Preteen's Sexual Banter

Parent Q&A

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  • Sex talk among peers, 12y girl?

    (1 reply)

    I have a friend whose older daughter (12 y) has catapulted this year from sweet and innocent to…shockingly NOT sweet and innocent. She is frequently making comments and jokes about lewd sexual things in front her parents and 9y/o sister, and group text chats among her friends have led her Mom to worry about her naïveté and safety (I think someone in the group was chatting with users on an adult dating site, and at some point girls in their friend-group-chat joked to a boy that they would offer him a lap dance). Because so many of these conversations occur outside of any realm the mom can control, and the daughter plainly is eager to shock and horrify her parents….Mom doesn’t really know what to do or how to approach it.

    My own daughter is nine and hasn’t hit all this yet, so I can’t advise from personal experience. My thought was that it would help my friend to talk with a therapist who is familiar with navigating the rough roads of parenting teen girls, and/or find a support group of parents going through similar parenting challenges. 

    Does anyone have other advice for how she can go about finding immediate and long-term support/help/guidance?

    And if the idea of a therapist or other professional might be useful—recommendations would be really appreciated. 

    (I’ll be revisiting this thread for my own needs I’m sure in about three years!)

    Mom can totally control the group chats so not sure why she's throwing up her hands about it. As a parent of 11 & 13 yos, this sounds out of hand to me, and all the parents need to convene and set boundaries for their girls (and boys). I highly recommend the book "14 Conversations to Have Before Age 14" by Michelle Icard for YOU (might be too late for your friend) to start opening a dialogue with your daughter. Also I'd suggest not letting your daughter hang out with this family (including the 9 yo) because DEFINITELY this talk is going to seep into the younger girls' consciousness, and let the parents know with kindness, why.