Concerns & Problems with Working at Home

• Concerns about job offer where I'll be working at home
• Husband working at home - need my space
• Is it realistic to plan to work at home one day a week?

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Concerns about job offer where I'll be working at home

May 2012

Hi,

I am considering a new job that seems to be a good opportunity. The company is a large one with no local offices-so its a work at home position. I am a little concerned about going from a social office environment to working alone all day long. I currently have a long commute so eliminating this will be great but I am worried about the downside of building all relationships via phone and email. I have been with a company for 15 years and very used to interacting face-to-face and I seem to have a harder time when I have to pick up the phone and call someone vs just stopping by their office.

I don't think Ill have trouble with motivation since I get too stressed about open projects to relax too much. But Im concerned about the isolation and difficulty making all of my connections/building new relationships all over the phone and via email. For others who have made this choice, did it take a while to get used to? Is it much harder to build relationships and feel ''a part'' of the larger company? Any advice? Thank you

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It sounds like one of the reasons you work is for the social interaction. Perhaps you might consider getting your social needs fulfilled outside of work. I've worked at home for years and find it peaceful. I walk my dog during the day and chat with neighbors from time to time. You might also go to the gym or do some other social activity during your lunch break or before or after work. Anon

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Hi - I made the same transition about six years ago... Honestly, it was a little difficult at first, and it probably took a little longer to make relationships than it would have if I were in the office every day, but it was very doable. I don't know if you have this option, but I did travel to the headquarters fairly often the first several months, which made building relationships a little easier. All in all, though, I LOVE working from home and would select it over an office any day. Eliminating the commute is magical, I was so much more efficient and could get so much more done, and I just like being at him (don't know if you have children, but working from home is great in this situation). Some things that made the relationship building easier (outside of the HQ visits), being sure to CALL people as much as possible (so easy to just fall back to email these day) and also make the time to talk to them about non-work things, get on IM with as many people as possible, share photos and other non-work stuff over email... CA Mom

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I made a similar transition a few years ago and it's been great. I am more productive during the day without office distractions and the commute time. It is harder to make connections with co-workers, but worth the trade off. I've still been able to make connections by phone with co-workers I speak to regularly in other states and countries, even though we've never met face to face. We email each other pictures of our kids, vacations, etc. and chat on our company IM system once in a while. If you can, I would recommend traveling to the office at least once every year or two, even at your own expense, just to meet people in person and have that face to face connection. Don't miss working in an office

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I worked at a major company for 11 years -- the first part of that was partially virtual, meaning a local office with long-distance team members, but the last 5 years were almost completely virtual, working from home. First, the positive-- you would be amazed at the close relationships you can develop with people long-distance. A colleague used to say, ''I love my co-workers. Maybe some day I will meet them.'' These days there are so many collaborative tools, like web sharing and video, which helps. Also, the convenience of telecommuting is wonderful. If you have a structured job (which I did, and it sounds like you would), it is not a problem getting work done. Just have a dedicated workspace and treat it like going to the office. I also always had a way of putting my stuff away for the night, by covering my computer.

On the people front, it sounds like your company has no local offices-- which actually helps things in some ways. I found the toughest part of my job was when I worked with teams of people in a central hub and I was the only one on the phone. That said, it will be important to know what they do to keep people from feeling isolated. Is there any face time (such as occasional in-person meetings or video)? Do managers/team members have regularly scheduled time to talk/connect? It is important that the company culture supports the virtual workplace and supports keeping people from feeling isolated. I would suggest that at any rate, you carve out time for contacting team members and/or your boss on a regular basis just to ''say hi'' the way you would run into people at the coffee maker. It makes a big difference.

In the long run, there were a lot of positives to working remotely. There were also some down sides. When things went bad with my last boss, who was in another city, there was no good way to know what was going on or effectively be able to fix it. That led to my departure. I also definitely felt that opportunities were more limited for me as a virtual employee, as you don't make those expanded connections with other departments that lead to other things. I don't regret it for a second, in that it was a great opportunity to have a flexible schedule when my daughter was little -- I also did really enjoy a lot of working remotely and the people I ''met.'' Now that I am looking for a new job, though, I am looking to get back into being ''in person.'' Feel free to contact me off list if you want to talk further and best of luck!

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I made the switch and while I love working from home it takes an adjustment if you are the kind of person (like myself) who likes the social aspect of work. Personally, I prefer a hybrid approach, where I have to go onsite every now and then for some face time, so with my main client, we meet every other week and work together.

In addition, I found an amazing Cowork group, CoWork Alameda, where we meet every Tuesday from 1-3 to work together. I call this my ''watercooler time.'' We all have different types of jobs, but we come together to swap tips, complain, socialize, and occasionally get work done. I usually do mindless/less critical work at this time (emails, follow up, etc). It has been a great way to feel less isolated.

I do pretty well with the remote relationships. Using skype with the camera or facetime helps too. Also, when I work from home, I dress fully (no pajamas) and the only thing I'll have on is NPR in the background, or no media/noise at all. I stay focused.

the other tip about working at home is making yourself disconnect. It's very easy to get caught up with a 24/7 on-call thing so I think you need to set your work hours up front and shut down when you are not at work. VERY IMPORTANT. Good luck and I wish I could find a gig like yours with more hours than what I currently have.

the world is my watercooler

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I think it depends on your personality. My husband and I are both software engineers and we have opposite feelings about working at home. I love it, he hates it. I've worked at home for a few years, occasionally going in for in-person meetings. For about a year, my husband worked for an out-of-town company and he just started going crazy after a month of working at home. He preferred to take his laptop to the local cafe to work rather than sit at home. He missed being able to drop by a colleague's desk to discuss something and he missed the day-to-day social interactions. He said he felt isolated and lonely (even though I was working at home too!)  Now he only grudgingly works at home one day a week because I asked him to (where he works, most people have a day when they work at home.) 

I, on the other hand, love working at home.  I'm an introvert. I like that no people are dropping by my desk all the time to bug me or just say hi and interrupting my train of thought. I don't have to get up, get dressed, and pretty myself up. It's just me and the dog after the kids have gone to school. I like having a flexible schedule that I have control over. I like being able to listen to whatever music I want while I work, do a load of laundry in the middle of the day, go for a walk, be there for deliveries and repairmen, and be home when the kids get home from school.  I get a lot more work done in a quiet, people-free environment. I love it!

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Husband working at home - need my space

Feb 2004

For the past 2 years, my husband has had his own company that's office is on our property. Our house is small, so when he comes in, we are all in the same area. I'd like suggestions on working out a schedule or system that works for both of us. It seems we are still struggling with the idea of separate time. I am a stay-at-home-Mom,but hate that term, as I'm certainly not at home all the time! I do,however, want to have some times at home that I can count on that are all-mine or mine with the kids. I am more productive that way too.

We've tried figuring out certain hours that he can't come in, but so often there are exceptions. And when the time is up, I know it bothers him/ is a hassel to have to call just to use the bathroom. And my kids have ever-changing schedules, so what works Monday, doesn't work Tuesday, or what works for one month doesn't work the next. And having hours that he can't come in is just so negative. Plus, he's doing what would normally be considered 3 jobs at work,typical for starting your own company, so he's already maxed.

The home-office idea turned out to be necessary longer than he thought. He does plan to get regular office space eventually, so short of installing a porta potty and creating a kitchenette, any ideas?

I know in my gut that we need more boundaries between work & home, but I don't know how to put it in place. Also, he could use a male support group, of men working from home, &/or other men who are entrepreneurs. His job is very solitary, and he could use some others to meet with, face to face and share their ups & downs. I know it's nice for me that I get to see a lot of other Moms at the schools and around town. Thanks for any ideas!

Need space

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I don't know what your husband does, but could he do at least part of his work at a cafe or at the library? Many cafes offer wireless connections to the internet if that's what he needs. anon

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I'm not getting what the problem is there. It sounds like you don't want to see your husband at all during the day, which sounds like a burden on both of you. To be gentle about it, I'd suggest you reconsider your motivation and find something that really works for both of you. I understand the desire for space and privacy, but telling your husband that he can't come in to use the bathroom seems extreme. And if you're going to disallow him use of the house or bathroom, then you should make it regular and predictable for him too. What's the real issue here? Quite frankly, I would love it if my husband worked at home and wanted to stop by and say hello. Most work at home folks work IN the home, so would have more boundary issues than you have. I'm guessing there's something else at! issue. (Is he sloppy? are you embarrassed about your activities? do you have other conflicts?) Most of us don't have full opportunities to stay at home, go out when we want to, schedule lots of things with the kids, AND demand full privacy whenever we want. Maybe you should plan more time away from home with the kids so you can get your privacy, then schedule an hour or two on a regular basis, or schedule it at the beginning of the week, so you can have some privacy. good luck

Is it realistic to plan to work at home one day a week?

2001

We're first time parents and our son is due in March. We're trying to figure out our work options. One option is for each of us to work at home one day per week. How realistic is it to think we can get work done from home with a newborn around? Lisa

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I'm self-employed and I worked at home when both of my children were newborns--up until they were three months, when they went into part-time childcare. Whether or not you can do the same depends a lot on how well the baby sleeps, which varies from newborn to newborn. But I managed to get in about four hours a day during their naps and I felt really good about being able to continue working while being home with my little ones. I do know, however, that some parents don't like working during those early months because they want to be able to relax (or even sleep!) while the babies are snoozing. Susan

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Forget about the diapers and the 2:00 feedings! For me, trying to balance working from home and watching my child at the same time was the most difficult part of raising a baby so far. This is a really tricky thing to forecast before your child is born. I have a job where my office is in my home and I go out to see clients a few days a week in their offices. I took off four months after my child was born and planned to work from home largely when I returned. I had heard that newborns sleep up to 14 hours a day and envisioned myself working happily and productively at home, occasionally beaming down lovingly at the infant asleep in a basket next to my desk. The reality was that even as a newborn, my son slept great at night but only took two 30-45-minute naps during the day for the first year of his life. And he wanted to nurse every two hours because he doubled his size in the first four months of his life, and kept growing at a similar rate. I needed to be on the phone with clients and although keeping my son in the room with me was ok in terms of his safety and mobility as a newborn, it wasn't always feasible to have a professional conversation even when he was sleeping, because newborns can be fitful sleepers and wake up howling from gas pains or bad dreams etc. This dramatic interruption happened enough times to be very embarrassing and disruptive for me, even though the clients were very understanding. (Of course, my friend has a baby who slept 4-6 hours during the day and was on a more regular 4 hour feeding schedule, so it wouldn't have been a problem for her.) Between nursing and crying getting my work done was incredibly difficult and very stressful, even though I am largely self-directed and no one was putting any outside pressure on me about my performance.

My employers and my family were very flexible and understanding. I went from full to part time, reshuffling my responsibilites from five days a week into three days a week, and my husband (opposed to daycare) was able to actually take our son into work with him two days a week (he works for a family business) from about 4 mos of age until about 7 months. Once my son could crawl though, there was no keeping him at the office in an exersaucer or a playpen. It just was not enough stimulation for him and he became very difficult in that setting. Again, different children have different temperaments; some children love their playpens, and my son IS extremely active. For the past nine months I have been fortunate enough to have my sister take care of my son on a part time basis, with her own daughter who is a year and a half older. My son has loved being around his cousin and learned a lot from her and has clearly not suffered being away from me part time. However, I still need more hours in the home office and it has become more and more of a struggle for me to work at all when he is here as he has become more active and able to get himself into situations where he can get hurt if he is not constantly and closely supervised. Having an infant or toddler around means a high probability of being constantly interrupted, as you probably know if you have ever even tried to have a phone conversation with a person with a small child. The sort of work that you do will determine if this will work for you or not. I have a lot of freedom in my job and with my company, but it has even been too much for me, and I am leaving the workforce at the end of this year after struggling through for 16 months, because my sister is going back to school.

One really good alternative that I have heard from other moms who work at home is to hire someone to watch your child for you in another part of your home while you are there. That way you can check in/nurse, etc. easily, but have someone else to take the pressure off of you when you need to focus. You don't want to add the emotional fuel of work related frustration and stress to the already potent combo of post-natal hormones and sleep deprivation. A few women I know have a helper or nanny come in just mornings so they can do what they really need to accomplish without interruptions, and then they take over in the afternoons. A lot of tasks can be done with your infant, such as errands to Fed Ex, Office Depot, bank etc etc. I loved my job and I love being with my son, so I managed to get through it for a long time, and I don't really regret the extra energy it required of me. The time when you have your child before they go to school etc is short and very finite, so if you can be flexible and have both at no cost to your child and a manageable cost to yourself, it is definitely worth trying as many ideas as you can come up with. Good luck! I hope you get a sleeper! cheryl

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This is very hard to do, because newborns need constant care. It's very hard to focus on a task when you are constantly being interrupted to care for an infant. The only way to have any hope of success is to have someone be a designated sitter and that person does only child care, nothing else, for the duration. Jennifer

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whether you can realistically expect to work at home depends on both you and the newborn, and the nature of your work. When my baby was two months old, I did manage to do a fair amount of work at home. But I had a single defined project (writing an appellate brief on one case, where most of the research was supplied to me by someone else), and a very mellow baby who took long naps, and I was very motivated to do it (unusual for me - normally I'm very distractable). And - I only did it for one month! Can you handle distractions - change a diaper, nurse, walk around for twenty minutes, and then go right back to work where you left off? Can you ignore the temptation to take a nap or clean the kitchen if your baby naps for four hours? Can your work accommodate being squeezed into whatever time you have available? And - the great unknown - will your baby take naps, by him or herself, or will you have the kind of baby who takes 20 minute naps, wants to be held and cries a lot otherwise? My advice is, give it a try, but don't count on it (i.e., have a backup plan if it doesn't work out). Fran

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You ask how realistic it is to work at home with a newborn? Depends on many things: when you plan to start back to work, what kind of work you do, and what temperament your child has, to name a few.

First off, don't expect to do much of anything during at least the first 4-6 weeks of your baby's life. You'll be desperately short of sleep and your head will be spinning with all the adjustments you need to make.

After that, IF your baby has a good temperament (sleeps easily, no colic), you may be able to work for short stretches at a time, interrupted by a lot of feeding and diaper changing sessions. From the time my son (who is very good-natured) was about 6 weeks to the time he was 3 months, I was able to answer emails, prepare conference presentations, and other computer-related things with him on a nursing pillow in my lap, or for short stretches in a gymini or under a mobile on the floor of my office, and while he slept.

He's now 5 months, and it's getting harder. My husband is working at home one day, and I'm working at home (part time) 2 days a week, but we don't always get much done. The baby's sleeping less, and he's more demanding when he's awake (he very much wants to play interactively, he's reaching out for the keyboard when he's in my lap, etc.). It may get easier when he's older -- he's at a very frustrating phase of development, where he can't quite sit up independently or crawl, but he's aware that these are possibilities, and trying very hard to make them happen, without a lot of success (and with a lot of frustrated wailing). We're continuing as is for now, but I'm thinking of hiring a mother's helper -- a teenage babysitter to come and entertain the baby for a few hours in the afternoon/early evening of my days at home, to enable me to get a bit more done.

One other thing: I wouldn't have missed my days at home with him for the world, even if my work productivity has suffered a bit. Good luck! Karen

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I did that a few days a week, until we had full-time childcare for my son around the age of 4 months. Unless we had a babysitter during the time I was working, I could not get an honest day's work done. But my son was a cat-napper: he never took long naps so I never had a long period without interruptions. You might try it out with your baby while on maternity leave and see how it goes. Fran

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Depends on the baby, depends on what kind of work you do... I'm a grad student. I had a baby who needed to be held or in the sling most of the time. She hardly ever lay down for naps. I could read and (to a lesser extent) work on the computer, but talking on the phone would often wake her. She also didn't nap for long stretches, so I had to work sporadically, because she wasn't content to be still when she was awake. But I could sometimes nurse and read at the same time too... Hope that helps. Ilana

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It was my fantasy to work at home, with my newborn at my side in a basket. It lasted 2 weeks (until she was 4 weeks old). The baby, who was not a difficult infant, moved alot, wanted cuddles (or maybe I wanted to offer them), and her schedule and my exhaustion made it too hard to pay attention to work and baby.

In retrospect, I wish I hadn't tried to work when my baby was so little, and had enjoyed more of the baby time and sleep time when it was available.

I'd recommend planning for some time, at least, when someone else can watch the baby (even if she's sleeping), so you can focus a bit and do some work. Good luck.

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My baby is seven months old and I am now working fulltime, 2-3 days from home, but I have a babysitter here on those days. For the first three months after he was born, I had planned to reduce my work schedule to 10 hours a week, thinking I could do a subset of my work, such as answering email and fixing small bugs. I am a computer programmer for a research project, so all my work can be done at home and there is not much pressure with deadlines and releases as with an industry job. So I thought 10 hours would be just enough to keep the basics running for my job, and that I could easily fit it in when the baby was sleeping. This was my third child so I figured I knew what I was doing. Ha. It turned out that I was only able to get about 4 hours a week of work done. (But I am very efficient so it may have seemed like 10 hrs/wk to my boss!) It was mostly at night when my husband was home and the baby went to bed for his first stretch of nighttime sleep. I soon realized I needed a babysitter even for short tasks like reading email everday.

I have a very mellow baby, but those early days were filled with long stretches of feeding and rocking him, and many short naps. It was too hard to start working on a problem, get interrupted, and try to pick it back up hours (or days) later. Even if my Mom came over and I had an hour or two at a time, I found I was very low on energy from waking up too early and staying up too late and didn't have the focus or the desire to work on the computer. I also found that I was using spare time during the day to be with friends and family, in person and on the phone, partly sharing the happiness of the new baby but also because I was feeling lonely being at home all day without adult company.

I know it can be done because a couple we know who are both engineers are each working half time at home in shifts and doing it without a babysitter. But in my case, it did not work out at all! Ginger

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With my baby it was absolutely impossible. I know it is hard to imagine, and I don't want to make it sound like you won't be able to do things that are important to you. It all depends on what your baby is like. My little guy was colicky into his fourth month, which meant we were constantly walking, bouncing, driving, and rocking him. He didn't sleep much, not nearly average. Many days one half-hour nap was all he slept, and boy, I tried to sleep then too. If I got my teeth brushed once a day, it was an accomplishment. Kim

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I did freelance writing at home for a number of months, five of those months after my baby was born. Before he was born, I mistakenly thought I could continue work without a hitch. You didn't say what kind of work you and your husband would be doing at home, but one day out of the week sounds more doable than trying to work full time. My work had deadlines, so I managed to have my mom stay with us for the two weeks I had a lot of work. When my mom couldn't stay with us and I tried to do the work anyway, it was really tough. I had to be on the phone a lot, interviewing people, and had to schedule them while my son took his nap in his swing. At one point, I even did a phone interview while nursing (when I knew he'd be quiet). Otherwise, I did a lot of reading and writing while he was nursing and sleeping, and at some point managed to work on the computer while he slept in a baby sling. When my mom could no longer help us out and I still tried to work at home and take care of him, I nearly lost my mind. We finally did the sensible thing and found a day care provider. One final note, when I could hear him cry and my mom try to comfort him downstairs, it was extremely difficult to concentrate on my interviews and writing. Many days I couldn't get any work done when it was just me and my son, and I had to stay up late to catch up. It's a reality check, but I hope you and your husband are able to do it. Patty

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I worked part of the time at home when I went back to my job when my son was 6 months old. What worked for me was having my 13-year-old cousin watch my child while I was in the other room 2-to 3 hours per day. That way I had dedicated time to make phone calls and do other tasks uninterrupted. (Nap time gives you time, too, but they're not predictable.) It worked for me because 1) I could do a lot of work by email ; 2) my job is quantifiable, so I could show that I was keeping up with the work load; 3) I have a great boss; 4) I could do work after hours after my son was asleep for the night. So, it can be realistic depending on the type of work that you do. If it is a lot of phone calling, forget it. But if you can be interrupted a lot and can finish up after hours, it can work. Helena

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This may not help you much, but in my experience, it all depends on the baby. We have three kids, and I tried working from home when each of them was a newborn. It worked beautifully with one, but not well with the other two. It was, I think, a matter of individual temperament and sleep habits and not a function of birth order or my attitude or experience as a parent. It just so happened that my third baby slept many more hours a day than his older siblings, so I was able work effectively at home just as long as the older ones were at school or child care. Ricki

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I had fantasies of working at home with my newborn. I quickly found that they were just that, fantasies. Taking care of a newborn is indeed a full time job. The lovelies need to be fed, rocked, or changed, seemingly every 15 minutes. And when they do sleep, you'll probably need to too. If misfortune has frowned on you and you are already an insomniac, you could possibly work at three hour stretches at night. It is also conceivable that if fortune smiles ever-so broadly on you and gives you a rare easy-going low maintenance baby, you could begin getting very minimal amounts of work done at 2 months. But when I consider the 20 babies in my mother's groups, I notice very few (1) who would afford you the time to even finish a phone conversation in the early months. My mother's groups agreed that if the newborn's primary caretaker got time to brush his/her teeth that was indeed a very good day! Our culture perpetuates a burden on parents when we maintain the myth that they can work and caretake at the same moment. My advice is to go slow on yourself and your babe, especially early on... if you have a day off work to be with him/her, do just that, be with him/her. Cuddle and coo but don't push a cursor. (What kind of work do you do? Loosely scheduled errands and lunches are all that might be possible.) If you must work while at home, you will most likely need a second person to help care for the babe--a grandparent or part time sitter. Of course as they grow, you do gain minimal time and personal freedom, especially if you actively teach them age-apropriate independence each step of the way. But still, until they are at least 8 months old, I wouldn't encourage you to even consider the ability to get serious work done. Newborns are helpless--you are their hands, legs, mirror, etc., etc.-- until they have basic motor control it's not nice to divide your time. Remember that many animals rely on others in their pack to hunt for them and their babes until the babes are old enough to at least play at hunting themselves. I do, however, strongly believe that resuming some kind of work as soon as you can (hopefully after at least 2 months w/ the child) is very good for your self esteem. It is also excellent that you and your spouse are planning on sharing as much as you can. FYI, my child is 16 months old. I am only now able to complete a project in his presence and it takes much more multitasking than I've ever imagined possible. Enjoy you new little one! Donna

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I work at home, and started up again 8 days after my son's birth. In general, the first 3 months are the easiest, because your baby will sleep many hours. After that, I found it necessary to have a nanny at home to play with the baby. I have had great luck finding good nannies, and appreciate having their help with household tasks while the baby naps. During the first three months, I could work with the baby in a sling, but I must admit that it was difficult to get much done with nursing and diaper changes when the baby was awake. Some babies will hand out in a car seat or something when they are very young. Mine wouldn't -- my husband was also at home for the first few months, and were able to trade off many duties. Good luck to you! --Elisabeth

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Working at home is a great option for new parents, **IF** you have childcare in your home while you are working. It's not clear from your post, but I'm afraid you may be considering working from home one day a week so that you can care for your son at the same time. If that's the case, I'd have to say that you are nurturing a total fantasy!

Working at home works beautifully if the following circumstances are met: a) Someone other than the working parent is on duty as a childcare provider b) Your home offers a private workspace, with a door that shuts securely c) The working parent can get used to not dashing out of the workspace to see what's going on any time his or her child cries.

That said, I work at home three days a week, and my husband telecommutes from home on the other two days. During my three workdays, we have a sitter; on my husbands two at-home workdays, I take care of our daughter. Since my husband and I each have our shared office to ourselves on our at-home work days, we can be very productive. If you're nursing your newborn, working from home will be heaven compared to dashing to the company bathroom to pump every few hours. Darcy