Teen's Risky Adventures

Not an expert here, by any means, but have you considered taking away his phone, so that he cannot post on social media?  This sounds dangerous, and like he needs help, so I would favor a drastic move while figuring it out. 

My son was just telling me about a classmate who is doing exactly this, so I assume it's your son. It sounds like a very difficult situation. Given the extremely dangerous and illegal nature of what's going on, I would definitely feel warranted in keeping him home and under supervision until he can regain your trust. He has proven that he is currently not capable of making responsible decisions and he probably needs more support in terms of getting back on the right path. (If this is the same person described by my son, classmates and friends have also tried to intervene, but to no avail. Perhaps this is a cry for help?)

Wishing you all the best in navigating this difficult situation.

You might consider alternative exploring and making available avenues for taking and managing risks that could be thrilling in a similar way but that come with risk management strategies.  When I was a teen and young adult I was really into running white water rivers, particularly the big scary rapids.  I was also really into having the right gear and taking classes that helped me prepare for the unexpected - fishing someone out of the river, crossing the river with ropes, tying emergency knots, things like that.  Maybe an outward bound or high ropes course could help balance some of the risk?  

This sounds really destructive, scary and dangerous - not just for your son but for others as well. Have you ever considered that his posts may encourage other kids to take these risks? You and your family could be legally accountable should something happen to another kid. Resources you should be investigating include: taking his phone, securing a therapist for him RIGHT AWAY, and considering psychiatric interventions for suicidal tendencies. You are the adult and you need to take decisive and confident action - and you are well beyond the 'parenting coach' territory.

First I want to say how sorry I am that you’re dealing with this. It’s scary and hard to know how to handle it.

We had a difficult time with our son around age 16-17 and although he wasn’t doing exactly what your son is doing, he was engaging in risky behavior. I’m not saying it’s the exact same situation, but for him, there were a couple of things that were going on.

Our son was always a risk taker and there was/is a certain part of him that really thrives on thrill seeking. At one point, I had a conversation with him about the Darwin awards and I remember telling him that I could understand the appeal of taking risks, but that I would feel so much better about his choices if he was taking risks for something meaningful. Could we find something that would give him a thrill that would be also contributing to the world in a positive way? He didn’t immediately change his behavior, but I could see him processing my words and I think it helped him view his choices in a different way. He just landed his first job on a firefighting crew starting this summer. Risky and scary for me? Absolutely. But it is a risk I can support and I understand that this is part of how he is built. So, is there a way your son can reframe this? 

The other factor that may or may not apply to your son is that my kid was also depressed. He honestly didn’t care what happened to him and the crazy risks were a way for him to feel something. Again, totally scary, but a real factor in his choices nonetheless. He needed mental health support and that was a whole separate journey of anguish and frustration.

I guess that my completely unprofessional advice would be to try to get him to articulate what it is that he gets out of this behavior and then try to help him figure out a way to get that in a healthier way. Good luck.