground rules, like calling from BART after dark (like, within view of the station agent) and not being embarrassed to ask for help if you feel scared. Trust your gut. 

• Don't wear headphones after dark, pay attention to your surroundings. 
• Nothing in your bag is worth dying for. Your shoes are not worth dying for. 
• For years I carried "mugger money" -- a ten or twenty wrapped around a few ones that I could hand over to avoid having to give up my wallet. 
• If you're not sober, you're not in full possession of your faculties and it's even more important to make sure you're safe. 

I opened the door last week to a teen who did not know me and knocked on my door because she was lost and scared and her phone was dead and she thought someone was following her. She did the right thing. She could see people bustling around inside from the street and decided we were probably safer than trying to find her way alone. 

This is a tough one … I commend you for your strong leadership in your family.  In todays world, there are so many variables that come into play.  Our world is unstable with global warming, crime, unexpected weather events etc.,, getting to know a new community in the midst of all this is a lot for a family.  Unless you are passionate about moving, I’d stay put.  Life throws many curveballs, and staying put can have great lessons too.  

Is there a way to expose your family to diversity another way?  I’m a health care provider and see ALOT of what can go wrong in life.  Filling that bank of safety, security and love is easier in the hills.  Having your car broken into for the next drug run… there are other ways of creating diversity.  Fill up your family bank so that you can catch unexpected life curveballs head on with dignity.  Count your lucky stars- most people down on those flats would love the life you’ve created.  Just my take- best wishes whatever you decide!!  

I have lived two blocks from Ashby Bart for decades. Like many neighborhoods it has undergone the trends of the times, from the crack epidemic of the eighties to gentrification, reinvestment and fending off developers. I also have two ten-year-old twin granddaughters who are frequent visitors. Like you mention, the neighborhood is very conveniently located for walking, biking, using scooters, buses, and Bart. Kids need more opportunities to venture out on their own to learn the independence we enjoyed in our youth. I am teaching the twins how to ride the buses to get around. We can take Bart and the Emery-Go-Round. I see junior high kids taking their scooters to Williard. I see some young children walking places in pairs. Of course when you check Megan's list, it seems really scary, but many of those offenders appear to be really old and haven't offended in a decade. Perhaps it means more vigilance and neighborhood involvement than the hills does, but I understand that flatland homes are very desirable for the above reasons. Hope this helps.

You may already be familiar with Gavin de Becker's work, but if not, I highly recommend The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift. These are both good reads. The latter is oriented toward parents and those who care for kids, as I recall. Your girls (and you) would benefit greatly from the first book, again, if you aren't already familiar. The material is important, at times counterintuitive, and relevant no matter where you live, but it's especially relevant if you're navigating areas where there are predators. And there are so many areas where women and girls must deal with predators!

I have lived near Ashby BART for decades, and there are some gritty urban realities.  Urban basics like  Keeping your eyes off your phone, earbuds and phone put away are kind of essential.  Take a class in self defense (step 1 and 2 of which are situational awareness and getting away).   A couple members of my family have been mugged or beaten over the years so we tend not to walk around at night,  we avoid having nice things and try not to be vulnerable.      On the upside, we have some pretty great neighbors and local shops and I am happy knowing them.  

My family lives in West Berkeley, closer to North Berkeley BART than Ashby, near Dwight. Our daughter and son have both spent their teenage years in the Berkeley flats, getting around on foot, on bikes/skateboards, BART/bus. Our daughter was a high school student pre-Covid and while she experienced some harassment (she was followed and verbally harassed while walking around the Berkeley flats a few times and harassed in downtown numerous times), our son who is a high school senior now has had more negatives experiences (mugged in downtown, aggressive behavior from seemingly unstable individuals numerous times in the flats and downtown, and almost hit by red light runners a few times in our neighborhood). Our son rides BART every day and while he is comfortable with it, I do wonder about how it is affecting his stress levels given what he experiences (pretty much every day he has a wild story to share). 

I totally get what you are thinking about--I feel that my kids can handle themselves really well in urban settings and have great street smarts. That said, our daughter had a few friends who lived in the Berkeley hills in their teen years but went to school at Berkeley High and hung out in various neighborhoods in Berkeley, and I don't think that living in the flats gave our daughter much more in the way of awareness/street smarts than those kids. She could get around more easily without driving, that was true, but they all spent time navigating Berkeley and BART together.

One thought that came to mind after I read your post is that you want to think about your individual kids--how's their anxiety level? Maturity level? Any other mental health/physical health issues going on for them? Because while it can certainly be a good thing to get kids comfortable with a more urban environment, I think it does take a toll. I've been thinking about this more and more lately, as I feel that it is taking a toll on me and that in my elder years I will need to live somewhere a little less chaotic ;)